Mute
by hypegurl
Summary: Spencer makes a new friend...
1. Chapter 1

Spencer's POV

"I heard she's a mute and…"

That's my friend Aiden, his talking about the teenage girl of the family of four that moved in the house next door to me last week. Since I haven't the pleasure of introducing myself do to the black bracelet around my ankle, Aiden's been telling me the latest about the happenings around town. I've been on house a rest for three weeks now for trespassing and vandalizing an abandon house; I can't wait to get off next week. But anyways I've been sitting on my front porch watching them come in leave since they moved in.

"Hello! Are you listening to me?" I look over at Aiden and I can tell he knows I haven't heard a word he said.

"No. So what's her name?" He smiles and shakes his head at me, then nods in her direction. She's getting in the back seat of a SUV.

"Ashley Davies. She's seventeen and that's all I know, oh and that she's a mute."

"You don't know that. You just heard that she a mute." I say but I think his right I haven't heard or seen her lips move since they moved in. Aiden gets up in start walking down the front steps.

"Whatever, I got to go but I'll stop by tomorrow." Is the last thing he yells over his shoulder before getting in his car and drives away.

I sit on the porch a little while longer before my sister comes to the door and tells me to do my dishes. I go in do the dishes then take a nap all with Ashley on my mind.

Ashley's POV

It's 11 at night and I'm seating on the back porch thinking when I hear footsteps. I look over into the neighbor's yard and see a slender figure making its way through their backyard, before stopping and looking my way. It's the girl from the porch, she's always on the porch just watching cars go by or sometimes I see her watching me and every now and then someone is keeping her company. But I haven't seen her in the last couple of days.

"Hey." I'm brought out of my thoughts by her voice. I look up in we lock eyes.

I don't say anything or move as she starts to make her way down the steps of her house and over the fence that separates her house from mine. She doesn't wait for me to offer her a seat. She just flops down next to me on the porch. She looks over at me in smiles; I just look down at my hands that are occupying my lap.

"So… I haven't had I chance to introduce myself, I'm Spencer. You're Ashley right?" I just nod my head yes and she continues. "Well Ashley it's nice to meet you." I don't say anything. I think she now's by now that I'm not going to so she doesn't say anything else, and we just sits there swaying our feet side to side off the porch enjoying the silence.

We've been sitting for about five minutes when my back door opens in my brother walks out. He looks from Spencer to me then back to Spencer. He offers her his hand to shake, she takes it. "Hi I'm Shane."

"Spencer." She says letting go of his hand.

"I know she hasn't told you so this freak here is my sister Ashley." He says patting my head like a dog.

I hate him.

Spencer looks at me while talking to him. "I know who she is, and you shouldn't call your sister a freak."

At that I look up at her and she smile at me. Shane shakes his head no. "Why I just call em how I see em. And she," He points at me. "Sister or not is a freak, she hasn't said a word in a year, so don't waste your time."He sighs. "Hell you wouldn't even know her name unless someone tell you, cause she sure the hell isn't."

Spencer scoots off the porch and looks up to Shane who is leaning back against the house. "That doesn't make her a freak, maybe she just doesn't won't to talk to you."

I haven't said a word to her and she's defending me I like her already.

"Whatever." Is his only reply before he retreats back into the house, I look at Spencer and she smile.

"Well Ashley, thanks for the chat," That causes me to smile for the first time at her. "But I have to be going, so I'll see you." Then she climbs back over the fence into her yard in enters her house.

I get up and go into the house to get ready for bed with Spencer on my mind and no doubt she'll be invading my dreams tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere….bluh…bluh….all that jazz._

_baller32: Thanks for reviewing, even though you usually don't. It's always nice to hear from the silent readers. Lol_

_sonfan92: Thanks!_

_snowdrop1026: I hope you enjoy reading it again. Thanks for reviewing. _

_Life-Live-Love-Learn: lol…don't kick Shane just yet. Thanks for reviewing._

_It's always encouraging and cool to get some kind of feedback. So thanks for the reviews, this story does has its cute moments. As snowdrop1026 mentioned, I have posted this story on another site a long time ago. And I too hope that those who read it before enjoy it like they did the first time and those who are reading it for the first time love it as well. So…let me shut up…here's an update._

Spencer's POV

"Come on Spence." Jessica said as she flopped down next to me on my bed.

"No thanks, my grandma will kill me if I get drunk again, at least this soon. I mean, I just got off of house arrest I need to lay low for awhile." Jessica is another one of my few friends, despite her trying to get me to go clubin for the past hour, she's a good friend.

"Are you kidding me, she want even find out, Mia said you can crash at her house afterwards," She throws her hands up to show she's aggravated as I shake my head no. "Please?" She says giving me puppy dog eyes.

I was about to tell her no for the thousands time when my best friends Mia and Aiden came crashing through the door.

"Come on, we're leaving" Aiden said turning back around to head out the door.

Knowing that I'm not going past the front porch, I follow behind them anyway. We get outside and I stop in front of door to my house and lean up against the frame. All three of them are walking off the porch when Jessica notices that I had stopped and remembers that I said I'm not going. She tells Mia and Aiden to stop for a sec. She looks at me while she talk's. "Spencer refuses to come." Aiden and Mia quickly turn their heads my way.

"Why?" I was about to answer Aiden's question when he cuts me off. "Never mind we all know you're going to meet Ashley."

He's right. It's been a week and since the first night I went over Ashley's and I've been going over sitting with her every night since then. I tell her about my day and just ramble on about anything and everything that comes to mind. I just feel comfortable around her, I even told her things I never told Mia and she's been my best friend since first grade. And of course Ashley just sits and listens and every now and then I get her to smile but not one word leaves her mouth. When my friends asked me why I haven't been hanging out with them at night, I told them about my nights with Ashley. They didn't get mad and think I was replacing them with her because we hang out all day but they did tease me about the crush I have on her. Yes I said it. I'm crushing on someone who I might not ever hear say my name. They didn't talk about her either when I told them Aiden's story about her being a mute was true. They're good friends and people like tha…

I was snapped out of thought by Mia's voice. "Why don't you invite her to come with us?"

I could, but we all know that's not going to happen.

"You know she want come." I say stepping out on to the front porch taking a seat on my favorite chair.

"Just ask tonight, and come out with us tomorrow k?" I just nod my head and they say goodbye and head to Aiden's car.

I stay sitting down trying to collect my thought before I go over to Ashley's

Ashley's POV

We're sitting on my back porch playing checker's and Spencer's being scarily quiet. I mean, every night since she's been coming over she'd have something to talk about or should I say tell because I never talk back. I think she's comfortable telling me things because she knows I want tell anyone else or say something judgmental or anything at all and I don't mind just listening. But the point is she's been here for an hour and hasn't said more than two words.

"You know." Oh and she speaks. "My friends went to a club tonight, and they wanted me to come."

I look up at her and we lock eyes.

"But I told them, I'd rather hang out with you then get drunk." After the words leave her mouth I look away and sit so were my feet are swinging off the porch.

As much as I like the thought of knowing she wants to be around me, I still don't want her friends to be mad at her because she's ditching them for me.

"Hey," She says moving to sit next to me. When she gets comfortable she reaches over and moves a piece of hair from out of my face and moves her hand down to my chin turning my face to look at her. "You okay?" She says removing her soft fingers from my chin to her lap. I nod my head yes.

She look's away and I just stare at the side of her face. A minute goes by before she looks back at me and smiles. "We're going out tomorrow and everyone would like it if you come. I…I'd like it if you come, and we want go to a club or anything. We could just hang out around Mia's house or something, her moms never home and…." She looks over at me. "I'm rambling?" I shake my head yes smiling at her. "You're smiling so does that mean you'll go?"

"She's not going anywhere with you dyke!" I almost jump off the porch hearing Shane's voice.

Wait. What did he just call her? I should kick his ass.

"What did you call me?" Spencer says getting off the porch and into Shane's face.

"You heard me, stop hitting on my sister," He shoves Spencer causing her to fall down. "My sister might be a freak but she's not gay."

If he only knew how wrong he was I thought as I rushing to Spencer's side. She quickly gets up and back in his face.

"I am going to kick your sorry ass all over this yard." She says her voice filled with anger.

"Go ahead so they can put you back in jail, I'm sure your family want miss you since they already disowned you." I see Spencer ball up her fist ready to swing but I grab her pulling her back. She looks at me with tears in her eyes then takes off out our back fence and into the alley disappearing into the night.

I look back at Shane, he haves a big smile on his face witch I quickly smack off. I start to turn around to go in the house but not before I smack him again. Then I finally go in the house hoping that Spencer will come back over.


	3. Chapter 3

_Declaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere…yea yea yea…_

_Thanks guys for reviewing…I'm like super tired so I'm not going to comment on the reviews tonight, but I will in a later chapter so keep them coming. Anyway…enjoy._

Spencer's POV

I've been laying here in my bed all day, contemplating if I should go over to Ashley's tonight. After the altercation that revealed a lot about me and my life, I called Aiden and he picked me up. We went back to the club they had been at while I was at Ashley's.

I tried to get drunk but couldn't get passed my first drink. All I could think about was Ashley and wonder what she thinks about me now. Will she still want me to come over or will she won't to forget that I ever existed? After we left the club, we crashed at Mia's house. She dropped me off around seven this morning before she headed to work. (I know, how does she party all night then get up the next day for work, it's beyond me.) As soon as I walked in the house my grandma was there to read me the law. When she was done I went to my room and have here all day.

I look over at the clock and its 9pm. Ashley should be out on her back porch now. I get out of bed and head down stairs, telling myself if she's out there I'll go over. If not… well let's hope she is. I pushed the back door open and step out onto the porch. I close my eyes as I turn to look to see if she's sitting on the porch. I do a little prayer in my head and open my eyes. There she is, feet swinging off the porch. She's staring at me and before I know it, I'm making my way over to her.

Ashley's POV

Spencer's been sitting next to me for the last ten minutes. Every now and then she'll open her mouth to say something but closes it before any words can escape. I know she's probably wondering how I feel about everything my brother told me about her. I want to tell her. I want to tell her that I'm gay too and I have this big crush on her. And that it's okay if she doesn't want to talk about her family right now. But I just can't bring myself to speak, even if the girl sitting next to me makes me want to. I'm just glad she came back.

"I'm sorry." I look at her with confusion written all across my face. And she notices. "For…for not telling you that I'm gay an…" I stop her by putting my hand over hers. She has no reason to apologize. It's not like I've told her a lot about me.

"I take that as I sign that we're still friends." She says referring to my hand on hers. I just smile and nod my head without removing my hand. "I wanted to tell you. But I didn't know how you would react and I like talking to you." To show her my reaction I move closer to her so where our shoulders are touching and I intertwine our fingers together and place them in my lap. I look up after getting comfortable and she has the biggest smile on her faces that I've ever seen.

After a while she starts to tell me about what she did and where she went when she left last night. And like always, I just sit and listen. But this time with her hand in mine.


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere or the character's. _

_Life-Live-Love-Learn: Lol there is bigger fish to fry in this story…so you'll get to kick someone_

_grangergirl22:Thanks for reading…keep reading to find out if she can talk._

_YinYangTwin1: I suck at grammar and stuff but I'm trying. Thanks for reading and giving me tips on how to improve my writing. _

_Phenixbaby: Stop the violence…Lol…thanks for reading._

_knockudown: I'm happy you like it!_

_twloha92: Thanks for the review…_

Spencer's POV

Things with me and Ashley have been great. We've been holding hands and I even started giving her goodnight kisses on the cheek. We haven't talked about what all that means or doesn't mean and I'm ok with that. It's been two months and I still have yet to hear here speak. But she always finds other ways to show me how she feels. Anyways I can't wait till tonight. We haven't seen each other in two days. She had to go out of town with her parents for the weekend; at least that's what I overheard Shane saying to one of his dumb friends. And while I've been having fun hang out with my friends, I've missed Ashley like crazy.

It's like one something in the afternoon and Aiden just dropped me off at home. Last night I crashed at Mia's after we went out. I just opened the front door and my grandma and my stupid brother Glen is sitting in the living room watching something on TV. My grandma spots me trying to go up the stairs and calls me into the living room.

"You know Spencer, It's not polite to come in and not speak." She Says turning off the TV. Seeing as how I didn't get away with sneaking past, I walk over in take a seat on the couch with Glen.

"It looked like you guys were enjoying the program on TV. I didn't want to interrupt." I say lying. Because truth be told, I could have gone the whole day without speaking to either of them.

"Well anyways, there's something you need to know." Glen say's and I turn my attention away from my grandma to his smiling face.

"Oh yeah, what might that be?"

"Dad's up stair's sleep." My jaw all most hit the floor, with that bit of information. I haven't seen my dad in two years, and I don't mind if it stays that way. My dad is one of the most selfish people I've ever met in my life. Last time we saw him he was packing his stuff to leave my brother, sister and me, three years after my mom left us to be with some guy she was cheating on my dad with. She said she would come back to get us once she get herself together but she never did. After she left my dad started getting abusive, he would hit us for any old stupid reason. One time he broke my arm. So I was more than happy when he packed his things and said he couldn't do this anymore, be a parent that is, and be a dad. So for the last two years we've been staying with my grandma. And I like it this way, not having to go through the day worrying about someone tossing me half way across the room. I can't let him come back into our lives.

"Spence."Glen's voice breaks me from my thoughts.

"Why is he here?" They both just look at me like they don't know who I'm talking about. "Dad. Why is dad here? What does he want?" My voice starts to crack, sounding little and weak.

"He says he misses us and he wants to be with us."

"Well, I don't want to be with him. Don't you remember what he put us through?" I say getting up to go to my room. Glen stands up and grabs my arm turning me around.

"That was two years ago. He said he was sorry and his better." I can't believe he actually thinks that's true.

"And you believe him? I don't care how sorry he is. I don't want anything to do with him!" I say, my voice starting to rise as I get angrier. But I'm trying to keep it down because I don't want the man who's causing it to wake up, before I can get some stuff from my room and leave.

"He's our father Spencer."

"Yeah Glen, he's our father that abused us than left us. Some father." I say yanking my arm away from Glen.

"Spencer and Glen stop!" My grandma is up standing between us now. "Spencer your dad will be staying here if you like it or not. Do you understand me?" I don't respond. I'm too angry to even speak. I just push pass them and storm out the door.

There's only one person I want to see and that's Ashley.

Ashley's POV

I'm in the kitchen putting up some dishes when I hear I knock at the door, knowing it's not for me I continue putting up the dishes. I hear my mom go to answer it and the next thing I know she's yelling for me to come to the living room. I put the plate I had in my hand in the cabinet and go see what she wants. I turn the corner and stop in my tracks when I see Spencer standing in my living room talking to my parents. I can tell she's been crying her eyes are all puffy and red. My mom looks over and see's me leaning up against the wall where you first walk into the living room. Spencer looks from my mom to me and we lock eyes.

"Ashley honey, Spencer came over to see you. Why don't you guys go up to your room and talk or something?" I nod my head and walk over to Spencer and grab her hand and lead her to my bedroom.

When we get in my room I let go of Spencer's hand, shut the door and lean my back up against it. Spencer's pacing back and forth across the room.

"My dad's back, he's at my house right now." She stops and puts her head in her hands. "Shit, Shit, Shit." She whisper as I grab her hand and lead her to my bed. I push her down onto the bed and sit next to her and pull her into a hug, rubbing her back to calm her.

We stay like that for a couple of minutes then she pulls out of the embrace to whip her tears away, but I beat her to it. We both jump when we hear a knock on the door before my mom pops her head in.

"Spencer I'm sure Ashley would like it if you stayed the night." Spencer looks at me for permission and I smile and nod my head yes.

"Thanks Mrs. Davies. That would be nice."

"Okay sweetie, make sure you call your parents and make sure it's okay with them." Spencer tells her she will and she leaves.

For the rest of the day we just sat in my room. She told me about her parents leaving and her dad being abusive. I wanted to go over there in kill that man. She cried a little more and I comforted her until she fell asleep in my arms.


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere…_

_You guys rock! I don't have time to thank each of you individually, but you know I'll get back to you. Anyway on with the story…_

Spencer's POV

I woke up with an arm secured tightly around my waist. I look over to my right to see a peacefully sleeping Ashley. Even thought I have to pee I don't try to release myself from her. I don't want to wake her, hell who I'm kidding. I like the feeling of her body pressed up against mine. Anyways with my decision to stay in bed, I let my eyes observer the room, seeing as last night I was too emotional unstable to take in my surroundings. The first thing I notice is the large amount of pictures she has out in different area's in her room. In the pictures I can see, she's smiling in them. I've seen her smile before but not like she is in the pictures, she looks really happy and full of life. I also notice that she doesn't have that many pictures with her family in them. At least not the one's I can see from my position on the bed, most are filled with either herself with another person or pictures of other people that look to be our age. I'm assuming they are her friends. I wonder why she doesn't have family pictures everywhere and who exactly the people in the pictures are.

I start to feel her stir next me. She doesn't open her eyes but rolls over onto her back, removing her arm from around me in the process. Being free to move now, I turn so we're I'm facing her and prop myself up on my elbow and let my head rest in my hand. She still hasn't opened her eyes, so I reach over and move a piece of her out of her face leaving my thumb to run up and down her cheek. Her eyes slowly open up and she looks right at me.

"Hey." I say smiling. She just smiles back. "As much as I want to continue this little conversation we got going, I really have to pee." She rolls her eyes at me saying "hey" and her smiling at me referring to that as a conversation. "Think you can show me where the bathroom is located?" She just points to something behind me. I look behind me in see a door I hadn't notice before. I look back at her and say thanks before getting out the bed to head into what I'm guessing is the bathroom.

Ashley POV

I can't believe I actually was still holding her when I woke up or the fact that she was awake but didn't move. Now she's in the bathroom probably trying to make herself look decent but there's no need, she's even more beautiful first thing in the morning. I'm in my room trying to fix the mess on my head that can only be called bed hair. Spencer comes out of the bathroom with her blond her pulled into a lose ponytail. She spots me sitting on the bed and starts to say something when we hear a knock on the door followed by my mom sticking her head in "Good morning ladies. Come get some breakfast."

"Thanks Mrs. Davies, but I told my grandma I'd be home first thing." She say's lying to my mom, because she never called her house after my mom told her to. I just don't know why she's lying about having to leave.

"It's only 8am Spencer. You can't eat first sweetie?"

"Thanks, but I have to be somewhere in about an hour. I'll grab something to eat while I'm out." She says while putting on her shoes. "Maybe next time?" My mom gives her a nod then she says goodbye in shuts the door. I look at Spencer and she knows what I'm thinking. She's been getting good at reading me over the last month. She goes and sits on my bed while I lean up against the wall next to my bedroom door.

"No, my grandma doesn't want me at home." She says answering my unspoken question about why she told my mom her grandma wanted her home. "I just want to grab some stuff from my room before anyone gets up. I don't feel like seeing my dad, or getting into another argument with anyone." She gets up from the bed and walks toward me stopping right in front of me. "I'm going to go stay with Mia for awhile but I'll still come over every night." She says smiling at me, I return the smile. "Okay I should be going." She leans into give me a kiss on the cheek but before her lips can meet my cheek I turn my head and interrupted by kissing her.

At first she doesn't kiss back but after the moment of shock is gone she kisses back. The kiss is nice and slow like we both don't want it to end. After a minute we both start to really get into it, my hand goes around her waist to bring her more into me, if that's possible. She starts to run her tongue along my bottom lip asking to enter my mouth. I start to part my lips but the sound of a door slamming causes us to jump apart.

When my breathing returns to normal I look up to see Spencer grinning like crazy and I'm sure I'm blushing. We just look at each other for a minute then Spencer walks back over to me from the bed she flew onto when we parted.

"I really have to go." She gives me a peck on the lips. "But I'll see you tonight?" I nod my head and she gives me a kiss on the cheek before leaving.

It's going to be hard killing time while waiting for tonight!!!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere…

Spencer's POV

After I left Ashley's house, I went home. Everyone was still a sleep. So I grabbed some close and left for Mia's without leaving a note as to where I was going. I should have at least called my sister Paige and told her where I was, but I didn't. Now we're sitting in Mia's living room arguing because I refuse to go home.

"Spence, you have to go home. You're still on probation for the last stunt you pulled. You're lucky you got away with getting drunk a few weeks ago, but you can't run away. Grandma is going to call the cops if you're not home by 7pm." Paige says flopping down next to me on the couch. I let out a long sigh before speaking.

"Did you know dads back?"

Paige just turned 20 two months ago. She moved out of my grandma's house like five months ago, she lives with a couple of her friends not too far from our grandma's house. She still comes over to check on me in Glen. Paige's been like our mom since our parents left.

"No. When did this happen?" She looks over at me with concern.

"I don't know. When I came home yesterday Glen told me he was up stairs sleeping and that he wants to be a part of our lives again. I got mad, we argued, than I left."

"Where did you go? I called here after grandma called me and Mia said she hadn't seen you."

"I spent the night over Ashley's." I tell her with a big smile on my face. Paige knows all about me and Ashley.

"So, are you guys together."

"No, I mean we kissed this morning but that's it. I'm going to talk to her about it when I go back tonight." I say still smiling while I grab the remote to the TV.

"So you are going home?"

"No. I'm going over to Ashley's house." She snatches the remote from me and puts it back down on the table where I got it from.

"No. You're going home. And then you can go over to Ashley's after."

"Don't tell me you believe dads bullshit too. I'm not staying in that house with that man, far as I'm concern, I don't have a father."

"Of course I don't but you have to go home. I don't want you getting into trouble with the cops again. Plus if you don't go home and you get in trouble you won't get to see Ashley for awhile." She moves over and hugs me while she continues talking. "I promise I'll come over as much as I can. And you can always call me, you know that Spence." I hug her back tightly.

"I know." I say breaking the hug.

"Okay, do you want to me to drop you off now or are you going to stay here for awhile?" She said as she got up off the couch to grab her purse in keys.

"I'm staying here. I told Aiden I'd hang out with him today. I'll get him to drop me off at like 6pm."

"Okay, call me before you go to bed. I love you." She says giving me another hug before leaving.

After Paige left I decided to take a nap till Aiden comes to pick me up.

Ashley's POV

I've been sitting on my back porch for about an hour waiting on Spencer. I'm starting to get worried because she's usually here by now. I start to get up to go in the house when I hear someone call my name. I look up in there she and some boy walking into my backyard. She walks up to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek before sitting down beside me.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. I got into another argument with my grandma. " She tells me. I'm listening but my eyes are on the boy she came with. I've seen him sitting with her on her porch before but I don't know his name or anything.

"Oh yeah, this is my friend Aiden," She say pointing to the boy standing in front of us. I smile at him and he says hi. Then Spencer turns and smiles at me. "Aiden, this mygir… um Ashley." She tried to cover it up but I know she was about to call me her girlfriend, and I wish she would have.

"Well, I would love to stay and get to know you, Ashley, but I have to go get ready for work." Aiden says to me with a smile on his face. I nod my head at him to show I understand, than he looks over to Spencer. "Call me tomorrow. I'll pick you up at like 1pm so be ready." She gets off the porch and stands next to Aiden.

"I'm going to walk him to his car. I'll be right back, k." I nod my head and they start walking back the way they came.

After a couple of minutes Spencer comes back with a bag on her shoulder. She puts the bag down and sits back down next to me.

"I'm living at home again. When I decided to stay with Mia I had forgot I was on probation. If I get into any trouble I'll have to spend some time in juvie. And I don't think I can spend that much time away from you." She says and I blush. I look over at her for the first time since she started talking and she's staring at me with a serious look on her face. "You're so beautiful." She whispers leaning in. I don't waste any more time and close the gap between us.

We've been kissing for a while when Spencer pulls back smiling at me. She gives me a light peck on the lips then rests her forehead on mine.

"Ashley, will you be my girlfriend?" She asked a little shyly. I start to shake my head yes like crazy. She starts to laugh at me. "Okay I get it." I give her a playful slap on the arm before we start another make out session.

We stayed on the porch to about one in the morning just holding each other and kissing here in there, before she had to go home. I went to bed with one of the biggest smiles on my face knowing that Spencer was defiantly going to invading my dreams tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere…_

_You guys are truly amazing. I thank each and every one of you for reading and reviewing. Everyone wants to know what's going on with Ashley and I promise you within the next couple of chapters we will learn more about her. So everyone please just hold on a little longer because it is coming. Thanks!!_

Spencer POV

Things between me and Ashley have been great. It's been two weeks since she became my girlfriend, two amazing weeks. We've been spending a lot of time at her house. Her mom is really nice always making us snacks and asking if we got everything we need. It's nice to have some place to go and have people care about how your day went. Her dad is a lawyer so his always at his firm, its late when he get home so I haven't met him yet. She still hasn't said a word to me, and it's still all I can think about. Like how her voice sound and why she refuses to speak. Everything I have learned about her has been through her mom. Like her favorite candy is air heads and her favorite flower are lilies, and she was a cheer leader back in Detroit before they moved, and many more little facts about my silent girlfriend. Now I'm just waiting for _her_ to tell me the big facts or anything at all.

Right now we're in her bedroom. I'm walking around her room looking at the pictures while she's lying on her bed watching me. I just picked up a picture off her desk. She's in the picture with five other people. Three boys and two girls, one of the girls have her hands wrapped around Ashley's waist and their staring in each other eyes.

"Nice picture. Are they your old friend's?" I ask as make my way over to lay on the bed with her. When we're both laying facing each other she smiles and nods her head at me while taking the picture out of my hands. I point at the picture of the girl she staring at in the picture before asking, "Was that your girlfriend?" She looks at me for a minute before nodding her head yes. I had told her about my ex's and I had asked her if she had any, so the question wasn't out of nowhere. I mean, I told you what they looked like in the picture. There is no way they were not together.

I was about to ask her more about the people in the picture when her mom knocked on the door, than popped her head in.

"Sorry girls but Spencer, Glen came over and said your Grandma wants you to come home." I look from Ashley to her mom.

"Thanks Mrs. Davies. I'll be heading out in a minute." She just says okay see you later sweetie before she shuts that door leaving me alone with Ashley again. I look at Ashley and give her a kiss on the forehead before getting up to put on my shoes. After I was already to go, I walked over to the bed room door, Ashley followed. I leaned in and gave her a quick kiss.

"I'll see you tonight." Was all I said before leaving to see what my Grandma wanted, me and Ashley would see each other later on it is only four in the afternoon.

Ashley's POV

Spencer and I have been hugged up on the back porch for an hour now. No, we are not afraid of my brother or my mom seeing us, they're both gone. My family doesn't know I'm gay and Spencer knows that. She figured out they didn't know when my mom started telling her about my life in Detroit and boys that I use to talk to. I never went with any of them but I brought them home every now and then so my parents wouldn't ask any questions. Anyways Spencer told me she understands and will not out me till I'm ready. So when my family is around we're just best friends.

"I would love to hear your voice." She says break me out of my thoughts. She's been saying things like this a lot lately. And I can't blame her, I would want to know what my girlfriends voice sound like too.

I want to talk to her and tell her my deepest secrets, but for some reason I can't. I hope my silence doesn't run her off. I think I'm falling for this girl, and I don't want to lose her.

I pull away from her so were sitting next to each other with our feet hanging off the porch. I look over at her and smile while giving her a kiss on the cheek so she knows I'm not mad or anything. That's how we communicate, through my body language.

"I like you Ashley, and I'm not going to stop even if you never say a word to me." She says looking me in the eyes. I feel like I'm about to cry. She gives me a peck on the lip before continuing, "I want you to know, that I'm going to be here when you're ready to tell me what's keeping you from speaking or just anything at all."

I no longer feel like I'm about to cry. I am crying, and Spencer's here to hold me.


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere…_

_Enjoy_

Spencer's POV

"I don't know, I wa…"

I'm on the phone with Mia, when the line goes dead. I look over to see Glen with the phone cord in one of his hands. I get off my bed and push him.

"What the hell!" Glen just looks at me.

"I need to use the phone. You weren't talking about anything."

"Yeah I was." I said taking the cord from him plugging it back into the wall.

"Uh, no you weren't. Talking about your dumbass girlfriend doe…" He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence before my hand met his face. Once he gained his footing back we start yelling at each other. I told him to never talk about Ashley ever again, and some other stuff and he just yelled back.

"Hey! Stop this damn yelling, now!" We both stopped yelling at the sound of our dad's voice. We all stood still for a minute before, I started to put on my hoodie and walk past him to leave. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" He said grabbing my arm and yanking me back. I try to pull my arm back but he just tightens his grip.

"Mia is on her way to get me." He let go of my hand and I try again to get by but he wouldn't let me.

"Don't yell in my house again." He said looking from me to Glen. I know I should just be quiet but I can't.

"This is not your house." I say walking past him. Then I felt a push from behind and I went face first onto the hallway floor. I wasn't down long before Glen was trying to help me up. My nose was hurting bad and when I brought my hand up to touch it blood started to cover it. My back was hurting like hell to. I look back at my hand that has blood on it from my nose than back up at my dad.

"Next time keep your mouth shut." He says not showing even a hint of emotion for what he did. I don't give him a second look before I'm on my feet and making my way outside. Glens yelling for me to stop so he can clean me up but ignore him. When I get outside I see Mia getting out of the car. I yell for her to get back in the car, while I run to the passage side door of her car. She takes one look at me before starting the car and speeding off down the street.

Ashley's POV

Last night Spencer didn't come over. No matter if we spent the whole day together. We always sit on my back porch after 8pm till one of us gets tired. We've had this routine since the first time we talked; it's only broken when I have to go out of town with my family. Other than that we never missed a night, till now. Spencer didn't come. I haven't seen her all day today. I sat on the front porch all day waiting to see if I would catch her coming or going from her house. But the whole day I didn't see or hear from Spencer.

Now its 10pm and I'm on my way into the house from the back porch. I waited for Spencer for two hours and she still didn't show up. I'm worried but I'm also mad. I don't know what's going on with her. Every time she gets into it with one of her family members she comes over and tells me about it. So if it's about her family she would have came and told me about it. But nope she just doesn't come by at all today.

I'm walking out of my bathroom that's connected with my bedroom, when someone knocks on my bedroom door. I open it and Spencer standing in front of me.

"Ashley, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night." I don't move to let her in my room. I just stare at her. "And for today… you know, for not coming by till now." She tries to grab my hand but I don't let her.

She knows how to read me. She knows I want an explanation for why she's just now coming to see me.

"Look, I really don't want to talk about it."

What the hell is IT? I want to yell at her for making me worry then just showing up, with no scratches or anything that I could see stopping her from coming by, for at least five minutes to tell me she's okay.

"Ashley?" She tries to grab my hand again.

I don't say anything I just turn around and go lay down in my bed. When I look up Spencer's still standing in my door way. I move the cover so she gets the hint to come in lay down. She starts to walk over slowly and looks at anything and everything but me, because she knows I'm still mad. Remember I don't talk so she can read my eyes. And right now there showing how hurt I am.

When she reaches her side of the bed she takes off her shoes. I open the draw next to my bed and grab wife beater and some boxers. When I look back she's staring at me.

"Please stop being mad at me. I promise tomorrow I'll explain what happened. Right now I just want to hold you." I hand her the cloths I got for her to sleep in. When she taking it from me, she grabs my hand and kisses my palm. I can't help but smile. Even when I'm pissed at her, she finds away to make my stomach do back flips.

I take my hand back and look away from her, she counties to get dressed for bed. When I look back at her, she has her back to me, lifting her hoodie over her head. Her shirt comes up a little and I see a red mark on her back. I get out of bed and walk around to her side of the bed. She's facing me now; I grab her hips and try to turn her around. She puts her hands over mine.

"Don't." I don't listen and I turn her around, ignoring her protest. When I lift her shirt, I see that most of her lower back is bruised. One of the marks look fresh, I run my hand over it and she winces in pain. And all I want to know is what happen and who did this to her. I turn her around and see she's crying silent tears.

And I can no longer be silent.

"Spencer…"


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere…

Thanks for the reviews. You guys rock!

Spencer's POV

I can't move. I don't even think I'm breathing right now. She spoke. Ashley. My Ashley spoke. And she said my name.

"Spencer? What happen to your back? Did your dad do that to you?"

She's doing it again. Talking to me! But I'm still in shock, I can't speak.

"Spence… please say something. Please." She says in a whisper while wiping the tears that had escaped from my eyes, that I had forgotten do to the beautiful sound of her voice.

"Your voice is beautiful." Finally I speak, telling her nothing but the truth. I guess, just like me she had forgotten momentarily how her speaking was so out of the ordinary, because she turned away from me in sat on her bed. She put her head in her hands and shook her head from left to right, like she couldn't believe that she had let such a beautiful sound get passed her lips. I sound that I'm already addict to.

"Ashley?" I whisper as I kneeled in front of her, taking her hands away from her face. "It's okay you can talk to me. You can't late me hear something so wonderful, than take it back." She just stares at me and I give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love your voice. Please don't close up on me again. Please." She looks at me for minute before putting her hand over mine that is resting on the bed beside her leg.

"Tell me where you've been all day and what happen to your back." She says looking me right in the eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. Let's talk about you." I'm not ready to talk about the altercation with my father or anything that has happen since last night.

"No. Now what happen to your back?" She asks me crossing her arms over her chest. Something she did all the time to show me that she was serious.

"Ashley, this is my first time talking to you… or at least with you saying something back. I don't want to spend it talking about my stupid dad or my back." I say standing back up pacing back in forth across her room.

"Well… then at least tell me where you've been." I sigh before stopping in front of her.

"I said I don't want talk about it." I say get frustrated that she won't let it go.

"But I do."

"I don't!" I say as I starting to pace around the room again. When I look over to Ashley she's getting under the covers. I know she's mad at me. "Ashley?" She looks up from the blanket she was getting comfortable under and our eyes lock.

"If you're not at least ready to tell me," She points to herself. "Your girlfriend, who you ditched all day where you were, than I don't think I want to talk you." She waits a minute for me to say something, when I don't. She just pulls the covers up and closes her eyes waiting for sleep to take over.

Ashley's POV

I can't believe I actually spoke. It's been so long. I even forgot what my voice sound like. When I saw Spencer's back I just needed to know what happen. And when I do open my mouth and actual ask her. She just brushes it off, like she doesn't have scars on her back or hasn't spoken to me all day.

Now I'm lying here with my back to her pretending like I'm sleeping. We've been laying her for twenty minutes now. The first ten spent with Spencer trying to get me to speak to her or even look at her. Which, she failed miserably at both

I feel her move to sit up in bed. After getting comfortable she starts running her fingers through my hair.

"Ash?" She sighs and pulls on my shoulder to try and turn me around but I refuse to look at her. "I know you're awake." She waits for me to confirm her accusation but again I don't give in. "Ashley, I'm sorry okay. I just don't want to talk about today or last night. I know you want to know and I will tell you. I'm just not ready to and I need you to understand that."

She's right I do need to be there for her and understand that she'll tell me when she's ready. Because we all know she's patient with me not talking. So I would be a terrible girlfriend if I don't do the same.

I turn around and prop myself up on my elbow to look up at her. She looks down at me and smiles then switch from her sitting position to lying down propping herself on an elbow just like me. I lean over and give her I kiss.

"Can I hold you now?" She asks and I just push my body into her to let her know my answer. "Can I get a verbal answer, please?" I smile to myself before answering.

"Yeah, I would love nothing more than for you to hold me."

And with that said she wraps her arms around me. After awhile my eyes get heavy as I lay in her arms thinking about all the things WE are going to have to talk about tomorrow. And how I don't think I'm ready to talk about all those things.


	10. Chapter 10

Spencer's POV

We're sitting across from each other on her bed with our legs tucked under us. Its 7am, we've been like this for the past twenty minutes, just staring at each other. I've already told her about my dad hitting me, and then how I just stayed at Mia's that night in all day yesterday. She said she was glad I'm ok and she would worry less if I at least drop by to tell her I want be making it to our late nights together. Now were just sitting her in silence. I'm thinking about what happen yesterday, with her talking in all, I know she's probably thinking the same. There are so many things I want to ask her but on the other hand I'm scared I'll make her close up again.

"I a… I know you probably have a thousand questions…" I'm broke from my thoughts by the sweet sound of Ashley's voice. "And I want to answer them… at least I think I do. I jus..." I cut her off.

"Ashley, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I mean, don't get me wrong I do have questions because I really, really like you and I want to get to know you. But I also understand if there are things you don't want to talk about right now." I say trying to let her know that I'm not going anywhere. "So we can take this slow, day by day ok?" A smile dances its way across her face.

"Okay." She says getting on her knees and moving so were she's right in front of me, a get up on my knees too and she puts her arms around my neck . "You're great, do you know that?" She doesn't give me time to reply before she crashes her lips into mine. It only last for a minute before she pulls back and embrace me in a hug laying her head on my shoulder. "And I really, really like you too."

"That's good to know." I say as I pull out of the hug. "I need to go home."

"What? Why?" She says getting out of bed with me.

"I can't stay gone for too long or my Grandma will call my PO and tell him I ran away. And you know what will happen if she does that." I say walking up to her giving her a peck on the lips. I try to turn around to go to the bathroom, but she puts her arms around my waist to hold me in place.

"I don't want you to go back over there. Why don't you tell your PO about your dad, show him your back?" I look in her eyes for a moment then look away. I don't want to go through all the stuff that comes with telling people your dads an abusive bastard. She brings a hand to my chin and turns my face to look at her.

"I can't."

"Why not? I'll go with you." I now she really want me to do this because I never seen her leave this house without her parents and that was usually too go out of town, but I can't do what she asks. I remove her hands from around my waist and sit on the end of the bed. "Spence?" She sits down beside me.

"If I tell my PO he'll want to investigate and move me to a foster home or something. That's just a lot to go through, when I can just go home and avoid him. Look… I... schools starting back up in like two weeks that will keep me out of the house most if the time." I say as I put on my shoes.

"You shouldn't have to go through al…" I cut her off.

"I shouldn't but I am! I'm not leaving my home for him. I don't need any more drama!" I say with a kind a in a harsh tone from the frustration of the situation. My eyes are cast to the ground, but I can feel her staring at me. After a minute of silence, she gets up and walks to her dresser and grabs some cloths and walks to her bedroom door and opens it, all without saying a word to me. "Ashley… I" This time she cuts me off.

"I left you some cloths and a tooth brush on the dresser. I'm going to use the bathroom down the hall." She says before walking out and closing the door behind her.

Ashley's POV

I know Spencer didn't mean to sound so harsh, but I get mad just thinking about her going home and her dad hurting her again when she can do something about it. So, I just left to let her use my bathroom while I use the one down the hall from my room.

I'm on my way back up the stairs, after taking a shower I went down stairs to help my mom make breakfast, and so Spencer can have sometime to herself. When I get to my bedroom door, I take a deep breath before opening it. As soon as I step in her lips are on mine. After a minute she pulls back.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you. Please don't be mad at me. I know that you're worried that I'll go home and get hurt an…" I cut her off.

"Yeah I am." I say looking right in her yes.

"I know. And I can't promise I want but I will promise to at least talk to my PO about it." She must have thought about what I said while I was gone. I give her a little smile and she gives me a peck on the lips.

"Ok, now promise me one more thing?

"What might that be?"

"That if anything happens or you just feel uncomfortable or anything, you'll come talk to me and maybe stay the night." She kisses me again but it's short.

"I Promise.

"Good." I walk over and sit on the end of my bed and she does the same. "There's one more thing." I say looking down at my hands that are resting in my lap.

"Yeah, whatever might that be?" She says grabbing one of my hands. I look up at her and our eyes lock.

"Don't tell anyone that I'm talking. Not even your friends. Please." She's about to say something but I continue before she can. "I know your friends probably want care but… just don't tell anyone, ok?"

"If you don't want me to, I want." I give her a kiss on the cheek and stand up offering her my hand.

"Great, know lets go get some breakfast before you leave." Spencer takes my hand and we head down to breakfast.

At breakfast I go back to being the listener and for the first time it feels weird. I guess it's because I've spoken so much today and no one knows except the only person who ever cared to be the listener sometimes not just the talker. It's like Spencer and I have our own little secret and I like that. But what happens when the secret gets boring and she wants another. Will I be willing to share?


	11. Chapter 14

**A/N: Okay so I suck big time. I wrote this story back in 2008. It was actually the second fan fiction story that I had ever wrote and it's my baby. I started to post it on this site in 2009 but I ran into a problem with uploading it and stopped. But I'm back and hopefully I can finish it. I put all the chapters I have on this story together in sort of a master post but it was crazy long so I'm going to post it in parts. Thanks to everyone who reads, comments, subscribes to this story and my others. It's very much appreciated and it's because of you guys that I continue to write. Thanks. Please review.**

**This is some of what was already posted plus some…**

**Part 1 **

Spencer's POV

"I heard she's a mute and…"

That's my friend Aiden, his talking about the teenage girl of the family of four that moved in the house next door to me last week. Since I haven't the pleasure of introducing myself do to the black bracelet around my ankle, Aiden's been telling me the latest about the happenings around town. I've been on house a rest for three weeks now for trespassing and vandalizing an abandon house; I can't wait to get off next week. But anyways I've been sitting on my front porch watching them come in leave since they moved in.

"Hello! Are you listening to me?" I look over at Aiden and I can tell he knows I haven't heard a word he said.

"No. So what's her name?" He smiles and shakes his head at me, then nods in her direction. She's getting in the back seat of a SUV.

"Ashley Davies. She's Seventeen and that's all I know, oh and that she's a mute."

"You don't know that. You heard that." I say but I think he's right I haven't heard or seen her lips move since they moved in. Aiden gets up in starts walking down the front steps.

"Whatever, I got to go but I'll stop by tomorrow." Is the last thing he yells over his shoulder before getting in his car and driving away?

I sit on the porch a little while longer before my sister comes to the door and tells me to do my dishes. I go in do the dishes then take a nap all with Ashley on my mind.

Ashley's POV

It's 11 at night and I'm seating on the back porch thinking when I hear footsteps. I look over into the neighbor's yard and see a slender figure making its way through their backyard, before stopping and looking my way. It's the girl from the porch. She's always on the porch just watching cars go by or sometimes I see her watching me and every now and then someone is keeping her company. But I haven't seen her these last couple of days.

"Hey." I'm brought out of my thoughts by her voice. I look up and we lock eyes.

I don't say anything or move as she starts to make her way down the steps of her house and over the fence that separates her house from mine. She doesn't wait for me to offer her a seat; she just flops down next to me on the porch. She looks over at me in smile; I just look down at my hands that are occupying my lap.

"So… I haven't had I chance to introduce myself, I'm Spencer. Your Ashley right?" I just nod my head yes and she continues. "Well Ashley it's nice to meet you." I don't say anything. I think she knows by now that I'm not going to so she doesn't say anything else, and we just sit there swaying our feet side to side off the porch enjoying the silence.

We've been sitting for about five minutes when my back door opens in my brother walks out. He looks from Spencer to me then back to Spencer. He offers her his hand to shake which she takes. "Hi I'm Shane."

"Spencer." She says letting go of his hand.

"I know she hasn't told you so… this freak here is my sister Ashley." He says patting my head like a dog.

I hate him.

Spencer looks at me while talking to him. "I know who she is, and you shouldn't call your sister a freak."

At that, I look up at her and she smile at me. Shane shakes his head no. "Why? I just call em how I see em. And she," He points at me. He points at me. "Sister or not… is a freak, she hasn't said a word in a year, so don't waste your time."He sighs. "Hell you wouldn't even know her name unless someone told you, cause she sure the hell isn't."

Spencer scoots off the porch and looks up to Shane who is leaning back against the house. "That doesn't make her a freak, maybe she just doesn't won't to talk to you."

I haven't said a word to her and she's defending me. I like her already.

"Whatever." Is his only reply before he retreats back into the house, I look at Spencer and she smiles at me.

"Well Ashley, thanks for the chat," That causes me to smile for the first time at her. "But I have to be going, so I'll see you." Then she climbs back over the fence into her yard in enters her house.

I get up and go into the house to get ready for bed with Spencer on my mind and no doubt she'll be invading my dreams tonight.

#$%^^^^%

Spencer's POV

"Come on Spence." Jessica said as she flopped down next to me on my bed.

"No thanks, my grandma will kill me if I get drunk again, at least this soon. I mean, I just got off of house arrest I need to lay low for awhile." Jessica is another one of my few friends, despite her trying to get me to go clubbing for the past hour, she's a good friend.

"Are you kidding me, she won't even find out. Mia said you can crash at her house afterwards," She through her hands up to show she's aggravated as I shook my head no. "Please?" She says giving me puppy dog eyes.

I was but to tell her no for the thousands time when my best friend Mia and Aiden came crashing through the door.

"Come on, we're leaving" Aiden said turning back around to head out the door.

Knowing that I'm not going passed the front porch, I follow behind them anyway. We got outside and I stop in the front door to my house and lean up against the frame. All three of them are walking off the porch when Jessica notices that I had stopped and remembers that I said I'm not going. She tells Mia and Aiden to stop for a second. She looks at me while she talk's. "Spencer refuses to come." Aiden and Mia quickly turn their heads my way.

"Why?" I was about to answer Aiden's question when he cuts me off. "Never mind we all know you're going to meet Ashley."

He's right. It's been a week since the first night I went over Ashley's and I've been going over sitting with her every night since then. I tell her about my day and just ramble on about anything and everything that comes to mind. I just feel comfortable around her, I even told her things I never told Mia and she's been my best friend since first grade. And of course Ashley just sits and listens and every now and then I get her to smile but not one word leaves her mouth. When my friends asked me why I haven't been hanging out with them at night, I told them about my nights with Ashley. They didn't get mad and think I was replacing them with her because we hang out all day but they did tease me about the crush I have on her. Yes, I said it. I'm crushing on someone who I might not ever hear say my name. They didn't talk about her either when I told them Aiden's story about her being a mute was true. They're good friends and people like tha…

I was snapped out of thoughts by Mia's voice. "Why don't you invite her to come with us?"

I could but we all know that's not going to happen.

"You know she won't come." I say stepping out on to the front porch taking a seat on my favorite chair.

"Just ask tonight, and come out with us tomorrow, okay?" I just nod my head and they say good bye and head to Aiden's car.

I stay sitting down trying to collect my thought before I go over to Ashley's

Ashley's POV

We're sitting on my back porch playing checker's and Spencer's being scarily quiet. I mean, every night since she's been coming over she'd have something to talk about or should I say tell because I never talk back. I think she's comfortable telling me things because she knows I won't tell anyone else or say something judgmental or nothing at all and I don't mind just listening. But the point is she's been here for an hour and hasn't said more than two words.

"You know." Oh and she speaks. "My friends went to a club tonight, and they wanted me to come."

I look up at her and we lock eyes.

"But I told them, I'd rather hang out with you then get drunk." After the words leave her mouth I look away and sit so were my feet are swinging off the porch.

As much as I like the thought of knowing she wants to be around me, I still don't want her friends to be mad at her because she's ditching them for me.

"Hey," She says moving to sit next to me. When she gets comfortable she reaches over and moves a piece of hair from out of my face and moves her hand down to my chin turning my face to look at her. "You okay?" She says removing her soft fingers from my chin to her lap.

She says removing her soft fingers from my chin to her lap. I nod my head yes.

She look's away and I just stare at the side of her face. A minute goes by before she looks back at me and smiles. "We're going out tomorrow and everyone would like it if you came. I…I'd like it if you come, and we won't go to a club or anything. We could just hang out around Mia's house or something. Her moms never home and…." She looks over at me. "I'm rambling?" I shake my head yes smiling at her. "Your smiling so does that mean yall go?"

"She's not going anywhere with you dyke!" I almost jump off the porch hearing Shane's voice.

Wait. What did he just call her? I should kick his ass.

"What did you call me?" Spencer says getting off the porch and into Shane's face.

"You heard me. Stop hitting on my sister," He shoves Spencer causing her to fall down. "My sister might be a freak but she's not gay."

If he only now how wrong he was I thought as I rushed to Spencer side. She quickly got up and back in his face.

"I am going to kick your sorry as all over this yard." She says. Her voice filled with anger.

"Go ahead so they can put you back in jail. I'm sure your family won't miss you since they already disowned you." I see Spencer ball up her fist ready to swing but I grab her, pulling her back. She looks at me with tears in her eyes then takes off out our back fence and into the alley, disappearing into the night.

I look back at Shane he has a big smile on his face which quickly smack off. I start to turn around to go in the house but not before I smack him again. Then I finally go in the house hoping that Spencer will come back over.

Spencer's POV

I've been laying here in my bed all day, contemplating if I should go over to Ashley's tonight. After the altercation that revealed a lot about me and my life, I called Aiden and he picked me up. We went back to the club they had been at while I was at Ashley's.

I tried to get drunk but couldn't get passed my first drink because all I could think about was Ashley and wonder what she thinks about me now. Will she still want me to come over or will she won't to forget that I ever existed? After we left the club we crashed at Mia's house, she dropped me off around seven this morning before she headed to work. (I know, how does she party all night then get up the next day for work? it's beyond me.) As soon as I walked in the house my grandma was there to read me the law. When she was done, I went to my room and been here all day.

I look over at the clock and its 9pm. Ashley should be out on her back porch now. I get out of bed and head down stairs, telling myself if she's out there I'll go over. If not… will let's hope she is. I pushed the back door open and step out onto the porch. I close my eyes as I turn to look to see if she's sitting on the porch. I do a little prayer in my head and open my eyes. There she is, feet swinging off the porch, she's staring at me and before I know it, I'm making my way over to her.

Ashley's POV

Spencer's been sitting next to me for the last ten minutes. Every now and then she'll open her mouth to say something but closes it before any words can escape. I know she's probably wondering how I feel about everything my brother told me about her, and I want to tell her. I want to tell her that I'm gay too and I have this big crush on her and that it's okay if she doesn't want to talk about her family right now. But I just can't bring myself to speak, even if the girl sitting next to me, makes want to. I'm just glad she came back.

"I'm sorry." I look at her with confusion written all across my face. And she notice. "For…for not telling you that I'm gay an…" I stop her by putting my hand over hers, she has no reason to apologize, it's not like I've told her a lot about me.

"I take that as I sign that we're still friends." She says referring to my hand on hers. I just smile and nod my head without removing my hand. "I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how you would react and I like talking to you." To show her my reaction I move closer to her so were our shoulders are touching and I intertwine our fingers together and place them in my lap. I look up after getting comfortable and she has the biggest smile on her face I've ever seen.

After awhile she starts to tell me about what she did and where she went when she left last night. And like always I just sit and listen but this time with her hand in mine.

#^%*&^*^*^&%$^&%$

Spencer's POV

Things with me and Ashley have been great. We've been holding hands and I even started giving her goodnight kisses on the cheek. We haven't talked about what all that means or doesn't mean and I'm ok with that. Its two months and I still have yet to hear here speak. But she always finds other ways to show me how she feels. Anyways I can't wait until tonight. We haven't seen each other in two days. She had to go out of town with her parents for the weekend; at least that's what I overheard Shane saying to one of his dumb friends. And while I've been having fun hang out with my friends, I've missed Ashley like crazy.

It's like one something in the afternoon and Aiden just dropped me off at home. Last night I crashed at Mia's after we went out. I just opened the front door and my grandma and my stupid brother Glen is sitting in the living room watching something on TV. My grandma spots me trying to go up the stairs and calls me into the living room.

"You know Spencer, It's not polite to come in and not speak." She Says turning off the TV. Seeing as how I didn't get away with sneaking pass, I walk over in take a seat on the couch with Glen.

"It looked like you guys were enjoying the program on TV. I didn't want to interrupt." I say lying. Because truth be told, I could have gone the whole day without speaking to either of them.

"Well anyways, there's something you need to know." Glen say's and I turn my attention away from my grandma to his smiling face.

"Oh yeah, what might that be?"

"Dad's up stair's sleep." My jaw all most hit the floor with that bit of information. I haven't seen my dad in two years, and I don't mind if it stays that way. He is one of the most selfish people I've ever met in my life. Last time we saw him he was packing his stuff to leave my brother, sister and me, three years after my mom left us to be with some guy she was cheating on my dad with. She said she would come back to get us once she got herself together but she never did. After she left my dad started getting abusive, he would hit us for any old stupid reason. One time he broke my arm. So I was more than happy when he packed his things and said he couldn't do this anymore, be a parent that is, be a dad. So for the last two years we've been staying with my grandma. And I like it this way. Not having to go through the day worrying about someone tossing me half way across the room. I can't let him come back into our lives.

"Spence."Glen's voice breaks me from my thoughts.

"Why is he here?" They both just look at me like they don't know who I'm talking about. "Dad. Why is dad here? What does he want?" My voice starts to crack, sounding little and weak.

"He says he misses us and he wants to be with us."

"Well, I don't want to be with him. Don't you remember what he put us through?" I say getting up to go to my room. Glen stands up and grabs my arm turning me around.

"That was two years ago. He said he was sorry and he's better." I can't believe he actually thinks that's true.

"And you believe him? I don't care how sorry he is. I don't want anything to do with him!" I say my voice starting to rise with my anger. But I'm trying to keep it down because I don't want the man who's causing it to wake up before I can get some stuff from my room and leave.

"He's our father Spencer."

"Yeah Glen, he's our father that abused us than left us. Some father." I say yanking my arm away from Glen.

"Spencer and Glen stop!" My grandma is up standing between us now. "Spencer your dad will be staying here no matter if you like it or not. Do you understand me?" I don't respond. I'm too angry to even speak. I just push pass them and storm out the door.

There's only one person I want to see and that's Ashley.

Ashley's POV

I'm in the kitchen putting up some dishes when I hear I knock at the door. Knowing it's not for me I continue putting up the dishes. I hear my mom go to answer it and the next thing I know she's yelling for me to come to the living room. I put the plate I had in my hand in the cabinet and go see what she wants. I turn the corner and stop in my tracks when I see Spencer standing in my living room talking to my parents. I can tell she's been crying, her eyes are all puffy and red. My mom looks over and see's me leaning up against the wall where you first walk into the living room. Spencer looks from my mom to me and we lock eyes.

"Ashley honey, Spencer came over to see you. Why don't you guys go up to your room and talk or something?" I nod my head and walk over to Spencer and grab her hand and lead her to my bedroom.

When we get in my room I let go of Spencer's hand, shut the door and lean my back against it. Spencer's pacing back and forth across the room.

"My dad's back. He's at my house right now." She stops and puts her head in her hands. "Shit, Shit, Shit." She whisper as I grab her hand and lead her to my bad. I push her down on the bed and sit next to her and pull her into a hug, rubbing her back to calm her.

We stay like that for a couple of minute then she pulls out of the embrace to whip her tears away but I beat her to it. We both jump when we hear a knock on the door. My mom pops her head in.

"Spencer I'm sure Ashley would like it if you stay the night." Spencer looks at me for permission and I smile and nod my head yes.

"Thanks Mrs. Davies. That would be nice."

"Okay sweetie, make sure you call your parents and make sure it's okay with them." Spencer tells her she will and she leaves.

For the rest of the day we just sat in my room. She told me about her parents leaving and her dad being abusive. I wanted to go over there in kill that man. She cried a little more and I comforted her until she fell asleep in my arms.

Spencer's POV

I wake up with an arm secured tightly around my waist. I look over to my right to see a peacefully sleeping Ashley. Even thought I have to pee I don't try to release myself from her. I don't want to wake her, hell who I'm kidding, I like the feeling of her body pressed up against mine. Anyway with my decision to stay in bed, I let my eyes observer the room, seeing as last night I was too emotional unstable to take in my surroundings. The first thing I notice is the large amount of pictures she has separated out in different area's in her room. In the pictures I can make out she's smiling in them. I've seen her smile before but not like she is in the pictures. She looks really happy and full of life. I also notice that she doesn't have that many pictures with her family in them. At least not the one's I can see from my position on the bed. Most are filled with either herself with another person or pictures of other people that look to be our age. I'm assuming they're her friends. I wonder why she doesn't have family pictures everywhere and who exactly the people in the pictures are.

I start to feel her stir next me. She doesn't open her eyes but rolls over on her back, removing her arm from around me in the process. Being free to move now, I turn so were I'm facing her and prop myself up on my elbow and let my head rest in my hand. She still hasn't opened her eyes, so I reach over and move a piece of hair out of her face, leaving my thumb to run up and down her cheek. Her eyes slowly open up and she looks right at me.

"Hey." I say smiling. She just smiles back. "As much as I want to continue this little conversation we got going… I really have to pee." She rolls her eyes at me saying "hey" in her smiling a conversation. "Think you can show me where the bathroom is located?" She just points to something behind me. I look behind me in see a door I hadn't notice before. I look back at her and say thanks before getting out the bed to head into what I'm guessing is the bathroom.

Ashley POV

I can't believe I actually was still holding her when I woke up or the fact that she was awake but didn't move. Now she's in the bathroom probably trying to make herself look decent but there's no need she's even more beautiful first thing in the morning. I'm the one out here trying to fix the mess on my head that can only be called bed hair. Spencer comes out of the bathroom with her blond hair pulled into a lose ponytail. She spots me sitting on the bed and starts to say something when we hear a knock on the door followed by my mom sticking her head in "Good morning ladies! Come get some breakfast."

"Thanks Mrs. Davies, but I told my grandma I'd be home first thing." She say's lying to my mom, because she never called her house after my mom told her to. I just don't know why she's lying about having to leave.

"It's only 8am Spencer. You can't eat first sweetie?"

"Thanks, but I have to be somewhere in about an hour. I'll grab something to eat while I'm out." She says while putting on her shoes. "Maybe next time?" My mom gives her a nod then she says goodbye in shuts the door. I look at Spencer and she knows what I'm thinking. She's been getting good at reading me over the last month. She goes and sets on my bed while I lean up against the wall next to my bedroom door.

"No, my grandma doesn't want me at home." She says answer my unspoken question about why she told my mom her grandma wanted her home. "I just want to grab some stuff from my room before anyone gets up. I don't feel like seeing my dad or getting to another argument with anyone." She gets up from the bed and walk toward me stopping right in front of me. "I'm going to go stay with Mia for awhile but I'll still come over every night." She says smiling at me. I return the smile. "Okay I should be going." She leans into give me a kiss on the cheek but before her lips can meet my cheek I turn my head and interrupt by kissing her.

At first she doesn't kiss back but after the moment of shock is gone she kisses back. The kiss is nice and slow like we both don't want it to end. After a minute we both start to really get into it. My hand goes around her waist to bring her more into me if that's possible. She starts to run her tongue along my bottom lip asking to enter my mouth. I start to part my lips but the sound of a door slamming causes us to jump apart.

When my breathing returns to normal I look up to see Spencer grinning like crazy and I'm sure I'm blushing. We just look at each other for a minute then Spencer walks back over to me from the bed she flew on when we parted.

"I really have to go." She gives me a peck on the lips. "But I'll see you tonight?" I nod my head and she gives me a kiss on the cheek before leaving.

It's going to be hard killing time waiting for tonight!

Spencer's POV

After I left Ashley's house, I went home. Everyone was still a sleep so I grabbed some clothes and left for Mia's without leaving a note as to where I was going. I should have at least called my sister Paige and told her where I was, but I didn't. Now we're sitting in Mia's living room arguing because I refuse to go home.

"Spence, you have to go home. You're still on probation for the last stunt you pulled. You're lucky you got away with getting drunk a few weeks ago, but you can't run away. Grandma is going to call the cops if you're not home by 7pm." Paige says flopping down next to me on the couch. I let out a long sigh before speaking.

"Do you know dads back?"

Paige just turned 20 two months ago. She moved out of my grandma's house like five months ago, she lives with a couple of her friends not too far from our grandma's house. She still comes over to check on me and Glen. She's been like our mom since our parents left.

"No. When did this happen?" She looks over at me with concern.

"I don't know. When I came home yesterday Glen told me he was up stairs sleeping and that he wants to be a part of our lives again. I got mad, we argued, than I left."

"Where did you go? I called here after grandma called me and Mia said she hadn't seen you."

"I spent the night over Ashley's." I tell her with a big smile on my face. Paige knows all about me in Ashley.

"So, are you guys together."

"No. I mean we kissed this morning but that's it. I'm going to talk to her about it when I go back tonight." I say still smiling while I grab the remote to the TV.

"So you're going home?"

"No. I'm going over to Ashley's house." She snatches the remote from me and put it back down on the table where I got it from.

"No. You're going home and then you can go over to Ashley's after."

"Don't tell me you believe dads bullshit too. I'm not staying in that house with that man. Far as I'm concern I don't have a father."

"Of course I don't but you have to go home. I don't want you getting into trouble with the cops again. Plus if you don't go home and you get in trouble you won't get to see Ashley for awhile." She moves over and hugs me while she continues talking. "I promise I'll come over as much as I can and you can always call me, you know that Spence." I hug her back tightly.

"I know." I say breaking the hug.

"Okay, do you want to me to drop you off now or are you going to stay here for awhile?" She says as she gets up off the couch, grabbing her purse and keys.

"I'm staying here. I told Aiden I'd hang out with him today. I'll get him to drop me off at like 6pm."

"Okay, call me before you go to bed. I love you." She says giving me another hug before leaving.

After Paige left I decided to take a nap until Aiden comes to pick me up.

Ashley's POV

I've been sitting on my back porch for about an hour waiting on Spencer. I'm starting to get worried because she's usually here by now. I start to get up to go in the house when I hear someone call my name. I look up in there she is with some boy with her walking into my backyard. She walks up to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek before sitting down beside me.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. I got into another argument with my grandma. " She tells me. I'm listening but my eyes are on the boy she came with. I seen him sitting with her on her porch before but I don't know his name or anything.

"Oh yeah, this is my friend Aiden," She say pointing to the boy standing in front of us. I smile at him and he says hi. Then Spencer turns and smiles at me. "Aiden this my gir… um Ashley." She tried to cover it up but I know she was about to call me her girlfriend, and I wish she would have.

"Well I would love to stay and get to know you Ashley but I have to go get ready for work." Aiden says to me with a smile on his face I nod my head at him to show I understand, than he looks over to Spencer. "Call me tomorrow, I'll pick you up at like 1pm so be ready." She gets off the porch and stands next to Aiden.

"I'm going to walk him to his car. I'll be right back, k." I nod my head and they start walking back the way they came.

After a couple of minutes Spencer comes back with a bag on her shoulder. She puts the bag down and sits back down next to me.

"I'm living at home again. When I decided to stay with Mia I had forgot I was on probation. If I get into any trouble I'll have to spend some time in juvie. And I don't think I can spend that much time away from you." She says and I blush. I look over at her for the first time since she started talking and she's staring at me with a serious look on her face. "You're so beautiful." She whispers leaning in. I don't waste any more time and close the gap between us.

We've been kissing for a while when Spencer pulls back smiling at me. She gives me a light peck on the lips then rests her forehead on mine.

"Ashley, will you be my girlfriend?" She asks a little shyly. I start to shake my head yes like crazy. She starts to laugh at me. "Okay I get it." I give her a playful slap on the arm before we start another make out session.

We stayed on the porch until about one in the morning just holding each other and kissing here in there, before she had to go home. I went to bed with one of the biggest smiles on my face knowing that Spencer was defiantly going to invading my dreams tonight.

#^&%*^(

Spencer POV

Things between me and Ashley have been great. It's been two weeks since she became my girlfriend, two amazing weeks. We've been spending a lot of time at her house. Her mom is really nice. Always making us snacks and asking if we got everything we need. It's nice to have some place to go and have people care about how your day went. Her dad is a lawyer so he's always at his firm. It's late when he gets home so I haven't met him yet. She still hasn't said a word to me. And it's still all I can think about. Like how her voice would sound and why she refuses to speak. Everything I have learned about her has been through her mom. Like her favorite candy is air heads and her favorite flowers are lilies, and she was a cheerleader back in Detroit before they moved, and many more little facts about my silent girlfriend. Now I'm just waiting for her to tell me the big facts or anything at all.

Right now we're in her bedroom. I'm walking around her room looking at the pictures while she's lying on her bed watching me. I just picked up a picture off her desk. She's in the picture with five other people. Three boys and two girls, one of the girls have her hands wrapped around Ashley's waist and their staring in each other eyes.

"Nice picture. Are they your old friend's?" I ask as making my way over to lay on the bed with her. When we're both laying facing each other she smiles and nods her head at me while taking the picture out of my hands. I point at the picture of the girl she staring at in the picture before asking, "Was that your girlfriend?" She looks at me for a minute before nodding her head yes. I had told her about my ex's and I had asked her if she had any, so the question wasn't out of nowhere. I mean, I told you what they looked like in the picture. There is no way they were not together.

I was about to ask her more about the people in the picture when her mom knocked on the door than popped her head in.

"Sorry girls but Spencer, Glen came over and said your Grandma wants you to come home." I look from Ashley to her mom.

"Thanks Mrs. Davies, I'll be heading out in a minute." She just says okay see you later sweetie before she shuts that door leaving me alone with Ashley again. I look to Ashley and give her a kiss on the forehead before getting up to put on my shoes. After I'm all ready to go, I walked over to the bedroom door, Ashley follows. I lean in and give her a quick kiss.

"I'll see you tonight." Was all I say before leaving to see what my Grandma wants. Me and Ashley will see each other later on it is only four in the afternoon.

Ashley's POV

Spencer and I have been hugged up on the back porch for an hour now. No, we are not afraid of my brother or my mom seeing us. They are both gone. My family doesn't know I'm gay and Spencer knows that, she figured out they didn't know when my mom started telling her about my life in Detroit and boys that I use to talk to. I never went with any of them but I brought them home every now and then so my parents wouldn't ask any questions. Anyway Spencer told me she understands and will not out me until I'm ready. So when my family is around we're just best friends.

"I would love to hear your voice." She says break me out of my thoughts. She's been saying things like this a lot lately, and I can't blame her. I would want to know what my girlfriends voice sound like too.

I want to talk to her and tell her my deepest secrets but for some reason I can't. I hope my silence doesn't run her off. I think I'm falling for this girl, and I don't want to lose her.

I pull away from her so we're sitting next to each other with our feet hanging off the porch. I look over at her and smile while giving her a kiss on the cheek so she knows I'm not mad or anything. That's how we communicate, through my body language.

That's how we communicate, through my body language.

"I like you Ashley, and I'm not going to stop even if you never say a word to me." She says looking me in the eyes. I feel like I'm about to cry. She gives me a peck on the lips before continuing, "I want you to know, that I'm going to be here when you're ready to tell me what's keeping you from speaking or just anything at all."

I no longer feel like I'm about to cry. I am crying, and Spencer's here to hold me.

^&%*^%&*^(

Spencer's POV

"I don't know, I wa…"

I was on the phone with Mia, when the phone line went dead. I looked over to see Glen with the phone cord in one of his hands. I get off my bed and push him.

"What the hell!" Glen just looks at me.

"I need to use the phone. You weren't talking about anything."

"Yeah I was." I say taking the cord from him and plugging it back into the wall.

"Uh, no you weren't. Talking about your dumbass girlfriend doe…" He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence before my hand met his face. Once he gained his footing back we start yelling at each other. I told him to never talk about Ashley ever again and some other stuff and he just yelled back.

"Hey! Stop this damn yelling, now!" We both stop yelling at the sound of our dad's voice. We all stand still for a minute before I start to put on my hoodie and walk pass him to leave. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" He says grabbing my arm and yanking me back. I try pulling my arm back but he just tightens his grip.

"Mia is on her way to get me." He lets go of my hand. I try again to get by but he won't let me.

"Don't yell in my house again." He says looking from me to Glen. I know I should just be quiet but I can't.

"This is not your house." I say walking pass him. Then I feel a push from behind and I go face first onto the hallway floor. I'm not down long before Glen tries to help me up. My nose is hurting bad and when I bring my hand up to touch it blood starts to cover it. My back is hurting like hell too. I look back at my hand that has blood on it from my nose than back up at my dad.

"Next time keep your mouth shut." He says not showing even a hint of emotion for what he did. I don't give him a second look before I'm on my feet and making my way outside. Glens yelling for me to stop so he can clean me up but I ignore him. When I get outside I see Mia getting out of the car, I yell for her to get back in the car while I run to the passage side door. She takes one look at me before starting the car and speeding off down the street.

Ashley's POV

Last night Spencer didn't come over. No matter if we spent the whole day together. We always sit on my back porch after 8pm until one of us gets tired. We've had this routine since the first time we talked; it's only broken when I have to go out of town with my family. Other than that we never missed a night, until now. Spencer didn't come. I haven't seen her all day today. I sat on the front porch all day waiting to see if I would catch her coming or going from her house. But the whole day I didn't see or hear from Spencer.

Now its 10pm and I'm on my way into the house from the back porch. I waited for Spencer for two hours and she still didn't show up. I'm worried but I'm also mad. I don't know what's going on with her. Every time she gets into it with one of her family members she comes over and tells me about it. So if it's about her family she would have came and told me about it. But nope she just doesn't come by at all today.

I'm walking out of my bathroom that's connected with my bedroom, when someone knocks on my bedroom door. I open it and Spencer standing in front of me.

"Ashley, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night." I don't move to let her in my room. I just stare at her. "And for today. You know, for not coming by until now." She tries to grab my hand but I don't let her.

She knows how to read me. She knows I want an explanation for why she's just now coming to see me.

"Look, I really don't want to talk about it."

What the hell is IT? I want to yell at her for making me worried then just showing up with no scratches or anything that I could see stopping her from coming by for at least five minutes to tell me she's okay.

"Ashley?" She tries to grab my hand again.

I don't say anything I just turn around and go lay down in my bed. When I look up Spencer's still standing in my doorway. I move the cover so she can come in lay down. She starts to walk over slowly and looks at anything and everything but me because she knows I'm still mad. Remember I don't talk so she can read my eyes. Right now there showing how hurt I am.

When she reaches her side of the bed she takes off her shoes. I open the draw next to me and a grab wife beater and some boxers. When I look back she's staring at me.

"Please stop being mad at me. I promise tomorrow I'll explain what happened but right now I just want to hold you." I hand her the cloths I got for her to sleep in. When she taking it from me, she grabs my hand and kisses it. I can't help but smile. Even when I'm pissed at her, she finds away to make my stomach do back flips.

I take my hand back and look away from her, she counties to get dressed for bed. When look back at her, she has her back to me and is lifting her hoodie over her head. Her shirt comes up a little and I see a red mark on her back. I get out of bed and walk around to her side of the bed. She's facing me now; I grab her hips and try to turn her around. She puts her hands over mine.

"Don't." I don't listen and I turn her around ignoring her protest. When I lift her shirt, I see that most of her lower back is bruised. One of the marks looks fresh. I run my hand over it and she winces in pain. And all I want to know is what happened and who did this to her. I turn her around and see she's crying silent tears.

And I can no longer be silent.

"Spencer…"

Spencer's POV

I can't move. I don't even think I'm breathing right now. She spoke. Ashley. My Ashley spoke. And she said my name.

"Spencer? What happen to your back? Did your dad do that to you?"

She's doing it again, talking to me. But I'm still in shock, I can't speak.

"Spence… please say something. Please." She says in a whisper while wiping the tears, that had escaped from my eyes, that I had forgotten do to the beautiful sound of her voice.

"Your voice is beautiful." Finally I speak, telling her nothing but the truth. I guess she had forgotten momentarily how her speaking was so out of the ordinary because she turns away from me in sits on her bed. She puts her head in her hands and shakes it from left to right. Like she couldn't believe that she had let such a beautiful sound get passed her lips. I sound that I'm already addict to.

"Ashley?" I whisper as I kneel in front of her, taking her hands away from her face. "It's okay you can talk to me. You can't let me hear something so wonderful than take it back." She just stares at me and I give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love your voice. Please don't close up on me again. Please." She looks at me for minute before putting her hand over my hand that is resting on the bed beside her leg.

"Tell me where you've been all day and what happened to your back." She says looking me right in the eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. Let's talk about you." I'm not ready to talk about the altercation with my father or anything that has happened since last night.

"No. Now what happened to your back?" She asks me crossing her arms over her chest. Something she did all the time when she refused to talk, to show me that she was serious.

"Ashley, this is my first time talking to you… or at least with you saying something back. I don't want to spend it talking about my stupid dad or my back." I say standing back up pacing back in forth across her room.

"Well then at least tell me where you've been." I sigh before stopping in front of her.

"I said I don't want talk about it." I say get frustrated that she won't let it go.

"But I do."

"I don't!" I say as I starting to pace around the room again. When I look over to Ashley she's getting under the covers. I know she's mad at me. "Ashley?" She looks up from the blanket she was getting comfortable under and our eyes lock.

"If you're not at least ready to tell me," She points to herself. "Your girlfriend, who you ditched all day where you were, than I don't think I want to talk you." She waits a minute for me to say something, when I don't. She just pulls the covers up and closes her eyes waiting for sleep to take over.

Ashley's POV

I can't believe I actually spoke. It's been so long, I even forgot what my voice sounds like. When I saw Spencer's back I just needed to know what happened. And when I do open my mouth and actual ask her, she just brushes it off. Like she doesn't have scars on her back or hasn't spoken to me all day.

Now I'm lying here with my back to her pretending like I'm sleeping. We've been laying her for twenty minutes now, the first ten spent with Spencer trying to get me to speak to her or even look at her. Which, she failed miserably at both.

I feel her move to sit up in bed. After getting comfortable she starts run her fingers through my hair.

"Ash?" She sighs and pulls on my shoulder to try and turn me around but I refuse to look at her. "I know you're awake." She waits for me to confirm her accusation but again I don't give in. "Ashley, I'm sorry okay. I just don't want to talk about today or last night. I know you want to know and I will tell you, I'm just not ready to and I need you to understand that."

She's right I do need to be there for her and understand that she'll tell me when she's ready. Because we all know she has been understanding with me. So I would be a terrible girlfriend if I don't do the same.

I turn around and prop myself up on my elbow to look up at her. She looks down at me and smiles then switch from her sitting position to lying down propping herself on an elbow just like me. I lean over and give her I kiss.

"Can I hold you now?" She asks and I just push my body into her to let her know my answer. "Can I get a verbal answer, please?" I smile to myself before answering.

"Yeah, I would love nothing more than for you to hold me."

And with that said she wraps her arms around me. After awhile my eyes get heavy as I lay in her arms thinking about all the things WE are going to have to talk about tomorrow, and I how I don't think I'm ready to talk about all those things.

Spencer's POV

We're sitting across from each other on her bed, with our legs tucked under us. Its 7am, we've been like this for the past twenty minutes, just staring at each other. I've already told her about my dad hitting me, and then how I just stayed at Mia's that night in all day yesterday. She said she was glad I'm ok and she would worry less if I at least drop by to tell her I won't be making it to our late nights together. Now were just sitting here in silence. I'm thinking about what happen yesterday, with her talking in all, I know she's probably thinking the same. There are so many things I want to ask her but on the other hand I'm scared I'll make her close up again.

"I yo… I know you probably have a thousand questions…" I'm broke from my thoughts by the sweet sound of Ashley's voice. "And I want to answer them… at least I think I do. I jus..." I cut her off.

"Ashley, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I mean, don't get me wrong I do have questions because I really, really like you and I want to get to know you. But I also understand if there are things you don't want to talk about right now." I say trying to let her know that I'm not going anywhere. "So we can take this slow, day by day ok?" A smile dances it way across her face.

"Ok." She says getting on her knees and moving so were she's right in front of me. I get up on my knees too and she puts her arms around my neck. "You're great. Do you know that?" She doesn't give me time to reply before she crashes her lips into mine. It only last for a minute before she pulls back and embrace me in a hug laying her head on my shoulder. "And I really, really like you to."

"That's good to know." I say as I pull out of the hug. "I need to go home."

"What? Why?" She says getting out of bed with me.

"I can't stay gone for too long or my Grandma will call my PO and tell him I ran away. And you know what will happen if she does that." I say walking up to her giving her a peck on the lips. I try to turn around to go to the bathroom, but she puts her arms around my waist to hold me in place.

"I don't want you to go back over there. Why don't you tell your PO about your dad, show him your back?" I look in her eyes for a moment then look away. I don't want to go through all the stuff that comes with telling people your dads an abusive bastard. She brings a hand to my chin and turns my face to look at her.

"I can't."

"Why not? I'll go with you." I now she's really want me to do this because I never seen her leave this house without her parents and that was usually too go out of town, but I can't do what she asks. I remove her hands from around my waist and sit on the end of the bed. "Spence?" She sits down beside me.

"If I tell my PO, he'll want to investigate and move me to a foster home or something. That's just a lot to go through when I can just go home and avoid him. Look… I... schools starting back up in like two weeks that will keep me out of the house most if the time." I say as I put on my shoes.

"You shouldn't have to go through al…" I cut her off.

"I shouldn't but I am! I'm not leaving my home for him. I don't need anymore drama!" I say in kind of a harsh tone from the frustration of the situation. My eyes are cast to the ground, but I can feel her staring at me. After a minute of silence, she gets up and walks to her drew and grabs some cloths and walks to her bedroom door and opens it, all without saying a word to me. "Ashley… I" This time she cuts me off.

"I left you some cloths and a tooth brush on the dresser. I'm going to use the bathroom down the hall." She says before walking out and closing the door behind her.

Ashley's POV

I know Spencer didn't mean to sound so harsh, but I get mad just thinking about her going home and her dad hurting her again when she can do something about it. So I just left and let her use my bathroom while I use the one down the hall from my room.

I'm on my way back up the stairs, after I took a shower I went down stairs to help my mom make breakfast, and so Spencer could have some time to herself. When I get to my bedroom door, I take a deep breath before opening it. As soon as I step in, her lips are on mine. After a minute she pulls back.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you. Please don't be mad at me. I know that you're worried that I'll go home and get hurt an…" I cut her off.

"Yeah I am." I say looking right in her eyes.

"I know. And I can't promise I want but I will promise to at least talk to my PO about it." She must have thought about what I said while I was gone. I give her a little smile and she gives me a peck on the lips.

"Ok, now promise me one more thing?"

"What might that be?"

"That if anything happens or you just feel uncomfortable or anything, you'll come talk to me and maybe stay the night." She kisses me again but it's short.

"I Promise."

"Good." I walk over and sit on the end of my bed and she does the same. "There's one more thing." I say looking down at my hands that are resting in my lap.

"Yeah, and whatever might that be?" She says grabbing one of my hands. I look up at her and our eyes lock.

"Don't tell anyone that I'm talking. Not even your friends please." She's about to say something but I continue before she can. "I know your friends probably won't care but… just don't tell anyone, ok?"

"If you don't want me to I won't." I give her a kiss on the cheek and stand up offering her my hand.

"Great, know lets go get some breakfast before you leave." Spencer takes my hand and we head down to breakfast.

At breakfast I go back to being the listener and for the first time it feels weird. I guess it's because I've spoken so much today and no one knows except the only person who ever cared to be the listener sometimes not just the talker knows. It's like me and Spencer have our own little secret and I like that. But what happens when the secret gets boring and she wants another. Will I be willing to share?

**%$^&*^^* **

Spencer's POV

"So you're going to be home schooled?" I ask Ashley trying to get more comfortable on her bed.

For the last couple of days we've just been hangout in her room or on the back porch talking about whatever comes to mind. We still haven't got to the reason why she stopped talking, but she's told me other stuff like about her life back in Detroit. Like her and her brother Shane use to be close. In that was a shock to me because the way they yell at each other now you would think they've always hated each other. She never told me what happened to make them so bitter towards each other. I think it might have to do with why she stopped talking but I don't know. Guess I have to just wait until she tells me. I'm starting to wonder if she ever will.

Back to the topic at hand. We're sitting in her bed talking about how school starts in two days. I've told her about the school I attend and how much I wish I didn't have to.

"Yeah, but Shane will be going to the same school as you." She's says moving a little closer to me. Oh isn't that great, now I get stuck at school with the dumbass. I'm glad he's a grade behind me. It's most likely we won't have any classes together. I'm surprise he's been civil to me and hasn't told their parents about my family problems and sexuality.

"But I don't want him, I want you." I say leaning over and giving her a peck on the lips. She smiles at me and get off the bed.

"Come on lets go outside." She says walking to her bedroom door. I just sigh and get up and follower her out the room.

Ashley's POV

We've been sitting on the back porch for awhile now. Every now and then we will ask each other little questions about the other. I asked her if her dad has hit her or anything, she says he hasn't, and that was the end of that conversation but I think I'm going to bring it back up.

"So have you talked to your PO about your dad?" I ask pulling my feet up from off the end of the porch and my legs to my chest wrapping my arms around them.

"No." She replies.

"Why not? Didn't you see him the other day?" She looks at me then at her hands that are in her lap.

"Its jus… it's not easy to bring up. I know I promised to talk to him about it and I will. I just need some time to think about what I'm actually going to say."

"Yeah, okay." I say my voice making it clear that I see right through her stalling technique.

"Don't do that." She says it so low it's almost a whisper. I look up at her with confusion written all across my face. "I said I would, and I will. It's not like yo… never mind." She says standing up off the porch. I get up and stand in front of her.

"No finish your sentence." She just looks down at her hands. "Spencer…" I say stepping closer to her.

"It's getting late. I think I'm going to go home."

"Whatever." I say angry and starting to turn around and go in the house, but for some reason I turn back around. Spencer's just standing there staring at me. "Even though I'm mad at you right now, if you need to come over, you can." Yeah I might be mad at her, but I still don't want anything to happen to her.

"Whatever." She whispers running her hand through her hair. I can't believe she's acting like this.

"Why are you acting like this?" I say stepping closer to her.

"Like what Ashley?"

"Like I'm not allowed to care about what happens to you. I only told you to tell your PO about your dad because I care, and I don't want anything to happen to you."

"I know I just need some time." She says looking at anything and everything but me.

"No, you're stalling." I say stepping back. She quickly turns her face and looks at me.

"I'm stalling? Now that's funny." She says shaking her head.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"It means you keep telling me to go talk to some stranger about something so personal like it's so easy. When you want even tell me why you refuse to talk to anyone at all." I can't believe she just said that. I don't even know what to say to that.

"Good night Spencer." I say with a tear running down my left cheek.

I turn around and run into the house. I run back into silence.

Spencer's POV

So Ashley and I didn't talk the whole weekend, and it's not because I didn't try. The next day after our argument I went over her house but no one was home. She didn't sit on the porch that night or last night.

Today was the first day back to school, it was boring as usual. I'm so glad that it's over with. Now Aiden is giving me a ride back home. As we pull up to the curb in front of my house I see Ashley coming down the front steps to her house with a box in her hand. I tell Aiden thanks for the ride and jump out of the car walking over to her. When she sees me she throws the box in the back seat of the SUV and turns around to go back inside.

"Ashley…" I say grabbing her elbow to stop her. When she turns around our eyes meet but she doesn't speak. "Can we talk?" She doesn't show any type of emotion. She just looks at me. "Please?" She looks back at her house than at me. "Please?"This time I ask in a whisper. She turns around and waves for me to follower her into her house.

When we get up to her room she closes the door and locks it. She leans back against the door and stares at me. I walk up to her to where I'm so close I can feel her breath on my lips.

"I'm sorry. God I'm sorry." I take my hands and cup her face with them. "Ash baby, I'm so sorry. I was just… I don't know what I was." I say looking her right in the eyes and then a tear slides down my face. She quickly wipes it away but still remains silence. "I talked to my PO." When the words leave my mouth she looks from my cheek her hand is resting on to me and our eyes lock again. "He um… said he would look into it. I'm meeting with him again tomorrow after school." I say my voice a little lower than usual. I wait a minute for her response and all I get is a smile and nod of approval. I remove my hands from her face and take a step back. "You know… it would be really nice if you would say something." I say going to sit on the end of her bed. She stays leaning up against her bedroom door just watching me.

"I'm sorry Spencer." I look up from my lap where my eyes had been set on before she spoke. "I'm sorry that it's so hard for me to talk to you even though I want to so bad." I get up and walk back over to her.

"It doesn't have to be," I start saying. "It doesn't have to be so hard. I… I won't hurt you Ashley. I want you to know everything about me. And I want to know everything about you." When I'm finished I lean in and give her a kiss on the ear leaving my mouth beside it whispering. "I want to know Ashley Davies."

She pulls back and looks me in the eyes with silent tears running down her face. She starts to say something but before she can get one word out of her mouth, we hear footsteps coming up the stairs.

She starts to say something but before she can get one word out of her mouth, we here footsteps coming up the stairs. We quickly break apart and she wipes her eyes.

"Ashley?" Shane says knocking on the door. "I hope you're decent." He says opening up the door. His eyes land on me first then on Ashley, who's sitting on the edge of her bed now. "Come on we have to go."He says to her before glaring at me and leaving the room. I walk across the room and sit next to Ashley, after I close the door after Shane leaves.

"Where are you going?" I ask moving closer to her.

"My dad has to take care of some work in New York."

"So you and Shane are going with him? What about school?"

"No, I'm just going. I get home schooled so I can do the work on a computer."

"How long will you be gone?" I say getting worried that she might not come back for awhile.

"Don't worry. It's just two days." She says smiling at me. "I know you will miss me like crazy though."

"Yeah I will." I say returning her smile.

"I have to go." She tells me getting off the bed.

"Ok." I say following her to her door. "Does this mean we're ok?" I ask biting down on my lower lip. She turns around smiling at me then gives me a kiss.

"Yeah."

Ashley's POV

I just got back from New York and I can't wait to see Spencer. Before I left we had that argument then made up but then I had to leave. So we didn't really get to talk. I was about to tell her my secret before Shane came to get me to leave.

I'm sitting on the front porch waiting on Spencer. She should be pulling up any minute, schools been out for 30 minutes now. I look up in see Spencer getting out of Aiden's car. She doesn't notice me and keeps walking towards her house, I run off the porch and go over to her.

"Hey." I whisper when I'm behind her. She stops where she is but doesn't turn around.

"Um… I can't talk right now."

"What?" I say kind of shocked and hurt that she doesn't seem too happy that I'm back. She doesn't say anything and starts to walk up the steps to her house. I grab her elbow and stop her than walk around her so where I'm in front. She looks down and I can't see her face because she has a hat on and her hair is hanging around her face.

"Ashley now's really not a good time." I step closer and bring her head up to look at me. I gasp as I see bruises all over her face. Then after the shock leaves anger takes over.

"Where is he?" She just stares at me. "Spence, where is he?" I demand.

"There's nothing you can do. Go home and I'll come over tonight." She says giving me a kiss on the cheek. I don't look at her as I walk up her porch and knock on the door. "Ash stop, go home." She demands, I just ignore her and keep knocking until a man comes to the door. I assume he's her dad.

"Spencer I to…" I cut him off before he can finish his sentence.

"If you ever put your fucking hands on her again, you will regret it I swear." I say with a very serious voice looking him right in the eyes. "My dad is a lawyer who has friends. That will have no problem putting your ass in jail. So if I see even the tiniest scratch on her, I will make sure you're some body's punching bag in prison." He just looks at me with his mouth open. Spencer's tugging on my hand trying to get me to back up. I look at her than back at her dad. "Did I make myself clear?" I ask glaring at him.

"Whatever little girl, you better get off my porch." He says with a smile on his face.

"Yeah keep smiling. But one scratch and you're done." I say grabbing Spencer hand and starting to go home. I look back over my shoulder and he's still in the doorway. "By the way Spencer's staying the night over my house tonight!" I yell back at him and continue walking across the lawn and to my house with a quite Spencer following.

Spencer's POV

After Ashley went crazy on my dad, we went to her house. No one is home. It's just me and her. Shane went somewhere with his friends her dad's at work like usual and her mom went shopping.

Since we got here neither of us has spoken. I'm still in shock over what happened just a little while ago on my porch. I think Ashley is trying to wrap her mind around what she just did as well. Right now we're just sitting on her couch. I look over and she's staring at me. After a minute goes by with us just staring at each other she moves over on the couch to where she's sitting right next to me. I look down at my hands that are playing with the end of my shirt.

"Talk to me." She says taking my hand into hers. I don't say anything I just keep my eyes on my hands. "Spencer, talk to me. What happen?"

"I um… went to that meeting with my PO. I told him everything. I told about all the times in the past my dad hit my brother, sister and me. About the stuff he's done since he's been back." I stop to take a breath before continuing. "Yesterday he came over to the house and asked Glen and my Grandma if what I said was true. They… They told him I was troubled and making it up. Paige is out of town so he couldn't ask her about it. He said he couldn't do anything about it but wait to see if he could find some evidence of abuse. I showed him my back but he said my grandma and Glen gave him some crazy story about me and Glen getting a little carried away with playing around." Tears started to run down my face. "My dad was there the whole time my PO was. When he left I tried to leave but my dad wouldn't let me. Then last night he beat me up for telling on him." I couldn't talk anymore because it hurt just thinking about it.

"I shouldn't have gone to New York." I look at up at her and see tears running down her cheeks.

"It wasn't your fault." I say wiping her tears away, like she did mine moments ago.

"Yes it was. I'm the one who told you to tell on him. Then I went to New York, when I should have been here with you."

"No. You told me to do what I should have done a long time ago. It just didn't work out in my favor." I wipe away her remaining tears. "I'm not mad at you for going to New York. I'm just glad you're back."

"What did they say at school about your face?" She asks.

"I didn't go. I went over to Mia's and we skipped school."

"You should show your PO your face, or the cops. They have to be dumb not to believe you after they see you." She says kissing the back of my hand. Mia told me the same thing about going to show the cops my face. But all I want to do is forget about the whole situation with my dad.

"Look Ashley, I know you care and you want to make sure I'm safe. But I'm fine, okay? As long I stay out of his way and I think your threat scared the shit out of him." I say smiling a little.

"Well you might be fine but I'm not. I want you to go to the cops Spencer."She says letting go of my hands.

"Ashley…" I say sighing.

"What? I don't want there to be a next time."

"I don't want to argue with you." I tell her looking her right in the eyes.

"Then don't."

"Ashley…" I say letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Fine, but like I told your dad, if I see another bruise or if I even feel like something's wrong. I'm going to tell my dad. I won't be able to live with myself if something happens to you."

"Fine, whatever you say." I say pulling her into me and kissing her.

Ashley's POV

It's been a week since I threaten Spencer's dad. He hasn't laid a hand on her since. Her bruises have been healing well. She went back to school a couple days ago. When she's at school, I do my work on the computer, than straighten up around the house. My mom is usual here with me but these last couple of weeks she's been staying away from the house, I'm starting to get concerned. My dad went back to New York for some more business, it doesn't matter he's never home anyway. So I'm home by myself until Shane gets home from school.

It's 3pm and Shane just got home from school, meaning Spencer's out of school as well. But she usual doesn't come over until a around 6pm. I ignore my brother and walk past him and go up stairs to my room. I'm not in my room for more than ten minutes when I hear my mom yelling for me and Shane to come down stairs. I get down stairs and sit next to Shane on the couch, while our mom paces back and forth in front of us.

"Hey mom, what's going on?" Shane asks her. She stops pacing and takes a deep breath.

"Kids, I want to divorce your father." She tells us starting to cry. Of course I don't say anything I just get up and pull her into a hug. I support her on whatever she wants to do, even though she hasn't supported me in the past. My dad has never been my favorite person but I still love him. But my mom has always been around even if we're not the best of friends. So if this is what she needs…I want stand in her way.

"Um… well if that what you need to do." I look over to Shane and he has tears in his eyes. He might be an ass sometimes, but he really is a good guy. I reach out for him, and he gets up and throws his arms around us breaking out into tears. We hold each other for a while, the two of them cry. I just comfort them but no tears will come.

"Ashley, can you please talk to me." She says pulling me into a hug.

Spencer and I have been sitting on my back porch for some time now. She's been trying to get me to talk but I really don't want to after the talk with my mom about her and my dad getting a divorce.

I start to cry into her shoulder.

"Hey, baby what's wrong?" She asks pulling back so she can see my face.

"Can you stay the night?" I say pulling her back into the hug. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Just stay the night, please."

She whispers in my ear that she'll stay with me tonight and I continue to cry into her shoulder. I wasn't lying to her when I said don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know if, I'm crying for my past, present or future. I just know that this is the first time I truly let out all the tears I've been holding inside. Crying them into her shoulder because she's the only one I can be me around. The only one I trust.

Spencer's POV

I wake with Ashley in my arms and a hundred questions running through my head. Last night I held her until sleep took over. I'm really starting to worry about her. There's something bothering her that she's not telling me.

After lying awake for the past thirty minutes I try to slip out of her grip to go to the bathroom, but she tightens her hold on me. I look down at her head that's on my chest and see she's awake.

"Hey." I say giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"Hey, what time is it?" She ask sitting up against her headboard. I sit up too, while glancing at the clock on the nightstand next to me.

" 7am. Do you feel better?" I ask getting out of the bed to go to the bathroom. She doesn't answer as she gets out of the bed and walk over to the closet. I stop at the bathroom door and turn around as I speak. "Ashley…" She cut me off.

"I'm fine." She replies giving me a weak smile. I just whisper an okay and go into the bathroom. When I come out Ashley's sitting on her bed with her legs pulled up to her chest, and arms wrapped around her legs.

"Hey." I say sitting down and pulling her into me. "Are you ready to talk about what's bothering you?" I ask. She pulls away and stands up.

"No. Look can we um… maybe go to your house."

"What?" I ask shocked. We've never been anywhere together outside of her house, counting the back porch.

"I said can I come over your house." She says going into the bathroom. I follow her.

"You want to come over my house?" I ask once again, still in shock. She lets out a frustrated sigh and nods her head yes, while picking up her toothbrush. "Why?" I ask because I want to know what brought on her all of a sudden wanting to go somewhere with me.

"Spencer if you don't want me to go, than just say so." She says turning around to lean back on the counter.

"No, that s not what I'm saying, I just want to know what's going on with you." I say stepping in front of her, putting my hand on the counter on both sides of her. "I mean, last night you were crying and this morning you want to go over my house. What happened last night?" I say looking her right in the eyes. She looks away for a second then looks back at me.

"My mom's divorcing my dad. She told us last night." She tells me.

"I'm sorry." I tell her wiping the stray tear away from her face.

"Yeah…um so can we leave? I just want to spend some time with you outside of this house." She asks turning around putting the toothpaste on her toothbrush.

"Yeah, sure. I'll be in your room waiting when you're done in here." I tell her leaving the bathroom.

Ashley's POV

We've been over Spencer's all day, its like 6pm. When Spencer asked my mom if I could over her house, she looked at her like she was speaking a foreign language, but I reassured her with a simple head nod showing that I wanted to go.

Now we're sitting on her bed watching TV. Out the corner of my eye I can see her staring at me.

"What?" I ask. She looks away smiling.

"I just can't believe you're in my room."

"Yeah, I know." I say back then we sit there in silence, watching TV.

After ten minutes there's a knock on her door, then Aiden and some brunette girl comes through the door.

"Hey Spence I …" Aiden begins then he sees me. "Oh hey Ashley, I didn't know you we're here. Sorry for just barging in." His say with a shy smile. I smile back.

"It's okay Aiden." Spencer tells him putting her arms around my waist pulling me into her. Then she looks back up at the brunette. "Mia this is my girlfriend Ashley and Ashley meet my best friend Mia." She says smiling at the two of us. I send a wave and smile Mia's way.

"Nice to meet you Ashley. Spencer here talks about you all day." She says smiling. I look over to Spencer and she's blushing.

"Ok… So what were you saying when you came in Aiden." Spencer asks trying to change the subject.

"Oh right… we just wanted to know if you're still coming to Mia's party tonight? You should come to Ashley." He says taking a seat next to Mia on the couch Spencer has in her room.

" Um… I don't know we were going to kind of chill today." Spencer says looking at me, to see what I think. I just stare at her not giving an answer. I know that I don't want to go but I don't want to keep her from going.

"Well if you'll change your minds, call us. But right now we have to go shopping for the party. Come on Aiden." Mia says getting up and walking to the door. "Hope I see you soon Ashley, bye Spence." She says and Aiden says bye as well and leaves. Spencer gets back up and shuts the door.

"You can go to the party tonight. I'll be ok." I tell her. She takes her spot back on the bed next to me.

"Why don't we go together?" She asks kissing me. We kiss for a minute then I pull back.

"Spencer this is my first time out of the house, I'm not ready to go to a party."

"Ok we can stay here, or maybe go back to yo…" She starts to say but I cut her off.

"No, if you want to go to the party, go. I'll be ok." I reassure her.

"Why do you keep saying that? I know you'll be ok."

"Go to the party." I tell her ignoring her question and getting up from her bed.

"I don't want to go to the party. And where are you going?" She says walking over to me. I finish putting on my shoes before I answer her.

"Home." She looks at me confused.

"Why? I am not going to the party. I want to talk." She tells me. I know what she wants to talk about but I don't.

"I need to go home. I've been here all day. My mom's probably wondering if I'm ok."

"Ok so we can go over to your house and talk." She asks hopefully.

"Whatever." I say not really wanting to talk. Spencer grabs my chin turning my face towards her.

"What's wrong? I know your parents problems are not the only thing bothering you." She says then gives me a peck on the lips. "Talk to me."

"Maybe later." I say turning to leave but she gently grabs me arm to stop me and turn me around, seeing my silent tears run down my face.

"No. We're talking now." She says wiping the tears away.

"I…" I start to say.

"You have to stop running. I won't hurt you. You can tell me anything." She says kissing me softly. "I won't hurt you. Trust me."

And I do trust her. I think I'm ready to tell her, at least a little.

Spencer's POV

Ashley has finally calmed down, now she's just wrapped up in my arms. We've been like this for at least ten minutes.

"I'm ready." She tells me getting off the bed and going to sit on the couch. She pats the stop next to her and I sit down. "I um… when…" She stutters out.

"Hey," I say grabbing her hands. "It's ok. Take your time." She smiles at me then takes a deep breath.

"You know how my mom told you about those guys that I use to bring home," I nod my head. "Well this one boy, Rick. He had a big crush on me, but I had a girlfriend. Brooke, the girl in the picture you asked me about." When she says this, the picture pops up in my head. "Anyway, I wasn't interested in him but my dad kept insisting that I go on a date with him. He's my dad's boss's son. I couldn't … I cou…" She stops and the tears start again. I try to wipe them away but she scoots away from me. I'm not mad or hurt I know that this is hard for her.

"If you want to stop, I w…" She cuts me off.

"NO." She looks at me for the first time since she started talking. "I need to tell you. I want to tell you." I nod my head. "I just… I can't have you touching me while I do. I know that yo…" This time I cut her off.

"It's ok, I understand." I tell her. She nods her head and takes another deep breath.

"I couldn't tell them I was gay and had a girlfriend because they would flip. My mom probably would have come around but my dad… he's a big homophobe. So I said I would go out with Rick." She looks down at her lap where her shaking hands are. "I thought we'd go out and I could just come home and tell them we won't work out." She says so low it's almost a whisper. She wipes at her tears but they keep coming. "So a week later we went on a date. We went to some fancy restaurant, and the whole time I was thinking about Brooke and how pissed she was that I agreed to go on the date. Right before I left for the date, we had got into an argument because I was supposed to spend that weekend with her, but I was going to be with Rick." She stops and stands up and starts to pace around my room. After awhile she drops down to the floor and pulls her legs into her chest and hugs them.

"Ashely…" I say trying to wrap her in my arms, but she moves and stands up.

"Don't." She tells me stepping away. "Let me finish, please."

I nod my head and take my seat back on the couch.

Ashley's POV

I can't believe I even got through this much of telling her about the worst night of my life. I come this far no turning back now. Spencer just sitting there waiting on her couch for me to continue. I can see the concern in the want in her eyes. . She wants to comfort me and do whatever she can do to make it go away, just like I want for her. I take my seat back on the couh before I begin again.

"Aft…After we left the restaurant I thought he was going to take me home, he didn't. He wanted to go to a little get together at one of his friend's house, so we did." I stop to get my breathing back right, the memory making it unsteady. "We probably were at the party for about half an hour before he got a little buzz and started to get all touchy. It was late and the only people left at the party were either passed out or locked in some room having sex." I stop to look at Spencer. She looks like she knows where I'm going with this. "I told him that he should take me home, he got mad and started to yell. He asked me what was my problem, why did I keep turning him down, why won't sleep with him." My hands start to shack again but I can't stop I need to keep going. "I told him he was drunk and that I would find my own way home. He wouldn't let me leave." I say looking back over at Spencer. She has tears running down her face. I think she knows what happened next so I don't go into details. "Rick raped me, Spencer. He raped me." I say in a broken voice filled with tears.

I see Spencer get up out of the corner of my eye. She stops right in front of me. She starts to reach for me but stops. I know she's wondering if it is ok to hold me now.

"It's ok." I say grabbing her and holding onto her for dear life. "When I told my parents they didn't believe me or at least they didn't want to." I say crying into her neck. "I remember the first words out of my dad's mouth were "You're lying, Rick wouldn't do something like that". My mom just sat back and acted like it didn't happen. My dad told me he didn't believe me and I'd better not go around telling lies on his bosses son." I squeeze Spencer harder and she whisper soothing words into my hair. "He was more concerned about his job than his daughter." I say sobbing, she pulls back to look at me and wipe some of my tears away. "I stopped talk to people after that. I thought if my parents didn't believe me or stand behind me, no one would. So I closed up, Brooke broke up with me and I fell into my own little world."

Spencer has tears streaming down her face, I wipe them away. She looks down at our hands that are intertwined in her lap, than back at me.

"I believe you," She whispers. "I will always believe you." She says looking me in the eyes. I can tell she's not sure if she's saying the right things.

I thinking I'm falling in love.

"I know." I tell her trying to let her know that I know she's not sure what to say, but I can feel how much she wants to. "You're the first person I've talked to or let hold me." She smiles weakly at me through her tears, and I know that I love her.

Spencer's POV

"I need to go home." Ashley tells me between sniffles.

We've been sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor for a good 30 minutes now, holding each other. She's been crying into my shoulder, while I whisper soothing words into her ear. I want to make her pain go away but I'm not quite sure how to do that. So I hold her and tell her everything will be ok, and I won't let anything happen to her. And I won't. I think I'll die first. I think this is a part of love. I love her.

I'm bought out of my thoughts when Ashley pulls out of my embrace to see my face.

"Thank You." She says quietly looking into my eyes, while her hand caresses my cheek.

"For what?"

"For being you, for pushing me to talk, not letting me run… for listening." She doesn't let me reply before she's up on her feet pulling me along with her. "I really need to get home." Then she starts making her way to my bedroom door. I'm following behind when she turns around and hugs me again. "Um why don't you go to that party and I talk to you later on. You know my mom won't mind if you come over later." She says than kisses me on the cheek.

"Ashley I don't care about the party. I'm perfectly fine staying with you." I say confused as to why she's trying to get rid of me. I guess she read my mind.

"I know you are. And I'm not trying to ditch you or anything. I just need sometime alone." She gives me a kiss on the lips. "Today was the first time I talk about what happened since my parents, and you've been more then great but I need some time to process this. I blocked it out for so long, I jus…" She looks away from me. I put a finger under her chin and make her look at me.

"I'm sorry. I'm acting like the clingy girlfriend. You need some time alone. I get that." She smiles at me than gives me a kiss.

"Thanks for understanding and you're not the clingy girlfriend. You're the perfect girlfriend. My perfect girlfriend." She gives me another kiss. "Walk me to my door." I nod and walk her across the yard to her house. We kiss again and I promise to come over later.

Ashley's POV

Its 11pm something when someone knocks on my bedroom door, expecting Spencer I open it to see Shane standing there.

"Some girl is at the front door asking for you." Shane says then goes back to his room. Confused I walk down the stairs and to the front door to find Mia there holding up a very drunk Spencer.

"I tried to get her to stay at my house for the night but she kept saying she wanted to go over to your house. " I nod my head in understanding. Spencer finally looks up from the ground grinning.

"Ashleyyyy…" She says stumbling over into my arms. I look back over to Mia.

"Let me help you get her upstairs?" I nod my head and we take Spencer to my room. After we get her in there, Mia says bye and leaves. I look over at Spencer who's now spread out across my bed and she still has that grin on her face.

"I didn't break my promise." She says with her eyes opening and closing.

"No, no you didn't." I say sighing in getting in bed with her.

The rest of the night was spent with Spencer throwing up and me holding her hair back, then us getting back in the bed to do it all over again ten minutes later. And I don't care because she's always there to hold my hair back.

I woke up when I heard the bathroom door open. I look over to see Spencer coming back to bed.

"I didn't mean to wake you." She says getting back under the covers. I just turn back around and mumble a whatever. "Hey," She says touching my shoulder trying to get me to look at her. "Are you mad at me?" I turn around and just stare at her for awhile.

"Why'd you get drunk? You know you're not pose to you've been doing well." I finally ask.

"It was a party. Where's the fun if you don't drink a little. I wasn't planning on getting drunk it just happened." Is her reply and I sit up in bed, she does the same.

"You've been to parties since you've been on probation and you didn't drink then or at least that's what you told m…" she cuts me off before I can finish my sentence.

"I've never lied to you." She says a little loud.

"I know. I'm sorry." I look down at the blanket I've been playing with and ask the question I've been wanting to since this conversation started. "Were you trying to forget what I told you last night?" I know what I told her was a lot. I don't want to scare her off. Maybe last night while being apart, she realizes how messed up I am.

"What? No! I just got caught up in a moment." She gets up in sits in front of me. "You can't forget what happen to you, and I can't make it go away. But I will be here for you no matter what, for whatever. Last night you not only told me something so personal and something so difficult to share, but you also told me that you trust me. You trust me to never forget." She wipes the tears away that start to fall from my face. "Ashley I'll never know exactly how you feel or what you're going through. But I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel it a little less." She pulls me into a hug. We spent some more time doing what seems to be all we been doing lately, holding each other and crying.

After the tears were shed we got ready for the day and promised each other no more crying for the rest of the day, than we went down stairs to breakfast. Even though she's been strong so far I'm still waiting on her to break down and tell me she can't do this. My heart will break if that day comes. I hope it never does.

%^$&O(*&%

Spencer's POV

Today has been fun. We spent a lot of time at my house playing video games and watching movies. Mia and Jessica even came over and watched a movie with us. Of course Ashley still didn't talk when anyone was around but she did interact with everyone. I'm just glad that she's at least taking baby steps in breaking out of her shall.

When I walked Mia and Jessica down to Mia's car they both told me how much they like Ashley. They think she's sweet, I guess like me they can just tell by her movements and smile. After I saw them off, I went back up stairs to find Glen in my room talking to Ashley.

"You know you are way too hot to be dating my sister." Is what I walked in on Glen telling Ashley.

"Glen, shut up." I say smacking him on the head as I take a seat next to Ashley on my bed. He just grabs the back of his head in smiles at me.

"Well, well, well if it isn't miss too drunk to stand." He says jokingly. I send I'm a death glare telling him to shut up. I don't want to bring back up last night. Ashley hasn't said anything about it since this morning and I wasn't planning on bringing it up.

"Why are you in here anyway?" I ask him glancing at Ashley out of the corner of my eye; she looks like she's thinking about something.

"I was just coming to say hello to Miss Ashley here. We were never properly introduced, so I took it upon myself to introduce myself, seeing as you had no intention to." He says smiling at Ashley.

"I was going to." Which wasn't a lie. Glen can be a pain in the ass sometimes but he really is a good big brother.

"Yeah whatever." He says slowly backing out of my bedroom door. "It was nice meeting you Ashley, see you guy later." Then he then turns around and heads off to do who knows what. I get up and lock my bedroom door behind him than take a seat beside Ashley again.

"Your brother and friends are nice." She says smiling at me, taking my hands in to hers.

"Yeah, I know." I whisper moving closer and kissing her. What started out as a simple kiss soon becomes a make out session. When we pull apart I rest my forehead against hers. "Do you want to watch another movie?"

"I would but my mom wants to spend some time with her kids. So we're having dinner together and stuff in about an hour. In fact I should be getting home." She says giving me a peck on the lips.

"Okay." I say standing up with her. "So I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeah, I wish you could spend the night. But my mom says she doesn't want you around to see her all depressed." She says laughing a little. "I know she wasn't planning on me telling you this either."

"It's okay, I understand. We all need are time alone." I say swinging our intertwine hands between us.

"Yeah, she's probably going around screaming whenever she thinks about my dad. She did that the last time they were fighting." She says as I take a step closer pecking her on the lips.

"If that's how she releases what she's feeling then, let her scream." I say leaning in to kiss her but she pulls back. "What's wrong?" I ask her confused.

"Is drinking how you release or whatever?" She asks looking at the floor then into my eyes.

"What?" I was not at all expecting that question, I guess Glens little joke reminded her of the state I was in when I showed up at her door step last night.

"I mean, come on Spencer. I tell you about my… my you know and you go get drunk. Every one of the stories you told me about you getting drunk was after you got into it with someone or you couldn't handle something. So it would only make sense if drinking was your release." She says all this letting go of my hand and taking a seat on my couch.

"I didn't drink because of what you told me." I say running my hands through my hair.

"Then why? You said we don't lie to each other, so tell me why you got drunk." I sigh and take a seat next to her.

"When I left your house and came home to change, my grandma told me someone was on the phone for me. It was my mom." I say playing with my hands.

"What did she say?" She asks rubbing circles on my back.

"That she missed me." I say look up from my hands to Ashley. "I asked her if she missed me enough to come back. She didn't say anything so I hung up." I tell her forcing back tears. I refuse to cry for someone who doesn't want me. "So I was angry. I went to the party and had a few drinks and before I know it I'm drunk."

"Why didn't you come over to talk to me?"

"Because I didn't want to talk, and you needed your time alone." I say standing up. "You better get home before your mom goes crazy." She stands up and pulls me into a hug.

"Next time come over. We don't have talk. We can just sit there if you want. I don't like when you try to drink away your problems." She says then kisses me on the cheek.

"I will." I whisper grabbing her hand leading her to the door.

After I walk her home, I go back to my room to think. I think about how she's still willing to help out her mom even thought she didn't help her when she needed her to. And how, I can't even have a conversation with my mom without wanting to break something. I guess that's something I need to work on. Maybe Ashley can help me with that.

Ashley's POV

Last night my mom kept me up all night talking none stop about how much she hates my dad. Every time I thought she was done she would think of something new she can't stand about him. I hope I never feel that way about someone I once claimed to love.

I'm lying in my bed thinking about Spencer when she knocks on the door than pops her head in.

"Hey beautiful." She says smiling in coming to sit next to my lying form on the bed.

"Hey." I say sitting up giving her a greetings kiss. I can't say morning because it's like two in the afternoon.

"Why are you still in bed?" She asks pulling the blankets off of me.

"Because my mom kept me up all night," I tell her putting my blankets back on. "I'm tired."

"Ok then. Why aren't you sleep?"

"I'm not sleepy just tired. I just want to lay her all day today." I say pulling her in a laying down position with me. "You can keep me company." She starts to run her hand through my hair.

"I can't. I told Jessica I would go shopping with her today."She says looking from me to my hair. "I was actually coming to see if you wanted to go with me?" She says moving her hand that was in my hair to caress my cheek.

"No. I think I'm okay here." I say hoping she isn't to disappointed that I'm still not comfortable going too far from home.

"Come on Ash. It'll be fun." She says pouting.

"Spencer…" I trill off knowing she knows what I'm thinking. She just looks at me for a second before getting off the bed.

"Ok, whatever. I'll stop by later." She says making her way to my bedroom door. I get up out of bed and stop her from leaving.

"Wait. Are you mad at me?" I ask.

"No." She says quietly pulling me into her. "Sorry, I just… I don't know. I just want you to get out of this house."

"I do get out of the house. I've been going over your house for last couple of days."

"I know. I just wanted to spend some time with you in public. Which is stupid know that I think about it because you're not even out." Spencer says with her eyes looking around the room but never settling on me. Maybe she thinks that our relationship will always be this complicated and I can't promise that it want for awhile, and I think that's what she's wanting me to do. To tell her I will go out into the world with her and say hello to every smiling face I pass but I can't. I pull out of her arms.

"Maybe you should get going. Jessica's probably waiting." I tell her crawling back in my bed.

"Ashley…" She starts walking over to the bed. "I didn't mean it how it sounded. I'm sorry, let's talk."

"Have fun Spencer. I think I'm going to take a nap." I say turning away from her, wanting to end this conversation.

"Ashley…" I cut her off.

"I'm tired." I think she gets the hint after I don't say anything for a few minutes, I hear the door shut.

I close my eyes trying to forget that I basically kicked Spencer out of my room. I don't know if it's me pushing her away or her pulling away. Maybe we're both to broken to be with each other.

**TBC**

**Ok so that's all I had ready to go tonight. Please review. Thanks again everyone for the past support and hopefully the future support for this story and others that I have written. **


	12. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Glee or any of that good jazz. Umm I also didn't spend a lot of time editing this so I apologize in advance for any errors you might come across while reading this.

Spencer's POV

"Ok, what's wrong?" Jessica asks me as we take a seat at a table in the food court at the mall.

Every since I left Ashley's house, I've been feeling like shit. I know I shouldn't be pushing her to get out of that shall she's in. I don't know why I did it.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just tired." I lie.

"Did something happen with you and Ashley?" She asks seeing right through me.

"We got into an argument… I wouldn't even call it that. It's like one minute everything is perfect between us. Then the next minute… I'm praying that there still is a us." I tell her taking a sip of my drink I got when we first walked in.

"If it's worrying you that bad why didn't you stay and try to talk to her? I would have understood."

"I tired. She kicked me out." I say sitting back in my chair.

"Are you for real? Damn. What did you do to her?"

"Why do you assume it was me that did something wrong?"

"Because you're always doing something to fuck up your relationships when you think someone is getting to close." Jessica says like what she said is a fact. Maybe it is.

"That's not true. Ashley's the one pushing me away."

"Why? Is because you tried asking her about why she doesn't talk?"

"Yeah, something like that." I say then take the last sip off my drink. "I don't know… I really, really like her and I know I'm not so good with the whole relationship thing but with Ashley it's like…" I pause and try to gather my thoughts. "With Ashley it's easy. I feel like I can tell her anything, be anything and she'll accept that. She'll still want me even with all the shit that comes with me. But it's like she's waiting on me to run away… to hurt her. At least that's why I think she didn't want to talk to me earlier."

"OH. MY. GOD." I hear Jessica whisper and I look up at her. She's grinning at me like an idiot. "You're in love with Ashley. Aren't you?" I don't say anything I just smile at her, showing her it's true. I don't say the words because I want Ashley to be the first one to hear it from my mouth.

"I'm ready to go home." I say grabbing her hand and pulling her out of her seat.

"No. Your going over to Ashley's to fix things." She tells me as we walk outside to her Moms car. "Spencer Carlin is in love. That's a first." And this time she is stating a fact. I've had a few short lived girlfriends but I've never been in love with any of them. Most of those relationships were about sex. We never really did too much of anything else.

Most of those relationships were about sex, we never really did too much of anything else. Ashley and I haven't even had sex yet and I'm in love with her.

Ashley's POV

I'm sitting on the back porch waiting on Spencer to come over. I know she's at home because I saw her get out of the car with Jessica earlier. They went into her house. I've been out here since 9pm and it's 9:15 now, I'm starting to think I went too far and she's not going to show up to are late night back porch tradition. If she does I don'…

I'm brought out of my thoughts when I hear a door shut. I look over into Spencer's back yard and see her making her away over to me. I stand up preparing to apologize. She gets over the fence and I walk up to her.

"I'm sorry, I know I overreacted and th…" She cuts me off by pressing her lips to mine. Before I can kiss her back she pulls away and hands me a single white rose.

"I love you." She says kissing me again. I don't even know if I'm kissing back I'm still in shock over what she just said. When we break apart I have a single tear running down my face. We lock eyes and a lean back in and kiss her again.

"I love you too." I say against her lips. We kiss again then she leads me onto the porch. She sits down on the couch that we have off to the side on the porch. I sit beside her and cuddle up next to her, resting my head on her chest. "I'm sorry I ignored you earlier." I tell her looking up.

"It's ok. I'm sorry for acting like an ass." She says then gives me a peck on the lips. "Can I ask you something?" She asks quietly. I take my head off her chest and sit up.

"Yeah." I say looking in her eyes for a clue as to what her question can be about.

"Why did you try to push me away?" She asks taking one of my hands into hers. I sigh and look at our hands then back at her, trying to decide should I tell her everything that I was feeling. That I still am feeling a little.

"I was scared." I say deciding to get it all out.

"Of what?"

"I was,.. I am scared of the way I feel about you." I say being honest. "I've only loved one person before and she broke my heart. And wit…" I start to say when she cuts me off grabbing my other hand.

"I'm not that girl." She tells me kissing the back off my left hand.

"I know. And that's the thing, somehow I know you want hurt me and that's scares me." She opens her mouth to say something but I give her a look that tells her to let me finish. "It scares me because I trust you and I love you so much and I'm afraid that I'll hurt you," I stop take and deep breath before I continue, "I'll hurt you because I'm too broken to be everything you need me to be. What if it takes me forever to break free of what happen to me or what if I don't? What happens when you want to make love and I can't because the last time someone touched me in that way they hurt me?" I take one of my hands from hers to wipe at the tears on my cheek. "And I don't want you to start to feel like I don't want you, because words can't even describe how much I want you. I don't want you wasting your time on someone who can't give you all that you deserve." I finish saying looking down at our hands. She brings my face back up to look at her.

"First thing, you're not going to hurt me because you said yourself you love me and I trust you completely with my heart. You are everything I need," She says caressing my check with one of her hands while the she holds on tight to the other. "Second you will get past what happened to you, and I'll be there to help you no matter how long it takes. And last… when it comes time for us to have sex… we'll both be ready because you will be able to because it want be just sex, we'll be making love and every time I touch you it will be to heal you. I love you Ashley. I'm not going anywhere."

When she's finishes talking I have a new set of tears. But these are different. There happy tears. I guess two broken people can make a whole.

!%&*^(&%^#%&

Spencer's POV

It's been a month since Ashley and I confessed our love for each other. Since that day we've only become closer. She's really starting to open up. The other day she walked to the corner store with me. Mia and Jessica have been hanging out with us a lot, they really like Ashley. Speaking of them hanging out, they are at Ashley's house right now. I'm on my way up her stairs to meet them right now.

"Hey," I say as I walk into the room kissing Ashley on the cheek and taking a seat next to her.

"Hey, I just got your girlfriend here, to agree to come to Jessica's party tonight." Mia says grinning like crazy. I look over to Ashley and she has this shy smile on her face.

"You want to go to the party?" I asks and she nods her head yes.

"I'm so happy. I promise you'll have fun." Mia says to Ashley as she backs up to the bedroom doorway. "I got to go, but I'll pick you guys up later." She says turning around. I yell bye at her retreating form. I get up and close the bedroom door and lean back against it. Ashley comes and stands in front of me.

"I missed you." She says kissing me. This is the first time we've seen each other today. I've been at school and when Mia brought me home my grandma had a list of stuff for me to do before I could leave the house. So I sent Mia to keep Ashley company for until could leave. Mia has gotten pretty good at understanding Ashley silent gestures.

"Me too," I say pulling out of the kiss. "So are you really alright with going to this party, because you kn…"

"I know I don't have to. I want to." She tells me pulling me over to sit down on her bed. "I mean your friends are great and I think it will be good for me to get out. Plus I'll have you by my side, so everything should be fine, right?" She doesn't let me answer before her lips are back on mine for another make out session that will probably last into we have to break apart to get ready for the party.

Ashley's POV

We've been at the party dancing, laughing and having a good time for about three hours now. I'm surprised I'm not freaking out about how many people are here. I remember when we first walked through the door. I thought I might get sick but the moment I felt Spencer squeeze my hand that thought went away. God I'm so in love with her.

"Spencer!" Some red head girl yells making her way over to us. When she gets to us she pulls Spencer and for a hug and gives her a kiss on the cheek. I don't get mad because it's just a kiss on the cheek and she's not the first girl who has greeted Spencer with a kiss on the cheek. Plus I know Spencer's all mine. Spencer pulls out of the hug and puts her arm around my waist pulling me into her.

"Stacy this is my girlfriend Ashley. Ashley this is Stacy." Spencer introduces us.

"Hi." Stacy says giving me a look over. I smile at her even thought I don't like the way she looked at me.

"She's not a big talker." Spencer tells her. I guess she doesn't want her to think I'm a bitch because I didn't speak. "So are you enjoying the party?" She asks Stacy.

"Yeah, yeah you know Jessica knows how to through a party." She says smiling and lightly touching Spencer's arm. "I actually came over her to ask you, if yo…" Some boy grabs her and whispers something into her ear before she can ask her question. When he's done she turns back to Spencer. "I have to go. See you at school." Then she disappears into the crowd.

"I'm tired. Let's get something to drink and go to Mia's room." Spence says leading me toward the kitchen.

We've been in Mia's room for ten minutes. Spencer's drinking her beer and I'm just lying across Mia's bed.

"So how do you and Stacy know each other?" I ask taking her drink away and pulling her back on the bed with me. She hasn't really been drinking tonight and I want it to stay like that because I don't think I can handle being here without her with me. Sober.

"Um… she's one of my ex girlfriends." She tells me.

"Oh." Is the only thing I say. We haven't really talked that much about our past relationships. All I know is she's been in three committed relationships that didn't last long and had some friends with benefits before. The only relationship of mine she knows about is the one I had with Brooke.

"Yeah… but that was like two years ago and we weren't even serious." She says kissing me. "Our relationship is the first serious relationship I've been in." She cups my cheeks and kisses me. "And I love the relationship we our building." She says pecking me on the lips. "And I love you." She says kissing me again.

"I love you too." I say pulling out of the kiss.

"Do you want to go back to the party or do you want me to get Aiden to take us home." She asks getting up.

"I'm ready to go home if you are." I say grabbing the hand she was offering me.

"Yeah, I am. Let's go home beautiful." She says once again leading us away to find Aiden.

After about 20 minutes we finally find a sober Aiden, the designated driver for tonight. Ten minutes later we're climbing out of his car. He walks us to my door. Spencer tells him we'll be alright and he can leave. We hug him goodbye and watch him walk to his car and drive off. Now it's just me and Spencer holding hands on my porch.

"Sleep over tonight?" I ask pulling her towards my front door. Spencer hasn't spent the night in a couple of weeks now. I miss going to sleep and waking up with her.

"Yeah," She whispers as I open the front door. As soon as I open the door I see my mom talking to someone. When I get closer I see who she's talking to. Brooke.

If I did talk, I'd be speechless right now.

Spencer's POV

Ashley stopped dead in her tracks as soon as we stepped into her house. I looked around to see why and spotted her mom talking to someone, a dark headed girl. She got up and ran toward us and pulled Ashley into a tight hug. Now with her close enough I could see her face and quickly remembered the pictures in Ashley's room. The girl that's hugging my girlfriend is her ex, Brooke.

"You don't know how much I missed you." Brooke says finally letting go of Ashley, who is still not moving. Mrs. Davies walks over to us with two people following. She introduced them to me as Mr. and Mrs. Parker, Brooke's parents. She told them I was Spencer the girl next door and one of Ashley's closes friends. Yeah we're close alright. The whole time introductions were being given Ashley didn't let go of my hand or move. Her face was emotionless, but her eyes never left Brookes; Even when Mrs. Davies starting telling us about how the Parker family came to visit them because Brooke wanted to see how Ashley was doing.

"Aw it's almost 2am. Let's go to the hotel and we can come back tomorrow Brooke." Mr. Parker says looking at his watch. "Plus it looks like Ashley needs to rest after her night out." He says starting for the front door, wife behind him but Brooke doesn't follow.

"Why don't Brooke stay here tonight? We have more than enough room." Mrs. Davies says throwing her arm around Brooks shoulder.

"Um… that's ok Mrs. Davies. Dads right I'll give Ashley time to rest before I ask her a million questions." Brooke says looking down at me and Ashley hands that are locked together. She gives Mrs. Davies a kiss on the cheek then Ashley. Then she goes to the front door, following her parents out after saying she'll be over bright and early in the morning. Ashley still hasn't let go of my hand, but she is looking at the now closed door.

"Ashley, you and Spencer should go get some rest. I know you girls are going to want to talk in the morning." Mrs. Davies says cleaning the dining room table they were sitting at when we came in. Ashley doesn't smile or even show any interest in her mom as she drags me up stairs to her room.

"Ashley?" I say as she lets go of my hand and sits on her bed, putting her head in her hands. She's starting to scare me with how quiet she's being. Even when we're around people she at least smiles or do something to show she's paying attention and what she's feeling. She looks up at me, face still not showing any emotions.

"I'm ok." She says grabbing my hand and pulling me down beside her. "I had fun tonight." She tells me leaning in for a kiss but I pull back but not out of her arms. "What's wrong?" She asks like she doesn't know.

"I'm glad you had fun tonight but we can't just pretend like nothing just happened down stairs." I say and she lets go of me. "And you're not ok. The whole time we were down there you didn't move and…"

"So what? I was in shock. You know who Brooke is. I haven't seen her in months and we haven't spoken in over a year. So excuse me if the way I'm reacting to seeing my ex girlfriend for the first time in months is not the way you pictured it." She says standing up. I remain on the bed just watching her look through her dresser for sleeping attire I guess. "I'm fine Spencer. I just really had a great time with you tonight, and if it's ok with you I would really like to end this night with you holding me why I go to sleep. I can figure out this whole Brooke showing up out of nowhere thing in the morning." She says handing me something to sleep in, then going to the bathroom.

She comes out of the bathroom in her sleeping cloths five minutes later. She climbs into the bed with me and I pull her into my arms and that's how we fell asleep.

Ashley's POV

I can't believe Brooke is here. It's been so long since we've talked. She always leaves me emails but I never reply to them. I don't know why she's here. She knows I won't talk to her.

Right now I'm waiting on Spencer to come out of the bathroom. We haven't spoken since last night. This morning we just woke up and started to get ready for the day.

"Hey," I say when she steps out of the bathroom. She walks over to me with a big smile on her face and gives me one of the softest kisses of my life.

"Good morning." She says against my lips then kisses me again but this time putting more into it.

"Wow, someone is feeling good this morning." I say pulling out of the kiss. She kisses me on the cheek and starts putting on her shoes.

"Yeah, I do. But I really need to get home."

"No, you can't go home. I need you here with me. Brooke is going to be here in like 20 minutes." I say pouting.

"She doesn't look like she bites. You'll be fine." She gives me another kiss on the cheek. "I love you." She gives me a kiss on the lips then gets up and walks to my bed room door. I still haven't said anything. "Oh, you're not going to say I love you too baby?" She says turning around looking at me.

"You know I love you, Spencer. I just can't believe you're going to leave me." I say walk over to her.

"I promise I want stay gone long." She kisses me one more time then leaves.

Brooke's been over here for an hour now. For an hour I haven't said a word. It's just me and her. Shane ran off first thing this morning with a friend and my mom and her parents went out to breakfast. Brooke and I ate cereal before coming up stairs to my room. She's been telling how she misses me and asking me to talk to her. Now we're just sitting here, me looking at her and her looking around my room.

"Ok Ashley since your still on this not talking thing, how about this. I ask you questions and you answer by nodding your head yes or no, ok?" She says turning around and leaning on my dresser for support. I think about it for a moment and nod my head yes, for ok.

"So are you and this Spencer girl together." I wasn't surprised at the question. She's always been a forward person, never one to beat around the bush. I nod my head yes and she looks at me for a minute.

"Do you miss me?" She asks coming to sit next to me on the bed. This time I'm completely caught off guard by this question. How the hell can she just go from asking about my relationship with Spencer to asking about hers and mines? I mean, I know she was going to ask sooner or later but damn. "And before you answer I don't mean do you miss me as your best friend, but as the first girl you ever kissed kind of do you miss me?" She says putting her hand on my knee. I move my knee and turn to look at her when I do, I find out she moved closer to me because our noses touch as soon as I turn my head. I'm about to move when I hear someone whisper my name. I look over and see Spencer standing in the doorway.

Spencer's POV

I can't believe what I'm seeing, but then again I don't know exactly what it is I'm seeing. Yes they could have been about to kiss again if they even did it a first time. Or Ashley could have been about to stop whatever was about to happen. But I will never know all I know is that their lips are too close to each others for my comfort.

Ashley jumps off the bed and walks over to me, breaking me from the shock I went in seeing her with her ex. I don't say anything I just look at her and then start to turn around to leave her house. I hear her following me as I walk to the front door. She grabs my arm, turning me around before I can touch the door handle to leave.

"Spencer nothing happened. Nothing was going to happen." She says looking me right in the eyes. I don't say anything. I just walk into the living room and take a seat on the couch, Ashley follows my actions. "Can you please say something?" Ashley asks sounding like she's going to breakout into tears at any minute. I'm about to say something when Brooke comes into the room taking a seat across from us.

"Nothing happen…" Brooke starts to say but stops when we hear laughter coming from the front door. It's Ashley's mom and Brookes parents. They come into the living room and sit down after saying hello to the three of us. Mrs. Parker asks what we been up to while they were gone. "Oh nothing just talking, chatting and getting to know each other, girl stuff." She says smiling at Ashley. "I really did miss you Ash." Ashley looks over at her and back to me.

"I um… I have to be going, grandma has a list of things she needs me to help her out with." I say lying because I really need to get out of here or I'm going to beat the shit out of Brooke. "It was nice seeing you again. I hope we meet up again before you all leave." I tell Mrs. and Mr. Parker on my way to the front door. Ashley is quick to follow me when we get outside she pulls me over to the side of the porch away from windows.

"Spencer I really need you to say something, please."She says looking down at my hands that she grabbed while dragging me over to the side of the porch.

"Do you still love her?" I say and she snaps her head up to look at me as soon as the words leave my mouth.

"No... Yes. I mean n…" She starts then her mom comes to the door to tell her she needs to hurry up no offence to me though. After Ashley nods her head her mom goes back into the house and we're alone again. I try to get pass Ashley to leave but she holds tighter to my hands and steps in my way. "Look can we talk when you come over tonight?" I don't answer. "Are you even still coming over tonight?" She asks sounding hurt. I can't believe this. I find her with her ex girlfriend and then she tells me she still loves her. She can't possibly be hurt, at least as not as much as I am at this moment.

"Maybe, I don't know." I tell her the truth.

"Seriously stop." She says throwing her hands up.

"Stop what?" I ask truly confused as to what she wants me to stop doing.

"Acting like you're two years old. We need to talk, even if you don't want to."

"Whatever." I whisper pulling my hands away.

"So I'll see you tonight?" She says sighing.

"Maybe," Is the last thing I say to her before going home to think about everything that just happened.

Ashley's POV

After Spencer left I spent the rest of the day thinking about her and how I really need to see her. I also spent my time listening to Brooke and her parents talk about the different events we missed in Detroit since we've been gone. Brooke didn't try anything else. I guess because we were never alone again.

Now it's the next day and I'm sitting on my porch waiting on Spencer to pull up with one of her friends. She had school today. Last night she didn't show up. I sat outside from 9pm to 1am waiting on her, but she never showed. I know I messed up by telling her I still love Brooke bu…

I'm brought out of my thoughts when I see Mia's car pull up in front of Spencer's house. Spencer hops out the car, says something to Mia and closes the door. Mia looks up and spots me, she smiles and wave at me before pulling off. Spencer doesn't even look my way, just heads for the front door of her house. I run over to her and block her front door.

"What the hell is your problem?" I whisper.

"Right now, I would have to say you." She says really nasty. She has never talked to me like this and I have to say it hurts. "Why are you here anyway? What Brooke went home and now you need me to fill her spot until she comes back?" She says keeping the same careless tone as she speaks.

"Spencer can we please just sit down and talk?" I ask pushing back the tears that are threatening to spill if she keeps saying things like that.

"I'm busy." She says simply then looks at the car behind her. I didn't even notice it before even though I'm the one facing the street. I guess I was too busy trying to get back the girl standing in front of me. Anyway back to the car. Someone's getting out of it, it's a girl. When she turns around I see that it's Stacy. Yup that's right, Spencer ex girlfriend, Stacy. Stacy walks up the steps to the porch and over to us.

"Hey guys." She says all happy. I just look at her then back at Spencer one more time before walking off the porch and back home, tears running down my face.

It's been about three hours since the whole thing with Spencer happened. Now I'm just sitting on my bed listening to Brooke talk about how she still wish I would talk to her and how much she's going to miss me when she leaves tonight.

"Ashley I know that I live in Detroit and all, but I still want to get back together."She says coming to sit by me. "We cou…"

"No we can't. Whatever it is, we can't." I tell her getting up. I look at her and she's sitting on my bed with her mouth hanging open from the shock of me speak. "I love Spencer. Yes, she's being an ass right now. But I love her. I'm in love with her." I tell her and she just stares at me. "Brooke I will always love you but I'm not in love with you. I guess we can be friends but nothing more, just friends." I tell her trying to get my breathing right because it started to go funny between all that I just said.

"I um… friends?" She asks finding her voice. I nod my head. "Will you promise that if things between you and Spencer don't work out that you'll give me another chance?" She asks coming to stand in front of me.

"I promise." I say giving her a hug.

We spent another hour just talking as friends. I told her about how Spencer is the only one I have spoken too, besides her and about my parents' divorce. She didn't try anything else, far as trying to kiss me or anything. She left ten minutes ago with a promise from me that I'll reply to her e-mails. Now I'm sitting on my back porch hoping that Spencer comes over tonight.

Spencer's POV

"Please tell me you didn't do anything with Stacy?" Mia says coming to sit next me on my bed.

"I didn't do anything with Stacy." I tell her the truth. Mia and Jessica have been with me for the last hour, listening to me talk about my relationship with Ashley. Stacy left ten minutes after she arrived; she only stopped by to pick up some papers for a project we have to do for our English class. But I couldn't help but try to make Ashley think she was there for other reasons when she saw us together.

"Okay, that's good. Now just go talk to her." Mia says like it's that easy. Jessica sits up on the couch and looks at her watch.

"Yeah, go talk to her. Isn't this around the time you guys sit on her back porch and talk?" Jessica says trying to get more comfortable. I look over to my clock on the wall and see its 9pm.

"Yeah it is. But I don't think I want to talk to her right now." I say lying back on my bed.

"Oh come on Spence. So what her ex girlfriend is in town? She didn't freak out when she saw Stacy at the party." Jessica says getting up off the couch after she couldn't get comfortable. Sometimes it's so hard to talk to them about me and Ashley because they don't know she talks so I can't tell them some of the stuff she said like she still loves Brooke.

"I'm not freaking out! I jus…" I start but I'm cut off when Jessica grabs my hand, pulling me off the bed.

"Stop being childish and go talk to your girlfriend." Mia says throwing me my shoes.

"Yeah, it's not like you are going to stop thinking about her anytime soon if ever. Remember you're in love." Jessica say opening up my bedroom door. "Plus you have no one else to talk to. We're leaving." And just like that, they were gone.

I'm sitting next to Ashley on her back porch. It's been ten minutes and neither one of us has said a word. It took me thirty minutes just to figure out if I should come over and talk to her tonight. Half of me was afraid she wasn't going to be out here tonight or that she wouldn't wanted to talk to me after that stunt I pulled with Stacy earlier…

"Nothing happened between me and Brooke. And nothing ever will." Ashley says breaking the silence.

"Why not, you love her right?" I say refusing to look at her even though I know she's looking at me.

"I love a lot of people Spencer, but I'm only in love with one." She says and I just sit there in silence. After a minute goes by and I still haven't said anything she starts to speak again. "Brooke was my first in a lot of ways. The first girl I kissed, my first girlfriend, first person I ever had sex with and the first person I was ever in love with." She says quietly. "So yes Brooke is someone I love. But only as a friend, the same way you love Mia and Jessica. And she knows that because even though you were at home doing who knows what with Stacy, I told her that we could only be friends. I told her I'm in love with you." After she says that I finally look over at her.

"Stacy only came over to get some papers for school. Nothing happened between us. She only stayed long enough to get what she needed." I tell her.

"Did you want something to happen with her?" She asks and I look at her like she's crazy. How could she even think I would want to be with someone else?

"No! I might have been mad at you but I'd never cheat on you."I say standing up to only stand in front of her.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm jus… I love you so much Spencer." She says and we lock eyes.

"You're my first." I whisper.

"What?" She asks clearly haven't heard my whispered words.

"You're the first person I've been in love with." I say resting my hands on either side of her, our faces inches apart. "I'm sorry about those things I said on the porch early, and I'm sorry if over these last couple of days if I caused you any type of pain. I'm new to this love thing so… sometimes I make stupid decision or say stupid things. Please forgive me for not being sure of how to love you." I tell her and she moves closer so know her lips are lightly touching mine.

"You don't need to be forgiven you're doing a great job." She says against my lips before we finally kiss.

The kiss lasted to we had to break for air and when we did I sat back down beside her. She rested her head on my shoulder. For the rest of the night we just held hands and sat in silence till it was time for me to go home.

Ashley's POV

It's been two days since me and Spencer kissed and made up. I'm still falling more and more in love with her every day. Right now we're at her house getting ready for bed. She promised me that she'll stay the weekend at my house if I spend the night with her tonight. So here I am, waiting on her to come back from the bathroom. Speaking of my beautiful girlfriend she just walked into the room wearing some pajama pants and a little t-shirt.

"Hey." I say smiling at her while moving the covers back so she can climb into bed with me. She gets into bed and makes herself comfortable before giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Are you ok, Spence?" I ask this because she's been very quiet since I got back from going to get some cloths from home.

"Paige called me when you went home," I lift my head off her chest to look at her. "She's meeting my mom for dinner tomorrow and they want me to come." She finishes telling me moving her gaze from me to her bedroom ceiling.

"Are you going to go?" I ask lying my head back down on her chest.

"I don't know."

"I think you should go. I think it will be good for you. I mean you won't be free of her until you confront her and tell her everything you've been holding in, wanting to say to her." I say closing my eyes.

"Have you talked to Rich?" My eyes pop back open when she asks this question. We haven't really talked that much about my rape. Actually this is the first time she's brought it up first. And I don't think I'm ready for those questions she probably wants to asks, not just yet.

"No."I answer closing my eyes again. "So are you going to see your mom?" I ask, hoping we can just go back to talking about her mom.

"I don't know, maybe. I have to think about it some more." She says rubbing circles on my back. "I love you Ashley."

"I love you too, Spence."

That's the last thing we say before we both get quiet and sleep takes over.

%$#$%^^^&&&^%$

Spencer's POV

I've been sitting at this table with my mom and sister for about twenty minutes now and 'm beyond ready to go. My mom has been talking about her new family the last ten minutes. And it's really starting to piss me off that she can sit here and tell the children that she abandon about her new happy family. So far she told us she married the guy she left us for, Adam. Oh and get this she has a two year old son, Matt. I wonder if he even knows about us. It doesn't matter thought I probably won't talk to my mom after this little dinner.

"So… Spencer what's been going on with you? Getting good grades in school, I hope?" My mom asks breaking me from my thoughts. This is the first time she has asked me something since we've been here. Most of the conversations was either talking about Paige and her moving out of our grandma's house or her life after us. But either way this will be the first time I have spook since arriving. And unlike my sister I don't believe on playing nice.

"What's been going on with me, let's see…" I say sitting up in my chair so I can look right into her eyes. "Ok I got it… let's start with how after you left dad started to beat the shit out of us. Even broke my arm one time. Or would you rather hear about how he packed his shit and left two years after you. But…"

"Spence. Don't." Paige pleads.

"No Paige, she asked a question. I'm just trying to answer it." I tell her then look back at my silent mother. "In you know what mom?" I ask fully expecting the answer I didn't get. She just stared at me so I continued. "I was glad to see him go. The day he walked out I was so happy. His leaving meant less worrying, no more fear, fewer tears." I tell her trying my best to hold back the tears I want to release so bad. "But then I was like, damn. Both of my parents left me. So what does one do when hurt?" She just continues to stare. "You don't know? Well let me tell you my experience. I became a fuck up. I started to drink, party, skip school… whatever. Because I figured who cares, right? My parents don't." I'm shocked that so far I've managed to keep my voice calm, even though I certainly am anything but. "But then I stopped and thought about it and decided I care. I care about me. Don't get me wrong… even after deciding I didn't want to be my parents… I still got into some trouble. But even then I was better. Then pain showed back up in the form of my father. But someone who do want me stopped him with her love." I tell her thinking back to the exchange between Ashley in my dad. "Now you're trying to come back… or whatever." I say keeping eye contact. "But… I don't want you back. I don't want to get hurt again, when you feel like you can't be my mom anymore." I say finally letting a tear slid down my face as I get up and leave the small restaurant that we decided to meet at.

I really do want my mom but she's hurt me to much already. I don't think I can do that again, so why even put myself in that position. Sorry I'll pass.

Ashley's POV

"I really don't like this habit you're starting." I say taking a drunk Spencer's shoes off.

"I hate my mom." Spencer says grabbing my hands and pulling me down to lie in my bed beside her. Once we get comfortable I move a couple of strands of blonde her out of her face.

"You don't hate your mom. You love her and that scares you because that means she has the power to hurt you."

"I told her I didn't want her back in my life but I do… I want her to be my mom again." She says turning over to face me and I wrap her in my arms. She mumbles for a little while longer about wanting her mom before she falls asleep in my arms.

When I woke up Spencer was gone. She left me a message on my nightstand telling me she went home to get cleaned up. Now an hour later I'm sitting on her bed waiting on her to come up stairs. Her grandma asked her to do something for her after she let me in and sent me up stairs to wait on her.

"Hey." She says coming in her room and shutting the door behind her.

"Hi." I say breaking the welcoming kiss she gives me as she joins me on her bed. "So… do you want to talk about your dinner with your mom?" I ask giving her a peck on the lips.

"No."

"Ok, well then let's talk about last night." I say pulling her hands into mine.

"What happen last night?" She asks intertwining our hands.

"You came over my house at one in the morning drunk out of your mind."

"Sorry about that. It won't happen again." She says leaning in to kiss me.

"Which part, you coming over at one in the morning or you getting drunk part?" I ask turning my head so she gets my cheek. I really do love her and I hate when she goes out in get drunk every time she can't deal with something.

"Ashley…" She says sighing, taking her hands from mine so she can put her head in them.

"No serious Spencer. I don't like when you drink. It's not good for you." I say rubbing circles on her back. "Drinking won't solve your problems."

"And not talking to people won't solve yours." When she says that my hand that was rubbing circles on her back stops dead in its spot. "Ashley I…"

"Well it keeps me from saying stupid things like that." I say cutting her off and making a move to leave.

"Ashley stop." She says grabbing my arm, turning me around. "I'm sorry, ok? I didn't…"

"No Spencer it's not ok. I know that this thing with your mom is bothering you. And I want to be here for you, but I refuse to let you take your anger out on me. I c…"

"I'm not taking my anger out on you." She says cutting me off this time.

"Yeah, you are. It might have been one hurtful thing you said but where there's one there's more to follow. It's what you do. If you're not trying to drink to forget what you're feeling your saying things like that comment you just made to me." I say trying to get across what I'm feeling right now with my words.

"I'm sorry." She says stepping closer, I move back. She's repeating how sorry she is and moving closer to me. "I'm sorry baby." She says closing the distance between us. My back is on her door and her body is pressed into mine. "Sorry." She whispers one more time before kissing me. "Please don't go." She says pulling back from the kiss but not moving her body.

"Stop being mean to me?"

"Promise." She says smiling and kissing my lips again.

"Good because kisses and saying sorry won't work next time you decided to take out everything on Ashley." I say grabbing her hand and going to sit back down on her bed.

I really hope this thing with her mom work it's self out real soon because I don't really like confused and closed up Spencer that much.

Spencer's POV

"You know what. I'm going home." Ashley says grabbing her purse off my nightstand and heading for my bedroom door.

"Come on Ash, it's not that serious." I say walking over and blocking the door so she can't get out. We've been arguing for the about ten minutes now. She's mad because I got drunk again last night. Or maybe she's mad because I also got drunk the night before too. Either way it's something I really don't want to argue with her about. I'm old enough to make my own decisions. I don't need her telling me what to do.

"Yes, it is Spencer. You're underage. You're on fucking probation! Not to mention all the shit that can happen to you while you're so drunk you can barely walk!" She yells and I'm surprised because I would think she wouldn't want anyone to hear her, but I guess she's to pissed to take in account that my grandma and brother is downstairs. "So what you're not coming over my house after you go out and party. You're still drinking… in fact I would feel much better if you did come over afterwards because at least then I'll know you're safe." She says in her regular voice. "But I would really feel much better if you stop drinking and just talk to me. Tell me what's going on Spencer." She says grabbing my hand.

"There's nothing going on. I'm just having some fun. Why is that so hard to understand?" I say and she just stares at me for a minute before trying to move me out of the way so she can leave.

"Move. I want to go home." She says after struggling for a minute to move me, but not being successful.

"No. I'm sorry, ok." I say running my hands threw my hair. "Can we please stop arguing and just watch a movie or something?"

"I'm really tired of hearing how sorry you are. I don't want to even be the same room with you right now. So I'll have to say no to the whole move thing. So, with that said move so I can go home." She says looking me right in the eyes.

"Ash…" I start.

"Move." She says. I move away from the door and let her leave.

I don't know why I can't just sit down and talk to her about what's going on with me. I guess I'm going back to the way I use to cope with my problems before Ashley, partying and drinking.

Ashley's POV

Spencer and I haven't seen each other since yesterday morning, after I went over to check on her and we got into an argument about her drinking. This last couple of days we haven't spent that much time together. We always get into an argument, that always end with us sitting there ignoring each other or me going home.

Right now I'm making sure I put everything into my suitcase. I have to go to New York with my dad, it's an agreement me in Shane made with our parents when they separated. We spend at least a week with my dad a month and the rest with my mom. My dad's too busy to do more than a week with us actually getting his attention so we choose to stay with my mom but we can see our dad when ever and the same thing goes for him with us. Anyway I wonder if Spencer went out last night or if she's going to come and see me before I leave in a couple of hours.

It's 10am when I hear a knock on my door, I leave in an hour. I get up and open the door to see Spencer.

"Hey." She whispers after a minute of us just standing and staring at each other.

"Hi." I say turning around going to sit on my bed. Spencer follows but instead of sitting she stands in front of me. I know she's looking at me but I refuse to meet her gaze.

"I don't want you to leave with us on bad terms…" She trails off and then I feel her fingers under my chin bring my face up to look at her. "I don't want you to leave at all. I…"

"That's funny because this is the first time you acted like you wanted me around in like a week." I say removing her hands from my face. I'm really glad she came over before I left but I'm still hurt from the way she's been acting, and I'm not going to hide my feelings from her like she's doing me.

"That's not true every time we argued and you wanted to leave and go home, I begged you to stay." That's true even though most of the time I would leave anyway. "Ashl…" She's cut off when my mom knocks on the door and pops her head in to tell me we're leaving in ten minutes to go to the airport. After she leaves we just stare at each other in silence.

"When I leave you a message on the computer will you right me back?" She asks sitting next to me on the bed after two minutes has past.

"It depends, will you be drunk or sober when sending said messages." I say serious. She leans over and kisses me on the cheek. It's crazy how we can be arguing and she will just kiss me in the middle of it and then we'll go back to arguing right after. She says she can't help herself.

"I'm going to be too busy missing you to even think about a drink." She says grabbing one of my hands. "I didn't go out last night. I stayed up all night thinking about how I hurt you and how sorry I am."

I don't get to say anything back before I hear Shane yelling 'It's time to go'. I stand up still holding Spencer's hand. She stands up as well pulling me into her. We stand hugging each other before she pulls away a little to kiss me.

"I'm still mad at you." I tell her.

"I know." She says and she does know. "I want you to come with me to talk to my mom when you get back." She says putting her head on my shoulder.

"Okay." I say smiling. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby." She says laying a kiss to my neck. We kiss again before breaking apart to go down stairs. I get to my bedroom door and start to turn the knob before she stops me. "Ashley…" She starts and I turn around to face her. She removes some hair from my face, leaving her hand resting on my cheek. "You know I want you, right?" She says and I know she means in more ways than one. But I' m not ready to go there yet, she knows I'm still a little hesitant because I don't feel like I'll be able to give her what she need because of what happened to me. This is her way of saying she loves me the way I am. I give her a kiss on the lips telling her I know before opening the door to go away from my heart for a week.

TBC

Spencer's POV

While Ashley was gone we sent each other emails day and night. I only went out twice during the whole week, I didn't get drunk. Yeah I might have had a beer or two but nothing to crazy. Mia and Jessica has been watching me like a hawk, they can't stand my drinking either.

Ashley and I are snuggled up on Mia's couch. She got back earlier today and I was able to convince her to come over to Mia's house with me. I had a romantic dinner sit up for us. It's our 6 month anniversary. I couldn't do it at my house because everyone was there. You should have seen her face, she was so surprised. I had candles everywhere and a vase full of her favorite flowers, lilies, sitting on the dining table. After we eat the dinner, I had Jessica prepare for us. We went into the living room for desert which was some air heads. That made her laugh. I know it's stupid but I know there her favorite candies so why not. After eating and talking for a while I told her I had a gift for her, a gold bracelet. I had it engraved to say 'My Everything- Love Spencer'. After she read it she cried. She knew what it meant. I once told her how I was afraid to let someone in because that meant giving them my everything. Letting them see me weak and scared, knowing everything about me. And that scares me because that means they have the power to hurt me. I trust Ashley not to.

"Spencer…" I'm brought out of my thoughts by Ashley's voice.

"Hmmm… what is it baby." I say kissing her cheek. She moves from my arms and stands up offering me her hand.

"Can we go back to my house, your presents there." She says pulling me up.

"Yeah, ok. Let's just clean up this stuff and we'll go." I tell her moving to the kitchen to clean up.

When we get finished we hop into Mia's car she let me keep for tonight. She's out with Jessica at some party. When I first told Ashley I was driving us over to Mia's she was scared to get in the car with me she thought I couldn't drive, I proved her wrong. Anyway back to the matter at hand, we just walked into her house, it's quiet. This is weird, her moms always up and about cleaning or just watching some soap operas in the living room. Every now in then you can hear Shane screaming at the TV when he's home, but right now you can't hear a sound.

"Where is everyone?" I ask Ashley following her up the stairs.

"Um… my mom went out with some friends and Shane's spending the night at his friend Treys house." She replies pushing me into her room. "Go sit on the bed. I'll be right out." She says grabbing a bag off the floor and going into the bathroom.

I do as she says taking off my shoes, getting comfortable on the bed. After five minutes I hear her yell 'Close your eyes until I tell you to open them' I do as she says then I hear the bathroom door open.

"Don't open your eyes." She repeats, moving around in the room. After a couple more minutes the room goes quiet. I hear her take in a big breath before speaking. "I love you Spencer. Open your eyes."

I open my eyes to see Ashley standing in a cute lingerie piece. My mouth goes completely dry. I've never seen this much of her skin before. We've only just started a month ago filling each other up, but that's even been through our cloths.

"You are so beautiful." I whisper looking her in the eyes. We just stare at each other for a minute then she moves closer to me.

"I'm ready Spencer. Make love to me." She says leaning down and kissing me. I pull her down onto my lap without breaking the kiss. We both pull apart resting our foreheads on each others.

"Are you sure? We don…" I'm cut off by the taste of her lips on mine. As the kiss progresses, I find myself lying on my back with Ashley straddling my waist. She breaks the kiss and sits up, taking off her shirt.

"I'm giving you my everything."

Ashley's POV

I wake up in the arms of a necked Spencer. Unable to control myself, I move up to lay wet kisses all over her face.

"Mmmm… I love you." She says opening her eyes.

When she says that, memories of last night flow into my head. Last night we made love for the first time in our relationship. My first time since… you know what. Last night was amazing. Spencer was slow and gentle; the whole time she whispered how much she loved me. I loved every minute of it. I love her.

"Are you okay?" She asks me pulling me back down onto her.

"Yeah, just thinking about how amazing last night was." I say kissing her neck.

"It was, wasn't it?" She says rubbing circles on my back.

"Yeah… perfect." I say kissing her. "Can we rest for a while longer; you wore me out last night." I say pulling away from the kiss.

I lay resting my head back on her chest feeling complete in her arms. I know we have a lot of things to work through but right now all that matters is this moment. This moment we have to ourselves, this moment were its ok to forget.

TBC

Thanks you guys for reading, reviewing, subscribing and all the alerts. You guys are awesome. **Please review!**


	13. Chapter 16

**A/N: You people are wonderful. Thanks for all the reviews, subscriptions and just reading this story!**

Spencer's POV

"So… my friend Aaron is having a party tonight. I was thinking maybe we could go?" I say pulling my shirt over my head.

It's been a couple of days since our amazing night. We haven't been able to keep are hands off each other. Every time we're alone we end up necked, but I'm not complaining. That night I was so scared because I know how important it was for her. I'm just happy I could be the one to help her get passed her fears.

"You know I don't like parties and plus don't you want to just relax before tomorrow?" She asks sitting up in bed. Tomorrow my mom's suppose to come over my house so we can talk. I have decided to accept the fact that I can't stop living because I'm afraid of getting hurt because that's something that everyone feels in life. I can't expect everyone to be perfect, I'm not.

"Come on, please. We'll only stay for a couple of hours." I say pouting and kissing her neck.

"Spencer…"

"Ashley…"

"You go to the party." She says getting out of bed and slipping on an over sized t-shirt.

"What! No, come with me. I want to go and show off my sexy girlfriend." I grab her and pull her down onto my lap. We don't say anything I just hold her in my arms. I know she probably doesn't want to go to the party because of her past, but I think going to this party will help her in her efforts to break free from it. Plus she did so well at the last party, at Mia's house. "Please baby, I won't let anything happen to you."

I guess letting her know that I'm here for her did the trick because now we're dancing in the middle of a crowd living room.

"Spence, I have to pee." Ashley whispers in my ear. I break away from her and grab her hand, leading her to the bathroom. I have been to so many of Aaron's parties. Last summer I spent so much time in this house hanging out, drinking, nursing handovers.

When we get to the bathroom, Ashley lets go of my hand and goes in. I'm surprise there's no line but whatever. I stand outside of the door, sipping on my second beer of the night. I know Ashley's not too happy about me drinking tonight but I think I deserve it for the last week I spent not partying for her.

"Hey…" I'm brought back to reality by Michael, some kid that I have English with.

"What's up?" I say bringing the beer bottle back up to my lips, drinking the last of it.

"Nothing I jus… whoa sweetheart what is your name." He says looking over my shoulders. I don't need to turn around to know that his gawking at MY Ashley. I feel Ashley slip her hand into mine while I glare at Michael.

"Sorry Mike, she's spoken for." I tell him.

"Will maybe…"

"No maybe's Mike. All Mine." I cut him of shouting over my shoulder as I guide Ashley to the kitchen. "You ok?" I asks letting go of her hand so I can grab a beer. As soon as reach into the cooler her hand is covering mine pulling it out.

"I'm fine and you've had enough to drink tonight." She says pulling me into her.

"I've only had two beers in the last three hours…" I say reaching back, grabbing a beer.

"I want to go home." Ashley says letting go of me.

"Ashley… It's just one more damn beer." I say sitting the beer back down.

"Whatever Spencer, I want to go home."

"Stay. I'm not going to drink anymore." I say trying to grab her hand, she keeps pulling away. "Fine let's go." I say going back into the crowed to find Mia, she's our ride home tonight.

The whole ride home Ashley didn't look at me. Every time I tried to touch her she would move away. When we get to my house, Ashley hugs Mia and sends the guy Mia brought along with us, a wave and gets out off the car. I tell Mia thanks and follow Ashley to her porch.

"So are you going to ignore me for the rest of the night or what?" I say standing behind her as she tries to put the keys in the door. We get all the way into her room. She starts to get dressed for bed right away. Without talking to me. I walk across the room and take a seat in front of her bed, leaning my head back on it.

I'm still sitting on the floor when Ashley gets in the bed and turns off the light. Getting tired of her ignoring me I get up and go to the bedside table in turn back on the light but that still doesn't get her to open up her eyes.

"Ashley I'm sorry…" I say sitting down on the bed. "You know nothing's going to get accomplished with you not talking to me."

"Change, get in the bed and go to sleep Spencer." She says flipping over, turning her back to me.

"I'm going home." I say starting to get up, when she turns around grabbing my hand. "You want me to stay."

"You don't need to be going out this let by yourself. I don't care if it's just a walk next door." She say letting go of my hand.

"So you don't want me to stay. You j…"

"It doesn't' matter what I want because you don't listen to me." She says getting frustrated.

"Yes I do. I just don't understand why you're getting so mad about a couple of drinks." I say getting up, taking my clothes off.

"And I don't understand why you always have to go and get drunk." She says turning back over. I ignore her and finish getting changed into my night cloths before I crawl in next to her.

"I'm sorry… I'm nervous about seeing my mom after our last encounter. I'm just being stupid because that's how I deal. Doing and saying stupid things." I say quietly.

"I know. But I'm here now, you can talk to me."

"I know." I say slipping my arms around her waist.

"Do you? Because every time something happens you do the same thing, drink. Then we get into it and make up and the cycle just starts right back up with the next problem." She says turning around in my arms so we're facing each other.

"I know I'm working on it. It's just going to take some time but I'll find a different way to release." I say closing my eyes.

"I thought that was me. I was your release." I hear Ashley whisper after a minute of silence.

Ashley's POV

Right now I'm sitting on Spencer's front porch listening to her mom apologizes for all the shit she put her through. From what Spencer's told me about her mom when they we're a family untill now, it seems to me she's made a big change and really wants to be a part of her kids life.

"Ashley, can I have a minute alone with Spencer real fast?" Her mom asks me. I look over to Spencer to see what she wants me to do and she says it is okay. I get up and walk into her house and go up stairs into her room.

After about five minutes Spencer comes into the room and sits next to me on her couch. We haven't talked that much since last night. Sometimes I don't know what to do, I hate when she drinks. I don't think she's an alcoholic or anything; she only drinks when some things bothering her, other than that she won't drink more than a beer when certain occasions occur.

"Is everything ok between you and your mom?" I ask trying to break the silence that has filled the room.

"No…but we agreed to work on it."

"That's good. I'm happy for you." I say looking her in the eyes for the first time since she came up here.

"Yeah… so are we good. I mean last night with the argument and everything." She says shifting closer to me on the bed.

"Yeah, I guess." I sigh. "I just know I'm tired of arguing with you." I say leaning in and kissing her. "I just want to have a good day today." I say pulling out of the kiss.

"We will, baby." She says pulling me back in for a kiss.

It's been a week since the talk with Spencer's mom. Spencer's been going over to her house and getting to know her little brother. Tomorrow, she and Glen are going to baby sit for the weekend. Spencer is going to stay over there for that time so she's spending the night with me tonight. We actually haven't had that many sleepovers this past week, since she's been busy with her mom and all.

Right now we're in my kitchen helping my mom cook. My mom has been giving Spencer strange looks all night, but I think Spencer hasn't notices, I have and I don't like it. I know Spencer doesn't like my mom as much after I told her how my mom treated me after the rape, but she still treats her with respect.

"Ashley hand me that pan." I hand my mom the pan she's pointing to. "So Spencer since I can't get a word out of my daughter why don't we have a little chat." My mom say's looking over at Spencer.

"Sure, what do you want to talk about Mrs. Davies?" Spencer asks looking at me with questioning eyes when my mom turns back around to concentrate on what she's doing.

"I don't know. How's school?" My mom asks then they talk for the next thirty minutes about how Spencer hates school but knows how important it is. We're at the dinner table now when my mom starts talking about a boy I use to tell her I dated, when really I was with Brooke.

"Do you have a boyfriend Spencer?" My mom asks and Spencer's eyes go wide.

Spencer's POV

"She knows." Ashley says pacing back and forth across her room.

I told her mom that I was single at the moment but my last relationship didn't end well. After that her mom went on to interrogate Shane and what he has been up to. We've been so wrapped up in each other that we have neglected everyone else. We haven't discussed Ashley coming out to her parents or if she even will anytime soon. And I'm too tired to talk about it tonight.

"She does not. Please come to bed. I'm tired." I say pulling the covers back for her to crawl in.

"I um…" She looks down at her hands. "I don't think… maybe…"

"Maybe what?" I say sitting up, not liking the way she can't look at me.

"I'm going to sleep on the floor." I can't believe she's letting one little question get to her.

"Are serious?" She doesn't respond. "We were sleeping in the same bed before we got together, when we were just friends. She still thinks were just friends…"

"Does she?" Ashley asks looking at me now.

"Come to bed Ashley." I say not wanting to argue. She doesn't move from her spot across the room. "Fine, what if she knows Ashley? Will things change between us?" I ask realizing that we're going to have this conversation now rather than later.

"No! I jus…"

"That's not true." I say moving to sit on the end of the bed.

"Yes it is." She say sitting in her desk chair.

"No it's not." I say looking down at my hands then back at her. "Things are already changing." I say quietly. "You don't even know if your mom knows and you're already pulling away."

"No I'm not Spencer." She says coming to kneel in between my legs. "I'm not. I just… I don't know." She stops talking and puts her hands on both sides of my face. "I'm sorry, I'm being stupid." She gives me a quick kiss on the lips. "Let's go to bed." She says grabbing my hand and pulling me back on the bed.

I tried my best to enjoy my weekend but thoughts of Ashley keep popping in my head. Would she want to break up if her mom found out? Would she send her away? That's what I thought about all weekend, today's no better. Ashley and I are sitting on her front porch with Shane and his friend Trey. Trey keeps flirting with Ashley, making little comments about how extra good she looks today. It's pissing me off that I can't tell him to fuck off, because she's mine. Ashley's not helping either she's just blushing and nodding her head whenever he says something when her moms around.

"Um… I think I'm going to go home." I say standing to leave. Ashley's quick to get on her feet and follow me to my house. When we get into my room, she closes the door behind her.

"What's wrong?" She asks me leaning against my door.

"What's wrong? Are serious?" I ask getting even madder that she's playing dumb. "I'm one comment away from telling your brothers little friend to fuck off." I say flopping down on my bed. "Why are you entertaining his ass anyway? Your mom doesn't know we're fucking…"

"Spencer…" Ashley sighs. She hates when I talk like that.

"Whatever." I say looking up at the ceiling. We've been quiet for a while, when Ashley gets up off the couch she made herself comfortable on and sits down beside me on the bed.

"I think I'm going to go." She says quietly. I sit up and kiss her.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to leave." I say pulling out of the kiss.

"No. But I think I should." And just like that she gives me one more kiss and leaves.

Ashley's POV

These last couple of days has been weird between me and Spencer. She's always gone with her mom or with one of her friends. Like today, I haven't seen her since yesterday at around 1pm. A week ago we we're all over each other but ever since that dinner with my mom, we've hardly touched. And you would think it would be me pulling away but Spencer's doing the pulling.

It's now 10pm and I haven't talked to Spencer all day. I know I seem like the clingy girlfriend but I'm not. We just always let the other no when we won't be seeing each other. And even then will IM each other or something but we just don't go days without speaking, even when we're arguing. Maybe this is getting to be too much for her and she doesn't want me anymore. I was just a game. You know, get inside the mute girl next door head and pants while you're at it. She's accomplished both, and got something a little extra. My heart.

"Hey…" I hear coming from in front of me. I look up to see Spencer standing at the bottom of the porch.

"You're not drunk." I say as she makes her way over to sit next to me on the couch on my back porch. I thought maybe if she came over drunk, that would mean she's just scared or something. But she's not so it's something more behind her actions.

"Should I be?" She asks leaning over to kiss me, but I give her my cheek.

"Where have you been?" I ask moving over on the couch so we're not touching.

"With Paige." She says staring at me. "I'm sorry. I lost track of time."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She says trying to grab my hand. "Ashley, stop." She demands when I take my hand back.

"Do you want to break up with me?"

"No!" She says soon as the question leaves my mouth. I ignore her and keep talking.

"Are sure that you're not tired of playing girlfriend with the head case you call a neighbor." I say referring to our relationship like its nothing when it's so much more.

"Ashley, stop." She says moving closer to me, I just scoot away and keep talking.

"After all you already got some good fucks out of her…"

"Shut up!" Spencer yells then lowers her voice. "What's wrong with you?" She says taking my face between her hands. "Come here." She pulls me into a tight embrace. "Talk to me." She demands. "What's making you act like this?"

"You…" I mumble into her chest after a minute or two. I know she's about to ask what I'm talking about so I just go on to explain. "You hardly even come over anymore, and when I come over your not there or about to leave." I bring my head up to look at her. "I mean it's like you don't want to even be around me anymore."

"That's not true, I love you." She says wiping my tears off my cheeks. "Yes I've been a little distant lately but it's only because I don't want to lose you. I figured the less time I spend over here. The less we have to worry about your mom snooping around." She sighs and kisses my closed eye leads. "I'm sorry now that I say it out loud. It sounds stupid."

"Next time talk to me, ok?" I lean into her. "I love you. And I'm not going to leave you now matter what happens with my mom."

Spencer kisses me. We just sit there on my back porch holding each other. I think it's about time I talk to my mom. I think I should tell her about me and Spencer before she finds out another way. For some reason I'm not afraid. I think she knows about us on some level, and she hasn't done anything crazy yet. Maybe she'll be okay with it.

Maybe she'll be okay with it. Maybe.

Spencer's POV

Ashley and I are sitting on my bed watching Futurama. We spent the whole day together talking, laughing, and having mind blowing sex… got ta love the sex. Anyway things are good between us right now and I'm grateful for that. It's like something is always coming up and we end up arguing. But not today, today has been all smiles.

"I had fun today." I say sharing my thoughts. Ashley looks over from the TV, with a big smile across her face.

"Yeah, me too," She say leaning over and kissing me. "I love you." She says pulling away from me.

"Love you too." I say moving some hair from her face. I'm about to lean back in for another kiss, when there's a knock on my door. "Just a minute!" I yell while Ashley covers up. I get up and open the door a little and stick my head out. Jessica and Mia are at the door. "Hey guys."

"Hey… are you going to let us in or what?" Jessica says. I look back at Ashley's. She has on some boxers and a t-shirt. She catch's my eye and smiles. I open the door and let them in. They both say hello to Ashley and take a sit on my couch.

"So… that's why you haven't been answering your phone. You guys been having sex all day?" Mia says laughing. Ashley just turned five shades of red. I walk over to the bed and wrap Ashley in my arms.

"Not all day, we talked for a couple of minutes. Ashley screamed the rest…" I say laughing. Ashley blushes and punches my shoulder. I smile and give her a kiss on the cheek. "No seriously what's up. Why were you guys calling all day?" I ask getting comfortable on the bed.

"No reason. Just wanted to see what you were doing, but now that I know I wish I didn't." Jessica says and I throw a pillow at her.

"So what have you guys been doing?" I ask them. Then I look over at Ashley. It still amazes me how she can sit in a room and not say a single word. I would go crazy.

"Trying to avoid Aiden. He keeps trying to get us to hangout with his new girlfriend. Who by the way is a total bitch." Mia say and Jessica nods her head in agreement.

"We just hung out at Mia's house, when he came by we ignored him. He's our friend and all but I can't stand that girl he's with." Jessica says taking her eyes off of the TV to look at me for the first time since she got here. Futurama is one of her favorite shows.

"Yeah I know. He called me a couple of times. But as you know, I was busy." I wink at Ashley. She just shakes her head and smiles at me.

"We're going to go but we should all hang out tomorrow." I look over and see Ashley nodding her head in agreement.

"Yeah, we can hang tomorrow." I say and they both say bye and leave. I snuggle up to Ashley as we get back settled on my bed together.

"Have you ever had a girlfriend they didn't like?" She asks.

"No, because most of the girls I talked to wasn't around long enough for them to get to know. It was just a physical thing with those girls, and you don't need your friends there for that." I say being honest with her. We talk about past relationships and stuff all the time. "You're the only one that hangs out with them and they love you." She smiles when I say that.

"Have you ever hated someone one of them dated?" She asks turning around in my arms to face me.

"Oh yeah, almost every guy Jessica dated I hated. She just always picks idiots. Mia and Aiden every now and then there'd be someone they dated that I don't approve of." I say and kiss her nose. "What about you and Brooke? Did your friends like her?"

"Yeah, we were all friends before her and I hooked up. They knew she was gay and when we got together they got use to the idea of me and her." She says playing with my hair. I look at her and I can tell she's sad about something.

"What's wrong baby?" I ask concerned, she was just smiling a minute ago.

"Nothing, I just miss my friends sometimes." She says smiling sadly.

"Maybe we can go visit them when I get out on spring break in a couple of weeks." I say. "I mean if everything goes good with your mom tomorrow." Yup tomorrow she's supposed to tell her mom about us. I won't be mad if she doesn't because even just the thought of her talking to her mom is progress and I want her to take this step. I don't care what they talk about as long as they talk.

"Yeah that would be nice." She says in a whisper. "You're still going to be there when I talk to my mom, right?" I give her a kiss on the mouth.

"Yeah, I'll be there for you."

Ashley's POV

"Ashley, sweetie hand me that pack of tomatoes." My mom says.

I've been in the kitchen with her for ten minutes now. Watching her cook and trying to think of what I'm going to say. I know I'm ready, not to just come out to her but to talk to her. I miss telling her about my day, about my insecurities, my hopes, my dreams. I miss going and talking to that women who, as a kid I believed knew it all. I wonder if she knows how much I want to be able to confide in her again.

I wonder were Spencer is. She said she'd be here. I don't think I can do this if she's not here to catch me if I fall.

"Is there something on your mind Ashley?" She asks me rinsing a plate Even though she knows I don't talk, she always asks me question and talks to me. I guess she wants me to confide in her as well. At first I was going to ignore her, but then Spencer finally stepped into the kitchen and I found the voice I lose whenever other people are around.

"Yeah mom, there is." I say and the glass plate she was holding breaks when she drops it in the sink. She doesn't move, she just looks down at the broken glass. I look back at Spencer who's standing in the door way. She mouths 'love you' to me. I look back at my mom, she still hasn't moved. "Mom?" I question reaching out and placing my hand on her shoulder. She turns around and faces me.

"I haven't heard you talk in so long. Why?" She asks me.

"Silence is the most powerful scream." I tell her reciting a quote I once read about silence that I think sums up why I became a mute. "I thought if I didn't talk to you, you would get how hurt I was for the way you treated me after I was raped." I have to stop and take a breath. "Because even thought you and dad don't want to believe it… I was raped mom. And the way you reacted hurt me and there are no words powerful or strong enough that I could say or scream that can covey all that I feel." I wipe at the tears on my face. "So I let my silence speak what I couldn't say." My mom wipes some tears from my face, and leaves her hand there.

"Do you hate me?" She says with tears coming down her face.

"No mom I don't hate you. And I didn't tend on the first time we talked to be about this. I just wanted to talk to you, but I guess I had to get that out first before I… before we could move on." I tell her and she pulls me into a hug.

"God, I love you Ashley and I'm so sorry for everything." She pulls away and kisses me all over the face. "Say something sweet so I can make sure I'm not dreaming." She says pulling away to look at me. I smile and laugh at her a little.

"I have something else to tell you." I say pulling away from her and walking over to Spencer.

"Oh hello Spencer." She says I guess just noticing she was here. I grab Spencer's hand and pull her over to my mom.

"Mom, one of the reason I broke my silence was because I was tired of being trapped inside myself." I say and mom and Spencer both look at me confused, "But standing here right now I realize I was hurting and trapped inside myself long before I became quiet, because I was hiding who I was… who I am." I stop talking and wipe my eyes and intertwine my fingers with Spencer's. "Mom I'm gay and I'm in love with Spencer. I won't hide who I am any longer. I won't hide my love." I hold my breath and wait for her reaction. Spencer squeezes my hand and steps closer to me. I search my mom face to see what she's thinking. It shows no emotions.

"I know." My mom says.

"What?" I say breathing again. "You know?" I asks making sure I heard right.

"Yes, I've known for awhile." She says looking down at her hands.

"How long?" I ask needing to know.

"I knew when you were with Brooke." She say and I let go of Spencer had and start to back away from my mom.

"No… that means… please tell me you didn't know!" I yell Spencer tries to grab me but I push her away. My mom doesn't say anything. I'm pissed that she know and didn't stop my dad from setting me up on those dates with all those boys. "So if you know then you knew that I would never have sex with Rick welling. So why mom… why didn't you believe me?" I cry out. She doesn't say anything. I turn around and run up the stairs to my room. After a couple of minutes Spencer comes into the room and sits on the bed next to me. She doesn't say anything for a while, just sits there running her hands through my hair.

"Ashl…" She starts.

"I love you, but I want to be alone right now Spencer." I say turning over. She sits there for a minute longer before leaning over and kissing my cheek. She gets up and leaves the room.

I'm lying with my back turned to the door when I hear it open. I don't turn around thinking its Spencer and she just forgot something.

"Ashley can we talk." I hear my mom voice and I sit up.

"Do you plan on telling me the truth?" I ask not wanting to listen to her lie or avoid my questions.

"It's not as easy as you think Ashley. Your dad… I had no choice." She says and I remember how weak she is when it comes to him.

"No choice? No choice… it's called believing your daughter when she tells you some stupid guy forced himself on her no matter what! There is no choice, you just do!" I yell crying again.

"Your father wa…" I don't let her finish her sentence before I'm up and putting on my shoes. "Where are you going?" She asks.

"I need some air." I say then walk out the door. I walk right pass Spencer's house. I know she's probable in there worried about me but I don't feel like talking right now. So I keep on walking. Where to I don't know yet, it's light out so I'm not that scared to be walking around without Spencer. I just know right now I can't be with her. I can't be with someone who can see right through my brick walls that are suppose to protect me. I need to be able to see things the way I want. I don't need someone to point out the way they are. Not yet anyway.

**TBC**

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	14. Chapter 17

Spencer's POV

I'm in my room putting my shoes back on so I can go see Ashley. It's been an hour since she told me she needed some alone time. I think she's had enough now or maybe it's me just not being able to stay away, especially when I know she's hurting. I can't believe Ashley's mom knew she was gay this whole time and still let her feel like she had to hide it. I just don't understand, when Ashley told her about us, she looked perfectly fine with it. So why couldn't she be that way when they lived in Detroit. I got to stop thinking about it for now. I have to think about what I'm going to say to Ashley.

"Spencer!" I hear Glen yell up the stairs. I finish tying my shoes and run down the stairs. Ashley's moms standing in the door way, I walk over to her. Glen turns and goes back to doing whatever he was doing before the door bell rang. Mrs. Davies sighs and wipes some tears off her face.

"Spencer, can you tell Ashley that it's time to come home." She says. I know I'm looking at her crazy right now because I haven't seen Ashley since I left their house.

"What are you talking about? Ashley's not here." I say.

"Seriously Spencer I know she doesn't want to see me right now but she needs to come home." She says, a little frustration coming through her voice.

"She's not here."

"She left the house. You're the only person she knows. She has to be here." When she says this I start to feel sick.

"She left? When?" I ask.

"About an hour ago." I turn around and run into the living room where my grandma and Glen or sitting.

"Did Ashley come by here?" They both turn their eyes from the TV and look at me.

"No." They both say and turn their attention back to the TV. I walk back to the door and Mrs. Davies is still standing there.

"Are you sure she's not at home?" I ask her and she nods her head yes. "Shit Ashley!" I yell going to look for a phone. I pick up the phone and call Mia. She's the only person house Ashley's ever been over that she'd maybe feel safe going to.

"Hello?" Mia says picking up the phone.

"Have you seen Ashley?" I ask praying that she's there. My heart feels like it's beating out of my chest.

"Yeah, she's here." Mia says and I hear someone asks who is on the phone. She tells them it's me.

"Why the hell didn't you call me?" I ask going from worried to angry that she would just leave without telling me and that no one called to tell me she's safe.

"I was going to, but she stopped me. I don't think she wants to talk to you right now. Hold on." Mia says then I hear her hand the phone off.

"It's Jess, Spence. Look… Ashley's fine, ok? She came over here crying. But she's not anymore. We didn't call you because it obvious she didn't want you around or to be home right now. Now I don't know what's going on, but you know Mia and I are going to take care of her." Jessica says. She's always been the one to know what to say.

"Does she know I'm on the phone?" I ask sniffling. I don't know when I started crying.

"Yeah."

"Can you tell her that I love her and I'll be here when she thinks she can talk to me?" I ask taking a seat at the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah and we'll call when we bring her home." Jessica says.

"Ok, thanks." I hang up the phone and look back at the door. Ashley mom's still standing there. "She's with my friends." I tell her. I can't believe she walked all the way over to Mia's by herself. Mia's house is not far but it's not close either, and she defiantly shouldn't have gone by herself. "Why couldn't you have just come to me?" I whisper to myself.

"Spencer?" I look up when I hear my name. Mrs. Davies walks over to me and takes a seat next to me on the stair. "You're really in love with her, huh?" I look over at her and shake my head.

"Yeah." I say.

"I do love her. She's my daughter you know." She says, "I never meant to hurt her. I jus…"

"It's not me you need to talk to." I say cutting her off.

"I know, I just thought maybe you could help me."She says. I stand up and look down at her.

"No. I can't. She'll come around. Just let her come to you and when she does... just tell her the truth." I tell her and walk up to my room.

%)*(&*^&^

I'm lying in bed looking at the ceiling when Glen throws the phone at me saying someone's on it. I pick it up and say hello.

"Hey…" It's Ashley.

"Why didn't you come to me?" I ask still mad and not understanding why she didn't want to see me.

"Spencer… I need to talk to someone else for a change." Ashley says in a whisper.

"Well you could have at least told me you were leaving instead of almost giving me a fucking heart attacking because you decided to just fucking walk off." I say.

"I'm fine, Spencer. Ok. So stop freaking out." Ashley says into the phone louder.

"When are you coming home?" I ask. "Ashley?" I say when she's doesn't respond after a minute.

"Tomorrow, ok. I just need to be away from my mom for awhile." She says.

"Do you want me to come over?" I ask her hoping she says yes so I don't feel like she's completely pulling away.

"No… I'll just see you tomorrow." She tells me.

"Whatever." I say into the phone. I hear a big sigh on the other end of the phone.

"Don't." She says.

"Don't what?" I ask playing dumb.

"Look I just need some time. I'm just going to stay here for the night in clear my head." She says.

"Why can't I be there while you're clearing your head? I just want to be there for you Ashley." I tell her getting frustrated.

"I know. I get that but right now I just need for you to give me some space."

"Yeah, ok." I say in a whisper after a minute.

"Spencer…" She sighs out.

"No, I'm fine. It's ok."

"I love you. Don't ever think that I don't." Ashley says seriously.

"Yeah I know."

"Do you love me?" She asks. I don't know why she asks when she knows the answer.

"Yeah, baby." I say smiling a little through my tears.

"Say it." She demands.

"I love you."

Ashley's POV

Last night I slept over Mia's with her and Jessica. When I came over yesterday I was a mess. Everything that happened with my mom was replaying in my head over and over. I had to tell someone what happen and how I was feeling, so I told them. When I first started talking, they both went into shock. Jessica's mouth was hanging open and Mia just stared at me. After they got over it I told them about how my mom has known I was gay since I was dating Brooke but I left out the rape part. I can tell them about that at a later date. We talked about my relationship with Spencer and how much I love her. I also told them how cool I think they are and how they're good friends to Aiden and Spencer.

Now it's like ten in the morning. Mia and I are sitting in her living room watching TV. Jessica's still asleep; she's so not a morning person.

"Are you ok?" I'm brought back by Mia's voice. She's looking at me like she's trying to read me or something.

"Yeah, I'm cool." I say glancing from the TV to her and back at the TV.

"What about you and Spencer? Everything cool between you guys?" She asks and I look back at her.

"Yeah, I mean… did she say anything to you?" I ask. What if Spencer called her talking about us and maybe telling her she doesn't want to be with me anymore or something?

"No. I'm just wondering why you're not with her right now." She says picking up the bowl of cereal she made a couple of minutes ago.

"Because I love her, and I knew if I was around her yesterday while I was so messed up. I would have done or said something I didn't mean, and I wouldn't be able to go to her today." I say.

"You guys are so perfect for each other, always saying weird deep shit." Mia says and I through a couch pillow at her.

^$#^W

"Can I come in?" I ask Spencer. Jessica just dropped me off on her way home.

"Yeah." She says opening her bedroom door some more for me to walk in.

"I'm sorry, about worrying you yesterday." I tell her sitting on her bed.

"It's ok. What's done is done." She says coming to sit next to me.

"I want to hate her." I start to tell Spencer. "But I can't."

"But I can't. Why is that?" I ask her wiping at the tears that have escaped my eyes.

"Because she's your mom and you love her. And you know she loves you. She just sucks at showing how much." Spencer says pulling me into a hug.

"Fuck…why does my life have to be so complicated?" I mumble into Spencer's neck.

"It doesn't. You just have to find away to let go of the past." She kisses the top of my head. I pull away to look at her. "Don't let this trap you again Ashley." She says and I lean in, capturing her lips.

"I won't." I say into the kiss.

I promise myself that I'll talk to my mom and try my best to move forward with my life. This kind of stuff is always easier said than done. Believe me I know.

Spencer's POV

These last week has been stressful. Ashley has yet to talk to her mother. She says she's not ready to talk about that time in her life when she's just started to move away from it. She's been opening up a lot lately but at the same time pulling away. Mia, Jessica, Aiden and even Glen, knows she speaks. She's not just listening to our conversations anymore now she's voicing her opinions. But even then she'll say something then get back quiet. I've been trying to adjust to the fact that she speaks around others. It's like getting to know her all over again. You would think that it wouldn't be seeing as how we've been speaking with each other, but it's different not just seeing her but also hearing her react to other people. Either way I love her just the same.

"Glen, can you please turn the channel. This show is so stupid." I say trying to grab the TV remote from him. We've been sitting around for the last couple of hours watch TV or should I say watching whatever Glen or my Grandma wants to watch. I would have been left this house but my Grandma wasn't having any of that. She said that 'I was spending too much time with those no good friends of mine and its best if I spend the day at home'. So here I am sitting around doing absolutely nothing. I talked to Ashley earlier she said she was going to hang at home today too.

"No. I like this show. Why are you here anyway? What Ashley finally dumped you?" Glen says moving to the other end of the couch. I smirk at him making another grab for the remote.

"Don't be mad because I'm getting som…" I stop what I'm saying remembering that my grandma is in the room. I glance at her and she's eyeing me like she's daring me to finish my sentence. "Don't be mad because I got a girlfriend and you don't." I say finally able to snatch the remote from his hands.

"Oh is that what that little slut next door is." My dad says snatch the remote form my hands and sitting down in the chair next to the couch Glen and I are on. I forgot tell you my dad might not hit anymore but he's still an asshole, always saying something about me and Ashley's relationship, or just anything to try to get under my skin. For the most part I ignore him but sometime's he say things like that comment he just made about Ashley that pisses me off.

"She's not a slut you dumb fuck." I say getting up from the couch to go to my room before things get out of control.

"Spencer don't talk to you father like that." I want to say fuck my father. But even though my grandma always takes his side and gets on my nerves sometimes I still respect her enough not to say something like that in front of her. So I just keep walking ignoring my dad calling for me to come back.

)(&^&%^*&%

"What's wrong?" This is like the tenth time Ashley has asked me since I've been over her house.

"Nothing." I say lying back on her bed.

"No. It's not nothing. Something is bothering you. You've been over here for like an hour and you've barely spoken." She says coming over to the bed and straddling me. "Did something happen yesterday?"

"I'm thinking about moving in with my mom." I say finally letting what's been on my mind be said out loud. Ashley doesn't say anything she just looks down and starts playing with the end of my shirt. "Ashley?" I say after a couple of minutes of silence.

"If that's what you think you need to do, then do it." She says looking me in the eyes. I take her hands and mine while I talk.

"I don't want to be that far away from you but I can't stay in that house much longer without going crazy. My dad is fucking annoying." I tell her. I've been giving thought to moving in with my mom for a while. We've been getting along just fine. She even asked me before If wanted to move in, but I declined. But now I think it's a good idea. I'm tired of the verbal abuse I get at my house. Words hurt just as badly as the physical abuse; they sometimes even cut a little deeper.

"Ok it's settled then. You're moving in with your mom." She says bending down and kissing me on the lips. "Just promise you'll come over all the time still. You won't go away and forget about me." She says smiling against my lips.

"I promise to never forget you." I say kissing her again.

Ashley POV

"So… Ashley how are things going with you and Spencer? I know she moved in with her mom. You guys usually spend every night together. Things are probably weird now that you guys can't do that anymore." My mom says trying to make conversation. We're still not talking about my past… our past, but we are trying to talk. Right now my mom, Shane and I are sitting in the dining room having dinner.

"Good. We still see each other during the day and she's only been away for two days." I say. Spencer moved in with her mom two days ago. Two days after telling me she was thinking about it.

"Lovely." Shane says. "Can I be excused now?" He says wiping his mouth with his napkin.

"Yeah, sure sweetie." My mom says giving him a warm smile. Shane waste no time collecting his plate, dropping it off in the kitchen sink, before going to his room.

"So your relationship with Spencer… seems more serious than the one you had with Brooke." My mom says after a couple of minutes. I just look up at her. I'm so not ready to tackle this subject.

"Let's not." I say taking a sip of my water.

"Not what Ashley." My mom says playing the confused role when she knows perfectly well that I wish not to talk about that time in my life at the moment.

"Talk about the past. Talk about my life back then. Not now."

"Why not now? We have to talk about it sooner or later. You just can't ignore it."When she speaks that last sentence my eyes are quick to look up from my plate to meet hers.

"We can't ignore it? You mean like you ignored me?" I say pushing my chair away from the table. "I'm not ready to hear your lies or are what you believe is the truth as to why you choose to ignore my cries for help." I stand up. "You lived without addressing it for so long. A little while longer won't hurt." I exit the room after that.

*^&O&$%^

"She just pisses me off." I tell Spencer over the phone. I just got done telling her about what happen with my mom.

"Maybe you should just give her a chance to talk." Spencer says quietly into the phone.

"Why? All she's going to do is make up excuses for why she wasn't there when I need her. I'm not ab…"

"You don't know what she's going to say." Spencer says cutting me off. "I mean I thought I would never talk to my mom again, but look at me now. I'm living with her."

"Well it's not as simple as that." I sigh into the phone, getting a little frustrated that she won't just let me rant about it.

"In why is that?" She says. I can hear the annoyance in her voice.

"Because you haven't had your mom emotional abandon you after you've been raped! Have you?" I don't give her time to responded knowing the answer. "You've never had someone know something so important about you and know that you're scared to tell them, and have them do nothing to make it easier for you to come forth with that information! So you don't talk to me as if you know how I feel. Because you know shit! "

"Maybe we should say goodnight and I'll talk to you tomorrow." Spencer says after a minute.

"No." I whisper into the phone. "I'm sorry." I say wiping my eyes.

"Listen. I know neither me nor anyone else will know or feel what you feel. But I care about you. I love you Ashley and I only encourage you to talk to your mom about it because you need it to move on." Spencer starts. "That part of you that is angry at your family… at your mom. It's not going to go away until it's able to identify what exactly it's angry at. Right now all it knows is that you were abandoned. And that might seem like enough for you. And you might talk to your mom and still be pissed but at least after talking to her you'll be able to tell her exactly why she was wrong. And you won't be so trapped in yourself anymore."

"I'm scared of what she might say. Because I know whatever it is will hurt me." I say after letting what Spencer said sink in.

"Well it sounds to me like its hurting you more not knowing then it ever could to know."She says. We talk on the phone for a little while longer before we say I love you and I let her get some sleep.

I think tomorrow I'll be ready to face my fears. After all I can't live in the moment if I'm stuck in the past.

**TBC**

**A/N: Hey! You guys are great! I really appreciate the reviews and alerts I've been receiving for this story. I love it. Please review and I promise to update sometime this weekend.**


	15. Chapter 18

Spencer's POV

"You're different."

"What?" I ask looking over at my sister who's lying next to me on my bed. We've been silently laying here staring at my bedroom ceiling for a while now. This is the first time Paige's been over to my new home. I've missed my sister.

"You're different." She sighs. "I mean, the old Spencer wouldn't have been able to sit and be this quiet. You've stopped drinking so much and let's not forget the big thing…" she turns her head to look at me. "The thing that really shows you've changed is you're living with mom. Someone who you promised yourself you'd never talk to again." She says and looks back to the ceiling.

"I guess… I have." I say after thinking over everything that has happen recently.

"It's a good different. Ashley's good for you."

"Yeah she is." I whisper knowing why she said that about Ashley. Since I've meet Ashley I've change so much, and she wasn't even trying to change me. I guess I've learned how little my problems truly are and how to just deal with them because there's nothing else you can do. There are people in the world who are going through the same thing or something worse.

#$^&*((&%R

"I like it. It's nice." Ashley says after looking over my new bedroom. This is her first time over and I've been living with my mom for two weeks now. Every time I asks her to come over something comes up. It's either she just doesn't feel like it or she's into it with her mom again. Yup that's right. She still hasn't fully talked to her mom about everything that happened when they were living in Detroit.

"Yeah it is. You should come and visit more often." I say grabbing her hand and pulling her onto my lap.

"I will. I just have been busy." She says giving me a peck on the lips. "I know you're getting tired of always coming over my house and I'm sorry for that."

"It's fine. Let's forget about that for right now," I say kissing her this time. "Mmmm… what I really wanted to show you was this bed." I say pecking her up and laying her on my bed. Oh yeah! I'm about ta get some.

"I should go before your mom get's home." Ashley says kissing my bare chest before sitting up.

"I thought you were going to spend the night?" I ask confused while watching her slip on her jeans. When we talked earlier she said she would stay the night with me because we haven't spent any time together lately.

"We've been together all day. I've been here all day." She says looking around for her shirt. .

"So? I want to spend time with you. This whole week I've only seen you for like thirty minutes a day." I say grabbing her shirt off the floor that's on my side of the bed.

"Spencer… you know I want to spend time with you…"

"Sure you do…" I say sarcastically.

"You know I have trouble sleeping this far away from home." Ashley says leaning against my dresser.

"Whatever." I say getting tired of her excuse. I wrap a sheet around myself, get out of bed and stand in front of her. After a minute goes by of just staring at each other, I hand her shirt to her. "Go home."

"Spencer…" She says grabbing my arm, stopping me from turning around. "Don't be mad at me. I'm coming back tomorrow."

"I want you here tonight." I say pushing my body into her.

"We can't have sex with your mom here." She says pushing me away a little.

"I don't want you to stay so we can have sex." I say moving away from her. "I just miss you." I say picking up her shoes. "But it's obvious you don't feel the same." I try to hand her the shoes but she pushes them away.

"You know that's not true. I just showed you multiple times how much I missed you." She says referring to the sex we've been having pretty much all day. She did keep saying she loved me and missed me.

"Whatever." I push the shoes into her hands, still mad that she wants to leave.

"Stop being a jerk, Spencer." She says dropping her shoes. I ignore her and start getting on my own cloths, knowing my mom should be on her way home. "Someone's at your door." Ashley says after calling her mom to pick her up. This is the only thing that has been said between us in the last ten minutes. I get up to get the door and Ashley follows me down.

"Hey I forgot my jacket here yesterd…" Stacy trails off when she see's Ashley standing behind me. I close my eyes.

"It's in my closet. You can go up and get it." I tell her opening the door for her to come in.

"You didn't tell me Stacy was here yesterday." Ashley says turning me around once Stacy has disappeared up stairs.

"So was Aiden and his girlfriend but I didn't tell you that either. I had some friends over. What's the problem?" I ask leaning against the now closed front door.

"The problem is that you didn't tell me you were spending time with your ex." Ashley says. Before I can say anything Stacy comes down the stairs.

"I got it." She says holding up the jacket. I smile and open the door for her. "Nice seeing you again Ashley. I'll talk to you later Spence." She says walking out the door.

"Bye." I say and Ashley just glares at her. I shut the door and turn back to Ashley. "You were busy yesterday so I hung out with Stacy. It's not a big deal."

"Okay, so why didn't you tell me?" Ashley asks watching me closely.

"I don't know. It honestly slipped my mind." I say leaning back against the door. I did forget about hanging out with her yesterday. And I'm serious when I say nothing happened between me and Stacy.

"That's my mom." Ashley says when we hear a car horn.

"Come here." I say pulling her into me, then flipping us so she's now pressed up into the door, me pressed into her. "I'm still mad at you. And I know you're mad at me now, even though nothing happen." I say kissing her on the nose. "I would never do that to you." I say kissing her fully on the lips and she kisses me back.

"I know I trust you." She says looking me deep in the eyes. "I just don't like Stacy that much." She says laughing a little.

"Please stay." I say cupping her cheeks.

"I can't." She says kissing me. I break the kiss and back away from her. She looks confused.

"Your moms waiting." I say.

"I love you." She says kissing me on the cheek before opening the door.

"I love you too." I say back with no hesitation at all. I might be mad at her but not more than I am in love.

Ashley's POV

"Are you still mad at me?" I ask Spencer. We've been talking on the phone for twenty minutes, or shall I say I've been talking. Spencer just been breathing into the phone so I'll know she hasn't hung up.

"Are you going to stay the night tomorrow?" She asks.

"No." I say and I hear her let out a groan on the other end of the phone. "I'm sorry, I can't. I have to spend the weekend in New York with my dad. I catch my plane tomorrow at 11am. So I'll come over early."

"Why are you just now telling me you're leaving for the weekend?" She says a little angry into the phone.

"My mom just told me on the way from your house."

"Whatever."

"What's that's pose to mean." I ask with my own frustration with her attitude clear in my voice.

"It means there's always something going on with you lately. You always have to do something when were suppose to be spending time together."

"I can't help that." I say lying back on my bed with the phone pressed into my ear.

"I don't think you want to." She says and I feel like crying. Lately all she does is start arguments and I'm tired of it.

"Whatever Spencer, Goodnight." I say and she says goodnight before I hang up the phone. After a minute I get a text message say 'I Love YOU'. I send her the same thing. In case you're wondering when did I get a cell phone, I been had one. I just now started to use it when Spencer moved away. Before I didn't have anyone to talk to or text because Spencer was always here but that's changed. I really wish it wouldn't have.

%*&*&$&

"Maybe you should stop being a jerk!" I yell. I've been over Spencer's for two hours and all we have done is argue and ignore each other.

"Maybe we should take a break."

"Maybe yo…" I stop when her words sink in. "What." I ask almost in a whisper.

"I think we need sometime apart." She says sitting on her bed. "I mean, you need to work on this thing with your mom and I need to get use to my new life…" She stops and takes a deep breath. "I just think a little time apart will be good for our relationship. If we keep going the way we are we want have a relationship. And a break we're still together but we don't have to see each other as much."

"A break." I say and wipe the tears off my cheeks.

"Ashley…" She says walking over to me and pulling me into a hug. "I love you." She whispers in my ear before kissing it.

"I love you too." I say and she kisses me.

"It's just a little break." She says pulling out of the kiss. I shake my head no.

"I don't want to take a little break." I say pulling away from her.

"Ashley…" She sighs and wipes the tears from her face.

"Let just be friends." I say with my eyes shut tight.

"What?" Spencer says grabbing my hands. "Please tell me you are not breaking up with me." I open my eyes, we're both fully crying. I wish I wasn't but for right now and I think it's best.

"I am." I say. After the words leave my mouth Spencer gently pushes me to the wall behind me and pins me to it.

"Take it back." She whispers against my lips. "Ash, baby… Take it back."She says and pecks my lips.

"I can't." I say kissing her back.

"Is this because I said I needed a break. A break is different than breaking up." She says pushing into me. "I don't want you to break up with me."

"I just think it's best for right now. We can try again when we're both more stable." I say tightening my arms around her.

"I love you." She says into my mouth after a minute of silence. I repeat her words taking her lips between mine.

"Take it back." She says once again between kisses.

"No." I say giving her a final peck on the lips.

We stayed with me pinned to the wall and her pressed into me until my mom came to get me. We didn't speak, not even when I left. Now I'm on my way to the airport in tears because I just broke up with the love of my life.

**TBC**

**a/n: For those of you who also ready my story 'Making It' might think it's strange how both couples are going through this kind of breakup/space phase. The stories have nothing to do with each other. I wrote that last chapter of 'Making It' this morning. This story (Mute) has been written for years. I've just been adding or changing some stuff in it. I just thought I'd let you guys know because I think it's funny how both stories that I've uploaded today have similar things happening in them.**

**Thanks again to all of you who read, review and subscribe to this story. **


	16. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere or any of that good stuff.**

**A/N: Oh my…the reviews were amazing and scary all at the same time :) I could feel how angry some of you were about the break up. That was the scary part. But I thank you guys for sharing your feelings about the break up and the story in general. Thanks to everyone who is still reading this story, scribing to it and reviewing. Please feel free to leave me your thoughts anytime. They motivate me to update sooner and always put a smile on my face. Thanks!**

Spencer's POV

I would love to say that Ashley and I are back together. But I can't. It's been a week since we broke up or shall I say Ashley broke up with me. After a day of me trying to get in touch with her, she finally called me back. We talked for a couple of minutes before she came up with some lame ass excuse to get off the phone. We talked a couple of more times when she came back home on Monday. Our conversations basically consist of me asking to come over so we can speak, of course she said no. Anyway we haven't spoken in two days. I got drunk and called her the other day and said some stuff I didn't mean. Nothing to serious, but serious enough for her to hang up on me and refuse to talk to me.

"My head is killing me." I say waking up and lying right back down on Mia's couch.

"Well… you were really tousling them back." I look over at the sound of the voice. It's Stacy. Last night I asked her to go out with me because my friends are acting lame. They think I'm drinking too much and I need to cool off, so none of them will go out with me.

"Yeah I was." I say rubbing my forehead remembering the night before. Stacy giggles a little then comes to sit on the couch next to me.

"So… I was thinking." She starts moving closer. "Now that you're free and all…" She says moving closer to my face but I back up.

"I'm with Ashley." I say ignoring my headache and jumping up from the couch.

"You told me she dumped you." Stacy says standing up.

"Well… she did but I still love her and we're going to get back together." I tell her. "I just want to be friends Stacy." I say starting to pick up the mess we made last night in Mia's living room. I already know she's going to bitch me out about going out and getting drunk. I don't need her getting on me about the mess I made.

"Oh…" I see the disappointment on her face. "Friends. Okay… I'm just going to go." She says grabbing her purse and leaving before I can do or say anything to make the situation better.

"Good. She left." I turn around to see Mia leaning on the wall between the living room and kitchen. "I was on my way in her to kick her out and kick your ass." She says walking over and plopping down on the couch. "Did you do anything with her?" Mia asks after a couple of minutes of watching me clean up.

"Are you asking me if we had sex in your living room?" I ask throwing away the last beer can.

"Nooooo," She draws out shaking her head real slow. "I'm asking at any point and time since you've been broking up with Ashley, have you done anything with Stacy? And I mean _anything_. Kiss, grope and yeah sex." She says calmly.

"No. You know how much I love Ashley." I say sitting down next to her.

"Good. Because I like Ashley and even if you guys don't get back together you can do so much better then Stacy." She says smiling at me.

"I know." I whisper stretching out on the couch, laying my head in Mia's lap. "I don't even know why she dumped me." I say thinking about how bad I want to call Ashley right now.

"Yeah… well she's not going to take you back if you keep getting drunk." She says after a couple of minutes.

"I know." I say then close my eyes.

$%^&*(%^

"So I got drunk and crashed over Mia's." I finish telling Paige and Glen about my night. We're sitting in the waiting room at the hospital, my grandma past out this morning. She's been here for thirty minutes now. I've been here for twenty.

"If I hear about you drinking again I'm a…" Paige stops mid sentence and just stares at something behind me. I turn around to see Ashley. She has tears pouring down her face and is shaking.

"I got home…Shane said he saw an ambulance leave your house… people was yelling your name…" She says her voice breaking; she's still trying to calm herself. "God… I thought something happened to you." She says wiping her face. I take a step towards her and she just stares at me, hugging herself.

"No…I'm fine, baby." I tell her and pull her into my arms. She's starts crying into my chest. "It's okay. I'm good. It was my grandma your brother saw being put into the Ambulance." I tell her hugging her tighter and kissing her hair.

"Then why was Glen yelling your name?" And for the first time I notice that Ashley's brother and Mother is here to.

"Oh… I was just cussing her out because I couldn't get a hold of her on the phone." Glen answers Shane's question.

"What happen to your grandma?" Ashley asks pulling away from me and hugging herself again. I tell her and she just nods her head and says she hopes she's fine and nothing's wrong.

"Yeah…" I say to no one. My eyes met back up with Ashley's. "Can you stay?"

"Yeah." She says without giving it a thought and takes a seat next to Jessica. I forgot to mention, Mia gave me a ride and Aiden and Jessica met us here. Ashley's mom, brother and I take I seat in another roll of chairs and a couple of minutes later my dad walks out, after talking to a doctor.

"Well?" Glen says standing up. He's always been my grandma's favorite. I know he was real shaken when she passed out.

"She's going to be fine. They think it was just stress."He says then looks over at me. "After all, her youngest granddaughters running around like crazy" I start to talk but Paige gives me a look to shut up. "Make sure you pack the rest of your shit today and take it over your moms. My mom doesn't need your ass popping up at the house whenever you feel. Because of you she's in the hospi…"

"Don't try to blame this on me!" I yell standing up, tired of hearing him try to make this my fault. "I haven't been over in like three days. In last time I was there we barely spoke." I say in a lower voice remembering where I am.

"Well you and that girl you brought home were making a lot of noise and you came home all fucked up." He says. "I don't want you bringing none of your playmates into our house."

"Whatever." I say feeling my anger building up so I just walk away.

"Yeah, you better walk away." I hear him say when I turn around. I start to turn back around when Aiden puts his hands around my shoulder and tells me to let it be.

"Shut the hell up, dad." I hear Paige before I get to far away. Aiden and I walk to the other end of the hall and take a seat on some empty chairs. I sit down and start to think about how my life seems to be coming apart.

Ashley's POV

When Shane said an ambulance left Spencer's house and he thought she was in it, I almost had a heart attack. Even sitting here in the hospital knowing she's fine, my heart is still beating fast. I've been going crazy these last couple of days that we haven't been talking. I know she's been drinking a lot and I want to talk to her about it but I know she wants to talk about other stuff, so I just avoid her all together. And pray that her friends and family will watch over her and I know they will. But I still want to be there for her to. Like right now she just got into it with her dad, I wanted to jump up and defend her so bad, and then I heard him say something about a girl she brought home and I changed my mind.

"Go talk to her." Mia whispers in my ear, I pry my eyes away from the hall I seen Spencer walk down and look over to Mia.

"What?"

"I'm not telling you to go get back together." She says digging in her purse and handing me her car keys. "But at least talk. She'll give you a ride home." She says standing, pulling me up with her. "Talk to her." And then she pushes me in the direction Spencer went.

When I get down the hall Aiden is the first to notice me. He gives Spencer a kiss on the cheek and tells her he'll talk to her later and walks back towards everyone else in the waiting room. Spencer looks at me, giving me a shy smile that I return.

"Hey." I take the chair next to her.

"Thanks for staying."

"No problem." I say playing with the car keys. "You know… even though we're not together I still care about you…I still love you." I say locking eyes with her. "I thought I was going to die when I thought you were hurt…"

"Yeah… but I'm fine." She says cutting me off. Spencer wipes away the tears that starts coming when I think about how scared I was for her.

"Yeah but I know you've been partying and drinking…" I say thinking about her drunk dialing, in which I was the one she ended up calling. "It scares me."

"I know…" She whispers resting her forehead on mine.

"Do you?" I whisper.

"Yeah…" She says leaning in and giving me a soft kiss on the lips.

"Spencer…" I say trying to pull back, but not resisting too much.

"It's just a kiss." She says kissing me and I can't help but kiss back.

"That's enough." I say after a couple of minutes of making out with my ex-girlfriend.

"Never…" She's says pecking me one last time on the lips. I give her Mia car keys and ask her to give me a ride home. I know my mom is still here but I want to talk to Spencer before we split up again. We go back to the waiting area and I tell my mom that I'll be getting a ride with Spencer. Spencer go visits her grandma before we make our way out to Mia's car.

%^&*()(*&^

"It was Jessica." Spencer says leaning against the rail on my porch. We've been standing on my porch staring at each other for five minutes now. It's dark outside now. We spent most of the day at the hospital and making out in the car. The car ride over here was quiet and when we parked in front of my house it was like our lips wouldn't pull apart. So much for that talk I wanted to have.

"What?" I ask confused as to what she's talking about.

"The girl my dad said was over at the house with me. It was Jessica. We were playing the game with Glen. I haven't been with another girl." She tells me.

"You don't have to explain to me." I say leaning against my front door. "We're not together anymore." I whisper knowing she heard.

"Yeah… I know. I'm just not sure why not." She says moving over towards me. She leans down and presses her lips to mine. "Can I come in?" She says in between kisses. I pull back.

"I'm not going to sleep with you Spencer." I tell her wishing I wouldn't have let our first kiss at the hospital happen but at the same time wanting more of her. "We're more to each other than just fuck buddies."

"I know… I just want to sleep next to you." She says. "I know we're not together and I promise not to try anything." She says smiling at me. "We'll just sleep."

"Okay." I say knowing that maybe it's not the best Idea in the world. But I can't help but wanting to be close to her too.

"Okay…" She whispers back and I open the door and she follows me in. I keep saying we're not together, but it doesn't feel that way.

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 20

Spencer's POV

"Ashley..." I whisper, propping myself up on my elbows. Ashley's back is to me and I have my front pressed up against her. I know she's not asleep we just got in bed like five minutes ago. I'm actually surprised she let me stay the night. Maybe it's because she's still thinking about how she thought it was me who had been rushed to the hospital earlier.

"Mmm..." Is the only thing she says still not turning around to face me.

"I love you." I tell her wrapping my arms around her, pulling her into me.

"I know." She whispers, if I wasn't listening I would have missed it.

"Do you love me?" I ask holding my breath. I know she told me she did earlier but her actions say other words. It's taking too long for her to respond. "Wow. I..."

"Yes, I love you." Ashley says knowing that I thought her silence meant she no longer feels the same way about me. "I love you, you know that." She says turning around in my arms. When she's facing me I see tears in her eyes.

"Then why don't you want me anymore?" I ask wiping away one of her tears.

"I do... I just."

"What?" I whisper. Ashley removes my hand from her face and moves out of my arms.

"Can we not talk about this?" She says running her hands throw her hair. "Please let's just go to sleep."

"No. I want to know why you broke up with me." I say sitting up in bed.

"Spencer..." She puts the pillow over her eyes after I turn on the light to let her know that I'm serious We are going to have this conversation whether she likes it or not.

"Ashley." I say snatching the pillow away and throwing it across the room. She doesn't let the absence of her pillow effect her, she just stays lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "Talk to me." I plead after a minute of her silence.

"Go to sleep." She commands closing her eyes. I ignore her and climb on top of her, spreading her legs so I'm lying between them, fully on top of her

"What are you doing?" She says opening her eyes.

"Talk to me." I demand moving some hair from her face. I lean down and kiss her softly on the lips.

"I'm moving." Ashley breaks the kiss.

"What." I ask not knowing what she's talking about.

"I'm moving to Washington. My mom has a new job there." She explains with her eyes closed tightly. "So... we're moving.'

"You're moving?" I repeat and she nods her head yes. "That's why you broke up with me?" I ask knowing that's why, but needing to hear it from her.

"Yeah..." She says a little above a whisper. "Spence?" She says after a minute and I haven't said anything.

"Let's go to sleep." I say kissing her neck where I buried my head when she told me she's moving.

"Spencer..." She starts but I cut her off with my lips.

"Sleep." I say moving to lye beside her. I get comfortable before resting my head on her shoulder and kissing her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too." She says kissing my forehead.

When I wake up, Ashley words are the first thing that pops into my head. I look over and see her face is right next to mine. I stare at her for a minute before getting out of bed to look for my pants that I took off before getting in bed and my shoes. I need to get out of here. I can't believe she's leaving.

"What are you doing?" Ashley says from the bed, watching me put on my other shoe. I ignore her and pick up the pillow I throw last night and put it back on the bed. "Spencer..." She says jumping out of the bed when I open her bedroom door. "It's six in the morning." She says and I look at her clock and sees she right. "Why are you leaving so early... we haven't even talked." She says pulling me away from the door and closing it.

"We don't need to talk." I say feeling the anger rising in me.

"Yeah we do. We need to talk about last night." She says grabbing my arm when I try to turn around.

"Why? You didn't want to talk about it before!" I yell, anger getting the best of me.

"Hey... my family's still sleeping. Keep your voice down." She says in a low but demanding voice.

"Sorry, but I'm leaving." I say removing her hand from my arm.

"Wow." She says shaking her head and moving to stand in my way of leaving. "Stop acting childish and talk to me, please."

"Okay." I say walking back over to her bed and sitting down. "Okay here I go... You broke up with me without telling me why. Then you ignore me. Then you tell me you dumped me because you're moving. I'm sad, I'm angry and I'm hurt. You should have talked to me first instead of just dumping me." I say putting my head in my hands.

"We were going to end up breaking up anyway." She says quietly taking a seat beside me.

"You didn't know that... hell I'm mad right now but I still want to get back together." I say laughing a little to keep from crying. "Why didn't you talk to me before deciding to end our relationship?" I ask after a couple of minute go bye and neither one of us have said anything.

"Because I knew you would still want to be together, and so do I, but it won't work." She tells me. I turn to look at her. "I don't want to just talk to you on the phone and see you whenever we can make time for each other to get together. I want to be able to call you and tell you I need you and know you'll be there because you're not that far away... not States away. I want to be able to kiss you, hug you... touch you, whenever." She says tears pouring down her face. "We can't have that with a long distance relationship. It wound just ruin us."

"There's no way you can stay?" I ask, not looking at her. I know she's right about the long distance thing. We can't even be away from each other for a day without wanting to see each other or getting mad if the other doesn't call them while there away.

"No."

"Have you talked to your mom about this?" I say.

"Of course, I've cried, I've screamed." She stops and grabs my hand. "I've done and said everything I can to not let this happen. I love you. I'm in love with you. And breaking up with you was the hardest thing I had to do."

"Shit, shit, shit." I finally let the tears come out. Ashley's quick to grab me and pull me into her arms. I let her hold me for a few minutes before pulling away and standing up. "I have to go." I say and rush out the door before she can say anything else.

Ashley's POV

"Are you okay?"

"What?" I say looking up from the lunch I've barely touched to see Shane sitting down across from me at the dining table.

"I know you and Spencer broke up and this morning. She was muttering cuss words the whole way to the front door. And you don't look well… so I figured you guys got into an argument." He tells me everything he has observed over a period of time.

"I told her about us moving." I tell him. Shane and I have never been close but I do find it easy to talk to him sometimes. "She's pissed and ignoring me now." Shane reaches over and pats my hand that is resting on the table.

"Hey..." I look at him. "She loves you. Just give her some time." He says and I nod my head. He takes his hand back and gives me a smile before leaving me alone again. Leaving me to think about Spencer, and what she's doing.

After calling around to find out where Spencer is and getting into an argument with my mom over dropping me off over Mia's, I'm finally at the party Aiden told me Spencer said she was going to. I start to get out of the car when all my fears of people and the things they can do comes back. I haven't been to a party without Spencer. Hell I really haven't been anywhere without her. I really do need her now.

When I finally get out of the car Mia follows behind me before some guy comes and asks her to grab a beer with him and dance. She asks me if I'll be okay alone or do I want her to come with me. Feeling that I can do this on my own, I tell her I'm okay. She tells me to find Jessica when I want to leave. She's the designated driver tonight.

When I finally get inside, I start to scan the room for Spencer. After ten minutes of being unsuccessful at finding Spencer, someone bumps into me. The guy that bumped into me keeps apologizing. I tell him its okay. Looking at him now I think I remember him from I previous party I attend with Spencer.  
"Hey...Michael, right?" I say hoping I remembered the right name.

"Yeah, that's me baby." He says with a smug look. He so has the wrong idea. "What can I do for you cutie or to you." He smirks.

"Nothing." I say ignoring his suggestive comments. "Have you seen Spencer?" I ask wanting to get away from this guy as quick as possible, but not forgetting the reason I've been talking to him this long.

"Yeah she over there," He says pointing across the room. "Making the dance floor HOT." He says in a dream like state and I don't even want to know what he's thinking about. Before he can say anything else I start making my way towards the area he said Spencer was in.

When I'm finally able to see her through all the people, the scene before me makes my stomach drop. Spencer is dancing with some girl I've never seen before. They are all over each other, the girl more so then Spencer but still. It pisses me off. Spencer hands are feeling on her sides and at one point she grabbed her butt. I can't seem to find my voice or move as I watch this girl grope my girlfriend... or ex-girlfriend and her do the same to some random girl. Either way it's making me sick. The girl leans over and kisses Spencer's neck. Spencer doesn't respond the way I think she would and kiss the girl or something instead she whispers something to her and pushes her away a little. Finally after five minutes of watching them, Spencer turns her head my way and we lock eyes. She stops dancing and stares at me. I close my eyes to keep from crying. Next thing I know I feel a hand in mine and breathe on my ear.

"Ashley..." I open my eyes at the sound of her voice. I just shake my head at her and push her away.

"I can't believe you." I say turning to walk away.

"You can't believe..." she stops to calm herself so she can get the words out. She's drunk but not to drunk. She'll remember this in the morning if she stops drinking now. "Believe me." She finishes.

"Yeah you! Constantly you tell me you love me, even when we're not together. You fucking slept in my bed last night… this morning you begged me to tell you why I broke up with you. And because you can't handle the answer, you go get drunk and find some other girl to fuck with." I say and her mouth just opens and closes but she doesn't speak."You know what, I can't do this here." I say and turn away from her. I hear her calling my name but I ignore her.

"Hey cutie, where's the fire." A drunken Michael says roughly grabbing my arm. I try take my arm back but he won't let go.

"Let go." I say pushing him. I haven't gone into shock because we're still in a room full with people and I'm not afraid to scream if I have to.

"Hey calm down. I was just thinking why fuck Spencer when you can fuck me?" He asks pulling me into him. I push away from him and open my mouth to say something but get cut off.

"Get your fucking hands off my girlfriend!" Spencer yells shoving Michael away from me. Michael is quick to regain his footing and he raises his hand to slap Spencer but Aiden grabs it from behind. Aiden pulls Michael away from us and Spencer tries to grab my hand but I smack it away and start walking away to find Jessica.

%^&*^%$%^&

"Shit Spence." I wake to Mia's voice. "My mom is going to fucking kill you!"

"Can you not yell?" Spencer says calmly. I look over and see her sitting on the table next to the couch I'm laying on. "I do have a mild hangover."

The events of last night come flowing back. I left Spencer, after the whole Michael thing, it took me thirty minutes just to find Jessica and then we had to find Mia and Spencer before we could leave, which took another hour. About time we got back to Spencer she was seriously drunk. On the way to Mia's she keep trying to start an argument which she accomplished when we got into the house. We argued about me not caring about her and not trying hard enough to stay. It was all just a bunch of bull she was spitting out, but it pissed me off enough not to just ignore it like I did everything else she said in her drunken state. In the middle of the argument she bumped into one of the side tables making Mia's mom vase fall to the floor and break. Eventually she threw up and fell asleep. Now we're here staring at each other.

"Whatever just clean this shit up before you leave." Mia says going back down the hall, into her bedroom. Spencer looks Mia's way, mumbles a yeah before turning her eyes back to me.

"Hey." She says quietly and I can tell she remembers yesterday.

"I don't want to talk to you." I say cutting right down to it.

"Well you're going to." Spenser slides in next to me on the couch. I just knew she was going to push this.

"I don't want to. We don't have to." I say trying to climb over her. She moves to lie on her back and grabs on to my leg that I swung over her in my attempt to get off the couch. Now I'm sitting up straddling her waist because she won't let go of me.

"Stay." She demands holding onto my waist. I ignore her and keep trying to push her hands away but she isn't budging. "Baby..." She starts grabbing my hands. "Stop." And I stop my movements.

"Don't call me baby. I'm not your baby." I say snatching my hands back but not making a move to move from my position on her. I don't really want to.

"Yeah you are." She says resting her hands on my hips.

"What were you doing with that girl?" I ask letting the anger and jealously come back.

"Nothing."

"It didn't look like nothing."

"Believe me when I tell you. It. Was. Nothing. She was nothing." She says sitting up. "Come on." She says holding me on her lap while she scoots back to sit against the arm rest. When she gets comfortable she starts to speak again. "I know I got a little touchy last night but I was just mad about us. But I swear what you saw was as far as it was going to go with me and her. With me and anyone that's not you. Even if we're not together and it wouldn't be cheating on you if I did do something, but I wouldn't because I know it would still hurt you. I don't want to hurt you." She says looking me in the eyes and I know everything she's saying is the honest truth.

"I don't want to leave you." I say laying my head on her shoulder.

"I don't want you to." She says kissing my hair. "Ashley..." She says and I look over at her and she leans in and takes my lips between hers.

"Mmm... I love you." I say against her lips and she repeats my words.

"I love you guys but no sex in my house!" We hear Mia yell from her room.

"I need to get home." I say giggling and pulling away from the kiss.

"Okay let me go get Mia's car keys." She says and I start getting off her lap but she grabs my hips to stop my movements. "Give me a kiss." She says and I comply for the movement. I push aside all the things I know we have to talk about to the back of my head and be happy for the moment.

**TBC**


	18. Chapter 21

Spencer's POV

"She leaves next Friday." I say after I get done telling Jessica, Mia and Aiden about what's going on with Ashley. After I dropped Ashley off at her house, I stopped home and got some cloths. I went back to Mia's house and took a shower and changed. When I was done she informed me that we were going to meet Jess and Aiden at the mall. We've been here all day. We finally sat down ten minutes ago and that's when I told them the reason Ashley broke up with me.

"I don't know what to do." I say putting my head down on the table.

"Stop drinking." Mia says and I give her that 'what the fuck does that have to do with anything' look. "Just like us," she says motioning between herself, Jessica and Aiden. "Ashley doesn't like it when you try to drink away your problems…"

"Yeah, I mean if some how she does end up staying she's not going to want to be with a drunk." Jessica says finishing up Mia's point.

"Okay," I say wanting to get off the subject of my drinking habits. "But back to what I…" I don't finish my sentence before my phone starts ringing. "Hello…Uhg… but I… okay. Bye." I say into the phone then hang up. It was my mom bitching me out for not coming home for two nights in a roll. Last night I didn't even call her to tell her I wasn't coming home.

"Who was that?" Aiden asks.

"Ugh… my mom she wants me home." I tell him. Aiden nods his head and offers to take me home.

^&*I&*&

"You're grounded." My mom says as soon as I step in the door. I stop in my tracks and look over at her on the living room couch. "If you come home after curfew or don't call home and ASK to spend the night somewhere else. You will be grounded." She says turning around and motioning for me to come over.

"Curfew?" I ask flopping down next to her on the couch. I never had a curfew. My grandma didn't care what time I came home or didn't as long as I wasn't getting into trouble, and my mom just never brought it up until now.

"Yeah, it's at eleven on school days and one on weekends." She says giving me that look that says 'It's not up for discussion.'

"Okay, I got it." I say taking in this new restriction.

"Ashley's waiting for you in your room." My mom say turning off the TV.

"She is?" I ask even though she clearly just told me she was.

"Yeah, so are you two, back together?" She turns to face me.

"No… I don't know." I say putting my feet on the couch and pulling them into me. "It's like we never broke up for real. You know what I mean? I mean yeah we didn't really talk for a good week but when we saw each other again it was so easy to just kiss her and hold her, without even thinking about it. I start telling her, getting lost in my thoughts. "Yeah, she told me it was over, but she kisses me back when I kiss her and she doesn't hesitate to come into my arms when she needs comfort or just because I want to hold her." I smile a little at how unbroken up we are.

"So… why are you guys not together or at least saying you're not, when you pretty much still are?"

"She's moving to Washington next week." I say and my smile leaves my face at the thought of being away from her.

"Sorry sweetie." She says giving me a kiss on the head while getting up. "Go upstairs she's waiting on you." I nod my head and began to make my way to the stairs. "Hey Spencer," I turn around to face my mom. "Matt's asleep right now, I go to work in an hour. Remember you said you'd watch him." She say turning around to leave once I tell her I remember and promise not to get into any trouble while she's at work.

"Hey." I whisper when I open my bedroom door and see Ashley sitting in front of my bed, leaning back against it.

"Hi." She smiles at me. I take a seat beside her and lean into kiss her but she turns her face away.

"What's wrong?" I ask gently taking her face between my hands and turning her it to look at me.

"Friends don't kiss." She says trying to turn away but I keep her in place.

"We're not friends." I say my lips touching hers as I talk.

"We're not together either." She says closing her eyes.

"I want to be." I say quickly pecking her on the lips. "I want you." I peck her lips again. "I love you," I give her another peck. "No matter where you are." I say kissing her longer, she kisses back.

"Stop." She says breaking the kiss after a minute and scooting away from me.

"Stop what Ashley?" I ask grabbing her outstretch foot to stop her from moving. "What do you want me to stop, baby?" I ask once I'm right in front of her on my knees.

"Stop making this hard," She says with tears in her eyes. "I told you I don't want a long distance relationship with you. So just stop everything your doing. We are NOT together. So you don't get to just kiss me, touch me and say those things to me whenever you want." She says standing up and sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Ashley…" I say moving between her legs and resting our foreheads together. "Please just forget about everything that's happening, that's trying to keep us apart and be my girlfriend." I say kissing her again, this time she doesn't kiss back instead she pushes mw away as soon as my lips touch hers.

"I said no." She says trying to move. I grab on to her hips and keep her still.

"Why are you even here if you don't want anything to do with me?" I ask feeling the anger rising in me.

"I didn't say anything about not wanting to do with you. I just don't want to fuck you." She says successfully pushing me away and standing up.

"Oh… so I ask you to be my girlfriend again and you think I just want to fuck you." I say standing up to face her.

"NO!" She yells. "You know what I meant, I …"

"No I don't know what you meant." I say, anger clearly showing in my voice.

"Forget it… just…" She stops and takes a seat back on my bed.

"Ash…" I get cut off by a knock on my door.

"Spencer, I'm leaving make sure you check on Matt." My mom say and I nod my head. "Bye Ashley." She says and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"I'll be right back." I tell Ashley about to follow my mom out my door to check on my little brother.

"No. I think I'm a go home." Ashley gets off of my bed, walking toward me and the door.

"No." I say shutting my bedroom door and blocking it so she can't leave. "Just stay here tonight."

"Spencer… we can't even talk without it breaking out into an argument. And I didn't come here to argue with you." She says trying to get pass.

"Then tell me why you came." I say grabbing her hands and pulling her into me. "Hmm baby?" I ask staring into her eyes.

"Because I can't stay away," she says into my shoulder after a minute.

"Hey," I say getting her to look at me. "Stay."

"Okay." She says and I peck her on the lips a couple of time before leaving to check on Matt.

Ashley's POV

"He's a cutie." I say referring to Spencer's little brother, Matt. He just woke up when she left to check on him. We didn't talk anymore after I agreed to spend the night. We just played with Matt and watched some TV. It's eleven and Matt just went back to sleep, Spencer and I are getting ready for bed and her room. Once we finally finish getting dressed we lie on our sides of the bed and look up the ceiling.

"We graduate in three months." Spencer breaks the silence. "Are you coming back, when you're done?"

"Will you be waiting for me?" I ask turning to face her.

"Yeah…" She whisper turning on her side to face me too.

"What if I'm different… what if you're different?" I ask quietly.

"It's three months Ashley, how much can we change between." She says scooting closer to me.

"Look at me. I changed so much in the last couple of months. It could happen. And not to mention, what if you met someone else?" I say closing my eyes.

"I won't." She says against my lips. "I only want you." Spencer's kissing me softly.

"Mmm… yeah for now." I say kissing her back.

"No. I want you to be my wife." She says kissing my neck and I giggle.

"You're only seventeen, Spence. I'm sure once you're out of school, you'll be thinking about other things." I say helping her take off her shirt.

"Never." She says throwing her shirt to the floor. "I'm still going to want you as my wife." She says kissing my stomach. "Do you want to be my wife?" She asks cupping both my breast and each of her palms.

"Yes." I breathe out. "I want to be your everything." I say bringing her back up to kiss me.

%^&&^%^&

I wake up to a little boy jumping on me. I open my eyes and Matt is sitting on my stomach grinning.

"Hey, Matt get off your sister in law, so she can get up and make us breakfast." Spencer says coming into the room and lifting Matt off of me.

"Morning." I say smiling at their interaction. He's giggling as Spencer spends him around a few times and playfully drops him on the bed.

"Hey baby." She says leaning over and giving me a short good morning kiss.

"Yay! You guys are back together." Aiden says from the door way.

"No. We're not." Spencer says giving me a look then turning to look at her friend.

"But you guys totally had sex." Jessica pops up behind Aiden.

"No. We just slept." I say removing the cover so they see I'm fully cloth. Last night we did do some groping but there was no sex.

"No sex with the pose to be ex?" Stacy asks Spencer, appearing out of nowhere.

"Hey! My little brother is still here so can we talk about something else."

"Plus Stacy, it's none of your business." I say annoyed by her presence. Why are they all here anyway?

"Sorry… I was just wondering. Cause you know when Spencer and I broke up we still screwed all the time." She says with at smirk.

"Aiden, can you take Matt to the kitchen? And Stacy you can follow him." Spencer says handing Matt over to Aiden and shutting the door behind him and Stacy. Jessica had been walked off.

"Why is she here?" I ask Spencer while putting on my shoes.

"We're all pose to hang out today and maybe hit the Mall again. You should come." Spencer says sitting next to me.

"No thank you." I say getting up without looking at her and walking to the door.

"Hey," She grabs my hand and turns me around and pins me between her and the door. "It'll be fun." She says kissing my neck.

"Again why is Stacy going? She's not like Aiden, Jessica and I'm sure Mia's going…. Those are your best friends but Stacy is just some girl that wants to fuck you." I ask pulling her head away from my neck.

"You mean again?" She says and I raise an eyebrow and confusion. She smirks. "She wants to fuck me again. Remember she is an ex." I push her way from me.

"Well go fuck her AGAIN Spencer!" I yell at her trying to open her door but she push it shut.

"I was just playing."

"You're not funny." I tell her leaning against her door.

"You know since we've been together or even since you broke up with me, I haven't been with anyone else, right?" I nod my head. "Then don't let her little comments get you upset. She knows the only one who touches me is my wife and that's you." I smile at her words. She just insists on calling me her wife.

"Kiss me." I demand and she does just as asked.

"Can I spend the night with you?" She asks breaking the kiss.

"Yeah." I say kissing her again.

My mom picked me up twenty minute later. While waiting I tried my best not to slap the shit out of Stacy. I know Spencer is not doing anything with her, But the bitch is still annoying. Now I'm sitting at home packing and waiting for Spencer to come over. I know it's a bad idea for us to keep carrying on like I'm not leaving in a week. It's just making it harder. But like I said before, I can't stay away.

**TBC**


	19. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere or any of that good stuff. Just a person with some idea's.**

Spencer's POV

"So…I had fun." Ashley says leaning back on the front door to her house. We just got back from dinner. We spent the whole day together just hanging out at my house and then I took her to dinner.

"Yeah?" I take a step closer to her, resting my hands on either side of her face, on the door behind her.

"Yeah," She says leaning forward and kissing me. "I love your kisses."She says pecking me on the lips one more time before resting her forehead on mine.

"I can tell." I say smirking leaning in to kiss her again. "So…" I start as I pull away from the kiss and watching her lick her lips before opening her eyes. "…I guess this is goodnight."

"Yeah," Ashley says looking away as I take a step back. I can tell she wants to say something else but we agreed that today we were going to forget about everything that's going on and be happy today. So she lets it go for right now. "Love you." She says turning to look at me.

"I love you too." I say watching her go into her house.

&(&*()*

"It's three in the morning Spence." Ashley answers the phone hours after our date.

"I know… I had to talk to you." I sigh into the phone.

"Okay… what's going on?" I can hear the sleep in her voice.

"You leave in four days." I say into the phone. I can her shuffling on the other end of the phone. She's probably sitting up in bed.

"Yeah… I know."

"You can move in with Mia. Her mo…"

"Spence…" She cuts me off.

"No. Ashley, you can move in with Mia. Her mom doesn't care. She's hardly home anyway. I can get a job, save up for a couple of months and by the end of the summer we can have our own apartment." I rush out so she can't interrupt.

"Spence… I can't." She sighs into the phone.

"Why can't you? You're eighteen." I say not seeing the problem.

"How am I going to support myself? I'm not going to use Mia and her mom."

"I'm not asking you to. I don't know why you don't you just talk to your mom or dad? They can support you until we figure something out." I tell her getting out of bed and pacing my room.

"That's not going to work. My mom wants me to finish of my online classes under her roof and there's nothing I can do to change that. She pays for it."

"Your dad can pay."

"Spencer's he doesn't even know I'm gay or talking. Even if he did he wouldn't pay for me to stay in some small town with my girlfriend."

"I don't want you to go." I say in a small voice minutes later breaking the silence we slipped into after she killed my plan.

"I don't want to go… but I have to." She says. "I'll be back."

"Yeah… in three months. You want even be here for my birthday." I turn eighteen next month. "Plus, if neither of us can support you now. What makes you think it's going to change in three months."

"My mom will take care of it as long as I stay with her for the three months." She says. "She really wants to work on our relationship before I leave." She says as an afterthought.

"Well… I guess I'll see you in three months." I say laying back down on my bed.

"Spence… we still have four days together." She says.

"I know." I say closing my eyes.

"Okay, go to bed and be over here tomorrow morning for breakfast." She says and I can tell she's already feeling the sleep coming back to her.

"K… love you baby."

"Love you Spence."

Ashley's POV

I walk into the kitchen to see my mom over the stove making pancakes. Even thought I hate that she's the reason we're moving, I can't help but to smile at the fact that things are getting better between us. We still have our moments. We still haven't talked about her knowing I was gay all this time, but none the less we're doing better than before. I can't really blame her for taking the job and Washington, it's a good opportunity. I just wish it didn't take me away from the one girl my heart beats for.

"I invited the girls over for breakfast," I start taking a seat at the kitchen bar. "Is that okay?" I ask watching my mom move around the kitchen.

"Well normally people ask that question before they extend inventions, but that's fine. You know I love your friends." She says getting out more pancake mix.

"I know…sorry. I just want to spend as much time with them as I can." I tell her. I wasn't really thinking about asking her when I invited Mia, Jessica and Spencer over for breakfast.

"Hey mom…" I start but the front door bell rings. "I'll get it." I tell my mom and make my way to the door. When I open it I'm greeted with two big smiles. "Hey guys." I say back with my own smile and motion for them to come in. When they walk past I look out to see if Spencer is behind them. She isn't.

"What's up, Ashley?" Jessica says throwing her arm over my shoulder. I just smile at her and look around once more before shutting the door. I turn, putting my arm around Jessica's waist as we make our way to the living room couch.

"I'm surprised you're here this early. I know you're not a morning person." I say letting go off Jessica and sitting down next to Mia.

"I am for a free meal." Jessica says plopping down next to me.

"So… where's Spencer?" I ask after we talk for a couple of more minutes. I decided to ask after my mom yelled that it would be time to eat in five minutes.

"I don't know. We haven't talked to her today. She said she'd call if she needed a ride, but she didn't so…" Mia trails and I nod in understanding. I tell them they can go wash their hands and take a seat at the dining room table. I run up to my room to get my phone to call Spencer and see where she's at.

"Hello." Some unknown sleepy girl voice answers Spencer's phone.

"Um… can I talk to Spencer?" I ask not even wanting to think about who this girl could be.

"Can you call her back? She's talking to her mom." The girl mumbles.

"Who is this?" I ask getting mad.

"Stacy. Who's this?" She asks. I hang up the phone and dial Spencer's house number.

"Hello?" Spencer mom answers the phone.

"Hey, it's Ashley. Can I speak to Spencer real quick?" I ask calmly. She tells me to hold on and I hear some voice and some movement in the back ground.

"Yeah?" Spencer's voice came through the other end.

"You're pose to be over here, having breakfast with me. Not at home shacked up with Stacy." I say growling into the phone.

"Ashley...calm down." She says. "How do you know Stacy's here?" She asks as an afterthought.

"She answered your fucking phone Spencer!" I yell into the phone. I'm glad I shut my door.

"Oh, well it's not what you think it is." She says.

"You know what?" I say calming myself down. "I don't care what it is. You're free to fuck whoever you want. Don't bother coming over here today." I say and hang up the phone. I sit down on my bed to and try to get my emotions under control. I should have known she was going to start acting up when I pointed out all the holes in her plan for me to stay. Just like Spencer to start pissing me off when things don't go her way. My phone rings and I press ignore knowing its Spencer. She calls back and I pick up.

"What?" I say quietly into the phone.

"I'm not fucking Stacy and even if I was it would be none of your damn business! You broke up with me. You're the one leaving! Fuck!" I hear something crash in her background.

"I'm not gone yet!" I yell back into the phone with tears coming down my face.

"I know. I'm counting down the day till you'll be gone and I can fuck someone else without having to listening to my ex-girlfriends fucking whine about it. Hell… I haven't even did anything and you're fucking flipping out. We defiantly would not have made it long distance if this is the way you react to someone just answering my damn phone when we're not even together." Spencer rambles out.

"Fuck you."

"Sorry… I'd rather fuck Stacy. She's already in my bed." I hung up the phone after she said that.

8Z&)(*(*(*)&

"Your mom let me in…" Spencer says pushing my door open. It's like ten at night and we haven't spoken since the phone call. I'm hurt and pissed at the things she said to me.

"You can let yourself out." I say and continue to stare at myself in the mirror.

"Ashley…" She walks over and stands behind me.

"Don't, Spencer." I say continuing to stare at myself in the mirror.

"I'm sorry." She ignores me and walks up behind me. "Don't cry, baby." She says wrapping her hands around my waist. She gives me a kiss on the cheek. "You know I didn't mean anything I said." I sigh and wipe away my tears.

"Please leave." I say pushing her hands from around me.

"Come on Ash." Spencer says trying to grab me but I move out of her reach.

"Just leave Spencer." I tell her turning away. After a couple of minutes I hear the door shut and I know she gone.

TBC

**a/n: Ooooh deep stuff there lol it's getting close to ashely's leaving. What will happen? **

**Anyway…thanks for subscribing, reading, and reviewing. You guys are awesome. **


	20. Chapter 23

Spencer's POV

"So still no luck with Ashley?" Aiden ask taking a seat next to me on my bed.

"Uh… I think she hates me." I tell him putting my head in my hands. Ashley hasn't talked to me and has refused to see me since she kicked me out of her room. I've apologize a thousand times. Her voice mail box is full with messages I left telling her how sorry I am and how much I love her.

"Come on Spence. She doesn't hate you." Aiden says bumping shoulders with me. Aiden, Mia and Jessica have been trying to get me to lighten up but how can I when things are so screwed up with Ashley and me.

"You didn't hear the things I said." I tell him wiping away some stray tears. Aiden continues to tell me how everything is going to be ok for about an hour before he leaves and I end up falling asleep.

! #$%^%$#

"Ugh…go away Matt." I mumble when I feel something poke me in the side. Matt usual wakes me up that way when he wants to play but I'm too tired. I need sleep. I feel the poke again and try to swat his hand away, while keeping my eyes closed in turning onto my side. Then the next thing I feel is soft lips pressed to mine. I open my eyes and see Ashley pulling away from me.

"Hey." I whisper out after several minutes of staring at each other.

"I leave tomorrow." She says lying on her side next to me. "I'm going to miss you so bad." She says staring at me.

"I'm going miss you too. It hurts just thinking about it." I tell her moving closer.

"Look, I know there will be other girls…"She starts.

"Ashley I didn't mean…" I try to cut her off but she cuts me off with her lips. We share a slow, gentle kiss.

"Just listen." She says pecking me on the lips before pulling away a little. "I know what you said yesterday was out of anger and frustration or what not. But you were right about some things. We are not together anymore. So I have no say in who you're with, neither do you with me." She says and I try to cut her off but she puts her hand up to silence me. "When I come back, if our feelings don't change and everything works out in our favor… then we can get back together. But right now we need to start acting as friends and nothing more."

"Okay," I give her a sad smile. "But I still want a goodbye kiss."

"Oh, believe me. I wasn't going to leave without one." She says and we just stare at each other.

"Ash?" I ask, breaking our silence. Ashley looks up from the cover design she was tracing with her fingers. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I don't know what got into me and I feel like shit for the way I acted." I say wiping my tears away. I still can't believe I said all that stuff. Ashley is the love of my life and I can't believe I said those terrible things to her. "You have to know that nothing happened with Stacy, before or after we got into it. She came over the night before drunk and I was just taking care of her as a friend. I didn't even sleep in the same room with her."

"It's okay Spence. I forgive you. Just don't let it happen again." When she says that I know she's referring to the way I talked to her. "And I'm sorry for how jealous I got."

"I want and it's okay," I say with a little smile. "So, what are you planning on doing until you leave?"

"Spending time with you," She says grinning.

Ashley POV

I can't believe I'm actually leaving. I can't believe I'm leaving Spencer. Yesterday was spent in her room cuddled up on her bed watching movies. I spent the night and her mom brought us to my house early this morning. Mia, Aiden, Jessica and even Glen and Paige just got here an hour ago to start saying goodbye.

Now I'm in my living room hugging my friend's goodbye. Shane and his friends are on the porch say goodbye to each other.

"Gosh, Ash…I'm going to miss you." Jessica says squeezing me before letting go. I tell her I'll miss her and call before Glen pulls me into a bear hug.

"I don't know what to say, but come back in see us." He says letting me go.

"I will." I say looking over at Spencer who is sitting on the stairs watching me say goodbye to all the people she introduced me to. We haven't spoken really since everyone got here. We've just been sharing smiles and long glances.

Paige steps up next.

"You were so good for and to my sister. And from what I heard she was good to you to." She says hugging me. "Don't forget us." She says stepping back. I finish saying goodbye to everyone and they leave to wait on the front porch while I say goodbye to Spencer.

"Hey." I say walking over to Spencer, taking her hands and pulling her up.

"What's up beautiful?" She says following me threw the house and onto the back porch. I brought her to the back porch because this is where we met.

I sit on the porch and Spencer moves to stand between my legs. We rest our foreheads on each other's and peck each other on the lips every couple of minutes.

"I want you to know that you're permanent." I start pulling back a little to look her in the eyes. "There might be other girls to occupy the time for both of us and maybe there won't. Neither one us can promise we won't get lonely or whatever. And that's okay because I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. And I'm okay being friends for now. But…" I take one of her hands and put it over my heart. "They're just temporary; my love for you is permanent. You're permanent." I tell her wiping away her tears. "I love you Spencer and I'm going to come back to you."

"Love you too, baby." She says pulling me into a deep, passionate filled kiss.

After that we promised each other that we'd call each other. And we made out a little more before we slipped back into our friend roles. She walked me to the car and I watch her get smaller as I drove away.

**TBC**

**A/N: Okay so I have like a major writers block when it comes to this story so please review and also if you have any idea's please message me and maybe we can work something out.**

**also i dont know if you guys follow any of my other stories but i have this new short story called The Me Before You, so if you guys want to give that a read and give me some feedback that would be great. Thanks!**

**Thanks for all the lovely words and alerts. You guys rock. Thank you!**


	21. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Spencer's POV

Ashley has been gone for almost three months and I'm still not over her. Not that I want to get over her. But I do wish her absence would hurt a little less.

"Are you listening to me?" Like conversations like now. I'm on the phone with Ashley and she's going on and on about some new friend she has made. Some guy that lives in the same building as them. It took her awhile to talk to him but eventually she did. She said she didn't want to revert back to that scared girl she was when she first meet me. That girl was lonely and depressed all the time.

"Yeah," I yawn it's almost midnight and we've been on the phone for hours now. "Um…so you and Andy are going to the movies tomorrow?"

"Yea, he wants to see some action movie. I forget the name of it."Ashley hums. "What are you doing tomorrow? Mia still having that party?"

"I believe so." I shrug even though she can't see me. "I don't plan on going. I'm just not in the partying mood. Plus she'll make me help her clean up after. I don't wanna." I whine.

Ashley laughs. "Well have fun with whatever you decided to do. I'm going to go to bed now. But I miss you."

"Enjoy your movie."

"I miss you." Ashley whispers again when I don't say anything back.

"I know." I sigh. "I miss you too. Good night." I hang up the phone before she can say anything else.

Lately I feel like we are moving apart. Last week I had asked Ashley when I should expect her back. Next month we graduate and before she left we had made plans for her to come back. We always said we would get back together if we were both single and so far we both have remained single. But Ashley always changes the subject or just says 'soon' when I ask when she's coming back and if we are going to get back together. To say I'm annoyed or frustrated is an understatement. I just love her so much and I feel like I'm losing her. And it doesn't helps when she says shit like that. It doesn't help at all. That's why I have to cut our conversation short when she starts talking about missing me. I'm tired of the misleading signals.

"Get up!" I'm woken up when Mia comes busting into my room, jumping into my bed.

"Wha…what's going on?" I snatch my pillow back from her and put it over my face. "Nevermind. I don't wanna hear it. It's too early. Go away."

"You know I don't know why I'm your friend. You're very rude."

"Go away."

"Good morning!" I groan when I hear Jessica's voice.

"Seriously guys?" I throw the pillow at Jessica.

"We're having girl's day!" Jessica sits on the end of the bed. "We are hanging out until party time."

"I don't remember that being on my calendar."I continue to lie in my bed.

"Damn you are pretty bitchy today?"Mia comments while grabbing my phone off the bedside table. "Oh…last phone call to Ashley." I snatch the phone before she could go through my text messages.

"Figures."Jessica shrugs. "She has brought out the bitch in you lately."

I just shake my head at them. "I'm not going anywhere with you guys."

"Whatever. We leave in thirty." Jessica leaves the room.

"Bring me a bowl of Frosted Flakes!" Mia calls after her.

Mia and I lay in silence for a couple of minutes before she pats my stomach playfully. "Will you please come out in play with us? Please. I miss you."

These last couple of weeks I have been blowing my best friends off to come home and soak. I really miss Ashley.

"I guess I could put up with you guys for a few hours."

"That's the spirit!"

Ashley's POV

"Are you okay?" Andy asks as we walk back to our apartment building after the movies. "You've been quieter than usual."

"I'm okay. I just…" I shake my head. Andy is a good friend but I haven't told him anything about my life. He only knows about my family but that's about it. "I'm just having some problems with my ex." I decided to confide in him.

"What he do?"

"She." I say firmly. "She's been ignoring me all day." I look over to see if he is paying attention to me. When I see that he is, I continue. "We usually text each other good morning but this morning she didn't respond."

"Have you tried calling her or messaging her since?"

"No."

"Maybe you should."Andy offers as advice.

I shrug. "Maybe."

We continue to walk in silence into we get outside of my apartment door. Andy rubs the back of his neck as we stand outside my door awkwardly. "What's up?"

"I have a confession." Andy starts. "I was planning on asking you out tonight."

"Oh."

"Yeah," He chuckles. "I had it all planned out. I was going ask if we could do this again but maybe as a date."

"Awww…." I smile. "That would have been cute."

"Really?" Andy grins. "Would you have said yes?"

I sigh and reach out to grab his hand. "Andy you're a great guy…"

He shakes his head with a sad smile. "Its okay, Ashley. I understand.

"I'm sorry." I really am. "I'm just…I still love Spencer and you know…like you're a _guy_."

Andy laughs at my joke. "Yeah, I know. Good night Ashley." Andy says taking his hand back.

"Hey," I call before he can get to far down the hall. "Friends?"

Andy grins. "Of course."

**TBC**

**a/n: You guys hate me and that's understandable. I do apologize though. I've been dealing with life and…yeah life is a piece of work. But I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing. My number one priority is finishing this story right now though. So…yeah. Thanks for reading and getting on me about finishing this. **


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